Tuesday Kibbles: Everyone's a Writer and Jake Gyllenhaal's Scoff at Wet Wipes

 

That has been us at Narnia, about everyday now when we peruse Just Jared or Twitter.  LOL!

If some PR team isn't trying to float a fauxmance backstory or Musty's app, Twitter isn't malfunctioning something new, then we'd have to wonder if the world had stopped rotating.

We're going to play a game today called "Do You Buy This?"  We're just sayin', we have questions... 😉😁  

In no particular order, because there are just too many raised eyebrows around this part of town.

 

• Jake trying to pretend he doesn't ever use Wet Ones?  Are you kidding me?  Him and Austin have no doubt, flown through cases of Wet Ones like nobody's business, throughout their kids' toddler-doms and childhoods. Starting at 17:10:

Might be one of the funniest lines of the year, Jake. 😂 😉

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

• Brooke Shields and John "John-John" F. Kennedy, Jr.?   Who's buying this story?  Isn't it funny how so many celebs now are "writing" their own biographies or are filming their life "documentaries" to tell everyone their version?  [Or how about "poetry"? 👀]  The current epidemic of "storytellers" reminds me of that Gilligan's Island episode where the island residents find out Gilligan has been keeping a diary of their experiences and not trusting him to tell the truth, each islander tells their own version of an incident, versions which are not close to the truth.  Here was Brooke:

Brooke ended up meeting John a few decades later and they went on a ski date.

“I had to get ski lifted out because I went into the trees,” Brooke recalled. “And he didn’t help me, but I was like, ‘It’s okay. He can’t help me. He’s John John.’”

“He kept saying I look like his mother, which is really interesting, and a compliment, [but] I was like, ‘I don’t know how to feel about this.’ And then we did have a real date,” she said.

 Brooke joined JFK Jr. at a night out with more Kennedys at a rowdy pub.

 “He said, ‘Do you want to get out of here?’ And I was like, ‘Uh, yeah, I do want to get out of here, John Kennedy.’ He kissed me, and it was like the best kiss I’ve ever had in my life,” she said. “It was beyond not-disappointing. The lips are beautiful, and the face is amazing … and he was down to earth and funny and irreverent.”

Brooke explained why she decided not to sleep with him though.

“I froze though, because it was so precious to me and I was like, ‘Oh my god, you’re falling in love and if you sleep with him, he may not talk to you again and you can’t handle that.’ I wasn’t playing a game. I really was just, I was so afraid of being really hurt because if I slept with him I would’ve given him my entire universe,” she said. “I had to get a cab home, which was a little less than chivalrous in my opinion.”

“I saw him the next day on the slope and he didn’t look at me and he didn’t talk to me,” Brooke added. “On the one hand, I was like ‘sh-t!’ On the other hand, I was like, ‘Thank God … He showed his true colors.’” - Just Jared

Wow.  Interesting, that of course, JFK Jr. is no longer here to agree with or refute the story.  Ms. Shields' dating history is Grade-A eyebrow raising:  Nicholas Cage, George Michael, Dodi Fayed, Dean Cain, Prince Albert of Monaco, John Travolta, Scott Baio.  Others in her history are so interwoven with commonly shared names, it's like a merry-go-round.  

And what was this line: "It was beyond not-disappointing. The lips are beautiful, and the face is amazing..."  

If it was beyond not-disappointing, then....what was it exactly?  I guess, ... good?  lol.  What in the heck?  That was John-John, Brooke!  Are you kidding me?  

Not to mention instead of saying, "His lips were beautiful," or "His face was amazing!", she writes, "The lips"?  "The face"?  See the difference?  Because they're small pronouns, but they're crucial.  It's an awfully detached way of remembering.

Who's buying that story?

Can we add an addendum to this nonsensical story of Brooke Shields'?  

If Minka Kelly can write a "memoir", anyone could write one. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

First of all, Friday Night Lights was 17 years ago!  And the "memoir" focuses on her relationship with actor, Taylor Kitsch?  And the chapter is called "Cancer"?   Wow.  Second of all, longtime followers of Jake Gyllenhaal have to smirk when the name of Minka Kelly comes up, because of the number of times Mara Buxbaum tried to get something hot 'n heavy going in the press with those two, another one of those good ol' college tries.  

Kelly's "dating history" is another Who's Who of actors who needed het credentials:  Chris Evans, Topher Grace, John Mayer, Derek Jeter, Wilmer Valderrama, Sean Penn, and of course, Jakers.  

Are we really buying this??

Two factors likely figuring into this unnecessary and excessive move:  1) Taylor Kitsch's signing with WME/Endeavor last year, April 2022 and although he is said to also be repped by Untitled Entertainment, we at Narnia are quite familiar with WME/Endavor's tabloidish tendencies.  And 2), is Kelly's "memoir" also about Kitsch 's new Netflix series coming up soon called Opioid, and a western series also in the works, called American Primeval.   Sounds like "someone's" desire for added het insurance for one of their new streaming screen employees.

 

 

• Granted, Chiefs tight end Travis Kelce has been on a world tour of sorts, with television appearances, golf tournaments to play in, podcasts to record, and award shows to present at.  But the fact that someone happened to be around to even record this "reunion" between him and QB Patrick Mahomes as though they hadn't been in communication since the Super Bowl Parade....we gotta question.  😉😁

 

 

 

Okayyyyyy, we'll play along.  😉 

 

 

 

 

•  And for anyone who buys these two, Jared Padalecki and Genevieve Cortese-Padalecki, well, Narnia doesn't know what to tell you.  After all these years, it hasn't gotten any more convincing.

