Since early December last year, Jake Gyllenhaal's social media team has been trying to plant him in New York City with Christmas Carol singing, Happy Birthday to Me singing, Happy Birthday to Amy Schumer dinner, walking around and around and around in SoHo.
The Critics Choice Awards took place on January 11, and though this was the only major award event where he was nominated, Jake did not attend their ceremony. Nor did he attend the Palm Springs Film Festival with Tatiana Maslany to help promote the film Stronger, where it was shown two days earlier on the 9th.
He did attend the Sundance Film Festival on Saturday, January 20th, yet as we observed in" Jake Gyllenhaal leaving Sundance 2018 With Everything But the Money Shot ", it appeared that his time spent at the film event was brief at best. He was in and he was out. And if Narnia didn't know any better....well, we won't go there, let's put it that way.
On February 10, Jake was allegedly seen in London. What? You mean, you're not sure this is him having a sip of tea?
Excuse Narnia while we try to post that picture with the straightest of face.
On Tuesday, February 13, Calvin Klein held its fashion show in the Big Apple as part of NY Fashion Week. After last year's July visit/ bro-fest at Raf Simons' NY Fashion Show (the one with the umbrellas and rainboots), which turned out to be a prelude before Jake's own Calvin Klein splashy "campaign", what a surprise it was to see Jake hopping on a plane out of NYC faster than you could blink an eye.
Whaaaaa? Jake miss the Calvin Klein show? But Margot Robbie was there!!! Didn't it also seem as though fashion shows were becoming a new thing for he and his sister? After all, he was attending several last year, right? And again - Margot Robbie. Plus, that whole New Face of Calvin Klein campaign! But wait. Now, guess who else was there? In fact, she was on the runway...
Well, well, well, well.
Must have been something significant to keep him from attending the show and a chance to catch up with his Calvin Klein campaign co-star, Liya Kebede?
But of course, who saw this coming, especially when their engagement was just barely announced Feb 12 (using the vehicle of Ellen DeGeneres' 60th birthday party to do the reveal)
Yup, that's who you think it is. Quiet, unassuming Chris Fischer - you know, childhood Martha's Vineyard friend of Jake Gyllenhaal. So often seen with Jake in his earlier NY years when the pictures were too numerous to count and the rumors about Jake and Austin were as hot as could be. Has Chris been seen with Jake since the Witherspoon fauxmance years? Not very often. But then, when you have the jakebullsh*ttingovereveryone, I mean jakeovereverything Instagram site to remind folks of this ne'er seen anymore old friendship, it's easier to remember what used to be. As was seen here on Jan 31, a photo captioned to be "around 2007":
Aaah yes, ring a bell, Jake Old-Timers? :-) So back to our present year of 2018, imagine the sound of our gasps when we saw that these two lovebirds couldn't even wait until Austin's birthday in April to occupy Jake with a wedding ceremony to attend.
The news hit the feeds of CNN, People, US Weekly, E Online, Vogue and USA Today, which is an indication that their teams wanted to reach a few more folks than merely Just Jared readers and Instagram followers. ;-) And for the many who didn't know who Chris Fischer was, the likes of Just Jared and People.com were there to help. This story was seen on several sites, 5 Things To Know About Amy Schumer's New Husband (apparently everything happened so fast, Just Jared didn't have time to dig into their photo files for a different side-by-side):
So where does our fave guy, Mr. Jake figure into all of this? Well, it sounds like he was on the guest list. Does it sound like he was the Best Man? Well, looking at this alleged seat position, it doesn't look like it. Thanks to this Instagram account holder for showing the way with this high-vis yellow arrow:
Okay, then.....Well, a bit hard to tell, isn't it? Let's see if we can round up another photo of our guy, maybe one with his face.
Let's be clear, when a poster needs yellow and turquoise high-visibility arrows to point to Jake Gyllenhaal, that's not a good sign. Oh, wait! You mean there IS a good, clear picture? Hold on! Well, lookee here.
We're minus the bride, but we can't have too high of expectations, I reckon.
So Mr. Fischer is married™, biting the big one before his childhood beach buddy Jake is able to. Hopefully, he got over this obvious set of nerves,
07 11 20: Well, well, well. Yet ANOTHER deleted tweet. Let's try another, shall we?
Hard not to notice that dead man walking expression on Chris' face, don't you think? It is interesting that the twosome progression of Chris Fischer and Amy Schumer was rushed along through the public lens faster than Apollo Ohno on ice. Within months, the odd couple went from a dark, grainy dinner photo to a birthday party à la Instagram in December, to engaged on Feb 11, and married two days later, the day before Valentine's Day! A wedding which happened so quickly, it looks like there wasn't even time to line up an official. From Page Six:
Rather
than be joined together in holy matrimony by a religious figure, Schumer chose
actor-comedian John Early dressed in drag as his character Vicky, who appears
on the Netflix series “The Characters,” Page Six has learned.
During
the ceremony, Early — who also had a notable role on Netflix’s “Wet Hot
American Summer” series — donned a sash that read “Reverend Vicky” over a pair
of blue jeans and a button-down.
And where was the wedding taking place?
The Blast reported that the pair rented a private home along
the scenic coastal enclave to exchange their vows. - The Knot News
Other sources would be much more specific and mention that the wedding took place at a "private residence" in Malibu, California, somewhere we know both Jake and Austin are quite familiar with. And, since Jake apparently vanished again right after the "I do's", we might need that high-vis yellow arrow to find him again. That is until the next stunt drops him into another "public" moment to date stamp his existence.
collaborated: PG and M&M
pic sources: nurseanonymous, WWD.com, Zimbio, Giphy
our playlist: Chapel of Love - The Dixie Cups
She's in Love With the Boy - Trisha Yearwood
I Do, I Do, I Do, I Do - ABBA
Dear Valentine - Guster
