You have to keep the salt shaker nearby.
If you happened to be poking around Jake's social media search on May 5 and days following, this was his lead story via Deadline:
Heyyy, so another project with Guy Ritchie? And Jake fans are familiar with the beautiful Eiza Gonzalez, who he starred with in Ambulance. The involvement with Henry Cavill was something new, although if you've ever looked at Jake's Instagram search activity, Cavill (along other WME/Endeavor clients) is all over it. (Let's not even get into the exhibited challenges of hash tagging by account users.) So, what are the details on this "big-budget untitled action movie"?
Deadline tells us:
"Plot details and title are being kept (largely) under wraps but we hear the story, which is said to be laced with Ritchie's trademark humor, will revolve around two extraction specialists who must plan an escape path for a high-level female negotiator." - Deadline, May 05, 2023.
Fast forward to actor Henry Cavill's IMDb and oh yes, there's "Untitled Guy Ritchie's Action Movie". lol, don't you love how Guy Ritchie's name is the identifier in the temporary title?
And then, there's director Guy Ritchie himself. Here's that big guy's IMDb,
"Untitled Guy Ritchie's Action Movie" listed as being in Pre-production. But wait, look at that. Did you notice? Both Guy Ritchie and Henry Cavill have another project in common - "The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare". That movie is listed in Post-production and scheduled for 2024 release. Interesting!
Makes us wonder about Eiza Gonzalez. Okay, this is too strange - here's Gonzalez's upcoming projects.
Eiza Gonzalez is also listed for both projects. So what is this "The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare"?
The British military recruits a small group of highly-skilled soldiers to strike against Nazi forces behind enemy lines during World War II. - IMDb
Hmmmm, these aren't the two same movies, are they?
If you look at IMDb, "The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare" lists all the actors, as shown above, while "The Untitled Guy Ritchie's Action Movie"? Looks like this:
What would be the odds of two different films both being directed by Guy Ritchie and starring Jake, Henry Cavill, and Eiza Gonzalez?
The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare completed filming in late April after having started in mid-February. Isn't it interesting that we never saw the director of The Covenant, Guy Ritchie, at any of the promotional appearances? We only saw Jake and co-star Dar Salim. But how could he appear, when he was still working on The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare?
Boy, is there some shady kind of dealings going on? LOL! Just when you think you've seen about everything from Jakers and his team, this bag of wool gets pulled over the general public's eyes.
Alrighty then...
Hold up for another oddity. According to Deadline, the "Untitled Guy Ritchie Action Movie" is to be marketed for sale by its production company, Black Bear International, at this year's Cannes Festival, which runs from May 16 to May 27.
So far, Jake's allegedly not anywhere near Cannes. He's being placed in Los Angeles, after being widely pushed on social media as having attended a Los Angeles Lakers' playoff game on Saturday, May 20.
Oh, yeah.
There were photos galore.
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| flanked by Patrick Whitesell, Gene Hong |
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| chatting up David Geffen and Gene Hong |
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| allegedly 😉 |
[Don't look too close at that last photo; we'll help guide you through it and explain why it's labeled simply "allegedly", later in the post. 😉]
And a video, of a waving Jake walking alongside fellow attendee, Gene Hong, Adam Levine's BFF 😉 and long-time, speed-dial, photo-op helper for Jake.
The photos were crystal clear and professional. Long-time followers are very familiar with Gene Hong. And note who Jake is also sitting/talking with ➡ he's sitting with his agent, Patrick Whitesell, who also happens to be executive chairman of WME/Endeavor.
Not the beard, Cadieu. Not even speed-dial beard, Greta Caruso. No fun in the sun for this game! And there were plenty of heavy-hitting tweets, roboting through Jake's search on Saturday night, all showing his image with those of Adele, Jack Nicholson, Denzel Washington, etc. Because why? Well, this tweeter tells us!
No, after a string of, unfortunately, under-performing movie releases, it seems more likely that Jake was provided with a huge booster seat of endorsement for this outing, hence the influential presence of Whitesell.
The funny part is, was Jake really even there? My motto is, all you have to have is one flimsy entry in the portfolio of photos.
There's a reason why the parties are all wearing black, a color which best covers up the boo-boo's of photoshop cropping. And then there's this.
And it is in an enlargement that you see the telltale lines of different skin tone, in addition to misalignment in the right hand middle finger.
Even the gentleman sitting on the other side of Jake, David Geffen, has longtime ties to WME/IMG/Endeavor's CEO, Ari Emmanuel.
Geffen has been a mentor to Emanuel since the latter’s days as an agent-trainee at CAA in the 1980s. - Variety, Oct 14, 2018
So, these are some heavy swingers that Jake was supposed to be "hanging with" at the basketball game as well as having his image included with, on social media.
And even on a likely manufactured/spliced "outing" like this? Jake's people are always thinking, lol. The T shirt that Jake is wearing? Let's let this alleged civilian account tell us what we need to know:
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| PR slipping in the promo |
"Howl's Moving Castle"? That's an animated movie released in 2004, of which one of the voices was handled by Christian Bale. Well, Big Sis Maggie is going to be directing a remake of Bride of Frankenstein for Netflix, starring guess who? Christian Bale. Marketer and publicist's minds never stop working, do they?
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| smh |
And yet? And yet, Narnia seriously doubts Jake was in attendance at all. Everyone is helping Jake out with his image in light of several box office shortcomings, so if he really wasn't at the Lakers/Nuggets game, where might Jake be? Because if he was really in Los Angeles, he would have no reason to not attend the game in person.
Which means....he really...could be across the pond? That would be kind of ironic, wouldn't it? Especially after all of his "proud to be American" chatter during The Covenant promo because for some years now, Jake, Austin, his sister, nieces et al have all been living across the pond much more than they've been in the states.
“I sat there
crying, watching what happens at the very end, and it just reminded me — I
walked out feeling, feeling proud to be an American and knowing what we can do
and what we can be.” - faithwire, 'It Made Me Proud to be an American': Actor Jake Gyllenhaal Grateful to Portray Soldier in War Movie, May 01, 2023
And so where is Austin, anyway? Well, back on the 8th, Austin's latest social media sharing since his birthday, was this beauty.
Could have been performed and uploaded anytime, right? Oh, and btw, um...whose fist was Austin bumping at the end???? Austy, have you taught Jakers how to drive that boat??? 😉🛥🌊
Well, it is the month of May. And the month of May has always been special for Jake and Austin, as that is the month they first met at the auditions for The Day After Tomorrow and is right before their wedding anniversary, which Narnia believes to be on June 16.
But for a couple like them, the month of May is no doubt, a very busy month, just like it is for numerous families across the United States (and Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles with their brood!). Graduations and the school year ending, and adjusting to a summer schedule, all make for a hectic month.
And is it because of Jake and Austin's secretive private life together that WME/Endeavor continues to bend over backwards to help Jake do as little as he does? That their secrets are protected to such an extent, so that neither man is tempted to leave the fold that's become so familiar?
It's becoming quite noticeable at this point.
collaboration: Prairie Girl and Methodical Muser
pic sources: Variety, Coolture Diaries, IMDb, gfycat, IHeartJake, Deadline, faithwire,
Giphy
our playlist: Heaven Must Have Sent You - Bonnie Pointer
I Need You - The Pointer Sisters
Candy Man - Mary Jane Girls
Friends - Elton John