 

When asked by the host on this interview with KTLA5,

 

"Did you first see your husband on the screen before you ever met him?" 

 

 

Genevieve responded, 

 

"Um - that's a good question.  I believe so."

 

 

At 00:40, 

 

 

 

This "couple", who after all these years, still can't keep their hands and lips off of each other for the cameras, and.....Genevieve doesn't remember when she first saw Jared???

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I mean....that was practically the equivalent of a Jumbo-Tron!  Even after all these years, Jared and Genevieve are terrible at the kissing game, unless the way Genevieve is leaning back, is her idea of playing hard to get?   😳

Okay, you two kids, are we going to have to separate you?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Let's just say, Genevieve is not too good on the fly.  This doesn't even deserve a contemplative, "Do you buy it?"

 

• And are we just taunting now with the beanie becoming a required staple in the house?  Perhaps it is doubling as a nighttime bonnet.  😉  What does Google say about nighttime bonnets?   

"The idea is that by using a bonnet you prevent friction to your hair while you're moving in your sleep, making it easier to take care of in the morning as well as reducing the chance of breakage or split ends." - Google

 

Well, good for Jared practicing intensive self-care, I reckon.   

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Seriously though, any longtime fan of Jared's knows how much of a superfluous perspiring-type person he is.  His body temperature runs hot to the point where Jensen has asked for towels on the convention stages so his buddy can wipe some sweat from the brow.

Texas is a hot state.  Unless the house thermostat is set at 49 degrees, why would Jared voluntarily wear a non-breathing knit beanie inside the house just so his scalp could "enjoy" a steam?

Anyone buying that?   smh.  

Perhaps it's more about taking away from Jared one of his original trademark assets, which was his mane of hair.  Looking more like a Q-tip next to Jensen helps to weaken his physical appearance and presence, next to his partner, who Narnia has pointed out before, has been noisily elevated for a higher profile by their team, for a number of years now.

 

 

•  You could spend an entire post on the Pads or the Ackles, for that matter.  Here the Pads were allegedly at the Spurs game late last month.  I really don't know about these two photos, of which there doesn't even seem to be any difference between them.  

Were Jared & Genevieve even at that game?  I'm not seeing solid evidence that they were. 

 

 

Why does it look like Jared's amoebic hand isn't even on her leg?  It's hovering.  🙊  And why does it look like he is wearing a size 5 shoe?  Perhaps there is televised video from the game that could provide better credibility of this outing, I don't know. 

I do think that's why so many photos are blurred, so that it's more difficult to detect the manipulations, in addition to trying to make them look like random "Polaroid" moments in time.  

My rule of thumb:  All it takes is one bad pic out of the lot to ruin the validation of the entire outing.

 

•  Okay, this post has been going on long enough.  The appetite has been whetted however, so will do my best to be more diligent about posting.  

 

Let's look at some outstanding, mind blowing moments from some of Narnia's faves, okay?  Because we need this!!

Hey, peacock strutting does not get any better.  Look at these two absolute kingpins.   They looked stunning that night and as one tweeter put it, The President and Vice-President [of Kansas City].

Everyone?   Patrick Mahomes and Travis Kelce.

 

 

 

And looking back (not too long ago, though) at this lovely photo of Liam Payne.  Narnia Dispatches is a Safe Space for Liam and all of his fans.

And new promo for his Soccer Aid captain-ship for 2023:

 

And Niall Horan has really been dealing lately, hasn't he?  He's everywhere, promoting new music, leading his successful team on The Voice.  

 

Niall on The Voice 2023

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A rare moment of Jake Gyllenhaal not in camo.  These two moments (via gyllenhaalstories and corners-of-the-earth) are from Jake's ad for Ginori 1735, an Italian line of porcelain tableware.  It's great to see him partner up with them.

 

herbs from the container garden, Jakers?

 

the ol' tea-towel-over-the-shoulder ploy

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Why do some of us do that, toss the tea towel over the shoulder?  😁

 

 

And his hubs, Austin Nichols is busy showing off his fun, adventurous side (and fitness side, so he can look good in photo ops for a couple of conventions he has coming up, not to mention those risque skin shots in shows like Minx. 😁😉).  While exer-cycling and ice baths aren't as creatively artistic as cooking and stacking porcelain plates, Austin gifted us all with this thirst trap of a vid for his birthday.  I thought, as the birthday boy, he was supposed to be the gift recipient?

 

 

  

This was a real nice shot of Harry Styles, recently out and about.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

• Huge congratulations to Jonathan Toews, former captain of the Chicago Blackhawks, who will not be returning to the team next year, and could possibly be retiring.   Narnia believes there is a lot to unpack with that story and with Patrick Kane, but for right now, we salute the Captain and wish him the very best. 

This author loves her some Jonny Toews!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

That is the glint of a scamp!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

🔥🔥🔥

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And who does this remind some of us of???

 

 

 

Okay, okay, okay, as you can see, it can be easy to get carried away.  😉

This just needs to be posted before the ponderings become ancient history, lol.

So we bid adieu.   Thank you for taking a look-see.

Pic sources/credits:  myregularface, yahoo sports, cornersoftheearth, gyllenhaalstories,

                           Getty, ezshopex, tenor, Just Jared, KTLA5, justjenpad

 

Our playlist:  Johnny Angel - Shelley Fabares

                      China Girl - David Bowie

                      Unwritten - Natasha Bedingfield

                      Jam - Michael Jackson