Wednesday, September 20, 2017

Is This #Congras Part 2??

Well, the you-know-what's getting darned serious when the Big Gun is given a phone buzz by Team PR.  The big news on the Jake Gyllenhaal front today?  Was it the movie, Stronger?  Nope, not today.   "Police car ride-a-longs for five months"?  "Seventeen stitches in his hand"?  "Bleed-outs"?  "Cooking with his best bro's wife"?  Pfshaw, no!  Let's take a look at how Jake has began his observance of Rosh Hashanah:


And Yahoo...


And Vanity Fair:


Marie Claire:


In Style:


And the story is only less than 10 Twitter hours old, just think!  ;-)  Well, well, well, well.

This is certainly an interesting turn of events, isn't it?  Tooth, I mean Jake is literally - why, I think he just might be thumbing his nose at both Ted Casablanca and Narnia Dispatches' #30Days, whadya think?  I think Jake be like.....

via GIPHY 

LOLLL!!  He is..

via GIPHY 
Here's a live look at Jake "staking" the America flag in the womb of fertility!

And Narnia will be there all the way to bring you the latest in this #BabyWatch. Tomorrow or Friday, don't be surprised if we get a Jake Gyllenhaal People magazine cover.  Here's a sneak preview.


Jake Gyllenhaal Opens Up About His Desire to Be a Father: I Want a 'Family of My Own'

By Jodi Guglielmi • @JodiGug3

Posted on September 20, 2017 at 12:00pm EDT
Jake Gyllenhaal may be an Oscar-nominated actor and Broadway star, but there’s still one role he hasn’t yet added to his resume: father.

Gyllenhaal, 36, opens up in the new issue of PEOPLE about his desire to one day start a family.

“I want to continue becoming more of an adult than I already am,” he says of his future. “Hopefully with a family of my own.”

The Stronger actor says his bond with his sister Maggie Gyllenhaal's two daughters makes him excited for fatherhood.

“My sister has raised two beautiful daughters. They are the most amazing girls,” he says. “It’s fun to send them home with a lot of candy, because it was almost like, ‘Enjoy it, Mags!’ A little payback for being the sister who made me perform weird shows at our parents’ dinner parties.”

Gyllenhaal is currently single, and after past high-profile relationships with Kirsten Dunst, Reese Witherspoon and Taylor Swift, the actor says he doesn’t let rumors about his love life bother him.

“I’ve learned to have a real sense of humor about things. There will always be opinions. I think I’ve made my peace with that.”

[For much more from Jake Gyllenhaal, pick up the latest issue of PEOPLE, on newsstands Friday.]

Jake's Desire for Fatherhood (once again?) 

Alrighty then.  We look forward to following this little excursion, don't we?  

Is there a reason why #SpeedDial beard Greta Caruso has been absent since those spinning, dog walking, Scotch egg eatin' with Mama G & Son photo ops in New York City?  

Is it possible that Greta may emerge soon sporting a baby bump?  Is Speed Dial willing to lay it all on the line for her go-to pal and carry boxes and over-sized gym bags in front of her rounded tummy?

Were the headline cries of "I Want a Baby" and "I'm Desperate for a Baby" the carrying vessels of a secret message to a certain Tall Texan?   

Are you listening, my main Food Truck Man Grey Goose?  Is Mgmnt getting Margie Nicholson's fingers warmed up for another Facebook "Congras" gaffe?  One thing all the articles are getting right is that yes indeed, Mr. Gyllenhaal loves babies.  He wants more and more babies.  He can't have enough babies.   

The Vermeulen Furniture elves just might be at this very moment carving and varnishing an additional leaf for the Gyllynichols family table, what do you think?

via GIPHY 

You would think that Jake would just wine and dine his tall Texan if he wanted another youngin'. Instead of splashing his baby yearnings in the public square. Pssst! Jake - don't you remember? You're supposed to be in the closet.  ;-)

pic sources:  Giphy
our playlist: Keep It Comin' Love - KC & the Sunshine Band 
                    The Chapel of Love - The Dixie Cups
                     I Do, I Do, I Do, I Do, I Do - ABBA
                     Satisfied - Richard Marx

Tuesday, September 19, 2017

As Good as a Blind - Toothy Tile Back to His Sneaking Ways?

Well, well, well....a bit of gossip found while taking a rare perusing through DataLounge.  Narnia doesn't shy away from anything, even if it's goss pertaining to Jake doing his own kind of perusing around while in the Big Apple.   While this author never bought the Henry Cavill nonsense, DL is not without a few drops here and there involving pool tables and glass coffee tables that could be worthy of contemplation.  LOL!  But we're still in the Family Hour right now, so we will not delve into that at this moment.

What ye say, Tooth? 

I agree that if Casey Affleck got an Oscar, Jake probably can. But he is cast wrong all the time. He should be a star in the Dustin Hoffman, Jack Lemon vein. Romantic comedy and drama. he tries too hard and it shoes in his performances. He is a turn off to movie goers, and interviews terribly. Everything he says rings false. He is supposedly hooking up with the guy from Younger, Nico Tortorella which makes him a bit more interesting.

Kind of looks like Austin, doesn't he?  How good with kids is Tortorella?  *wink*

Just a sidenote:  Nico Totorella acts in a TV show called Younger, which films in.....New York City.  Hmmmm, that's convenient, isn't it?  Right there in the Big Apple where Tooth, I mean Jake, loves to sell himself as living now.  Complete with a love nest?  

That compound's starting to get a bit crowded, isn't it?  Dog. Mama Matriarch. Big Sis.  Nieces.  Reynolds. Co-Culinary partner, Blake Lively, and Speed Dial Caruso.  Now young side piece? Jake is looking a bit fitter these days.  Perhaps he's more motivated, if you know what I mean? After all, if Austin can have a bit of "fun" with Paul Wesley on the side, then surely Jake can have a "younger" buck to 'digital dance' with on those late night constitutionals with Leo.

via GIPHY    

pic sources:  Broadway World, fanpop, Just Jared
our playlist:  Love On the Weekend - John Mayer
                     New York, New York - Ryan Adams
                     Hearsay - Alexander O'Neal


Sunday, September 17, 2017

"A Mark, a Yen, a Buck, or a Pound; Money Makes the World Go Round"

Whether selling an obligatory straight image, an "it's not you, it's me" onliness, or an upcoming film project dropped just in time for an awards season consideration, Jake Gyllenhaal and the concept of subtly have never quite been the most compatible of companions. The most recent example of this assertion being the obvious juxtaposition of Jake with a surprising number of newfound African American pals, kindred spirits who are apparently nearby every time Jake gets near a camera.

The curious phenomenon actually began with Jake and an out of the sky date night affiliation with Jay  Z and Beyonce back in 2014.  The photo op ready moment was captured in a meme-inducing high profile appearance, the cozy  three occupying courtside seats at a Miami Heat-Brooklyn Nets NBA basketball game. That's some nice bookended symmetry from Sasha Fierce and the original Queen Bee, don't you think?  Or, was that self-proclaimed moniker from 2010, Pampered Princess, Jake?  Oh, and what a nice choreographed touch with Mr. Carter's hands clasped together as if he's a mere third wheel in this "girl talk" rap session. Camera? What camera? 

In this instance, Jake gets a two for one, without much effort. Selling his "I live in New York" narrative,  and his cool chumminess with the African American demographic. Jake didn't have a movie to promote at the time. But, the date gives away another reason for the stunt appearance. May 10, 2014. That fateful "The Day After Tomorrow" audition meeting between Jake and Paul Wesley's fake new "boyfriend" Austin Nichols! 

                                                           Just exchanging some tips on skin care products? 

Of course when The Daily Beast's Marlow Stern produced the photo for a Vanity Fair article on the actor, Gyllenhaal “lets out a hearty laugh,”and plays it coy.

Writes Stern:  “Right, right,” he says, losing his composure for the first (and only) time all interview. “I have no idea what’s going on there! I have no idea, man. We’re definitely in the midst of something, that’s for sure.”     

source:  "Jake Gyllenhaal Opens Up About His Meme-Inspiring Photo With Beyonce and JayZ" - Vanity Fair

Later on when the "Rihanna photo" appeared, the fertile soil bred yet another viral round of  "low-key" memes and robot tweets which were a little like...

via GIPHY 

This time, however, the high-profile photo op with Rihanna occurred during the promo for Southpaw, at Jay Z's "Roc Nation Sports Throne Boxing Event" on January 10, 2015.  A movie heavily marketed to the black community so cha-ching definitely comes to mind here.

Several more Gyllenhaal movies have come and gone since that Roc the house encounter with RiRi:  Everest, Demolition, Nocturnal Animals, Life, and Okja to be specific.  Yet somehow no further promotional attempts to associate himself with African American celebrities took place. Well, that is until now.

Using his newfound New York stunt vehicle of the fashion show, Jake was suddenly seen after the Labor Day holiday with Lupita Nyong'o, Mahershala Ali and Trevor Noah at the Calvin Klein Collection event. Just after jump-starting his latest marketing efforts for Stronger, the biographical story of Jeff Bauman, a civilian who became an amputee as a result of a terrorist bombing at the Boston Marathon in 2013. This cozy gathering of fashionistas seemed impeccably quaint and "fortuitous" don't you think?  *wink* 




Then came the inevitable robot:

Another robot:

By the time Jake posed with Nikki Minaj backstage at Jimmy Fallon's Tonight show, the train was humming along on the tracks:


Then amusingly, there were tweets like these:

Suffice it to say, Jake's people have never grasped what it means to practice a less cynical, and slothful approach to selling their closeted client's professional wares. All they know is that movie attendance for Whites and Hispanics has actually declined in the last several years, while tracking data from 2013, specifically points to African Americans going out to movies 4.2 times more than the latter, paler demographic which clocked in at only 3.4 times.  Who cares if Jake looks Machiavellian and unbelievably conspicuous in his desperate search for black "friends," when he needs them. Although he doesn't seem to mind as he proudly smirks at the camera, and poses for yet another "candid" moment. Say, "Cheese, Everyone!" Or, is it fleece? In any event, black exploitation in films certainly has a whole new meaning in this contrived context, doesn't it?  

Hey, Jake! Isn't that Blac Chyna over there? An entrepreneur and a model. And, she's in the news a lot lately, with that Kardashian association. You might even be able to work her into one of those revealing interviews you love to give and talk all about how she used to be a stripper.  Let's face it, you can only be shipped as Jeff Bauman's boyfriend for so long before people start talking. Next!

Collaborated by: Methodical Muser and Prairie Girl
pic sources:  Gawker, popsugar, Giphy
Our Playlist: Dire Straits, "Money for Nothing"
                     Eric Clapton, "Pretending"
                     O'Jays, "For the Love of Money"
                     Green Day, "Boulevard of Broken Dreams"