Smug as a bug in a rug: Closeting and the Selling of Scandal, Part 1 of 2

Fake news:  False, often sensational information disseminated under the guise of news reporting. When deliberate misinformation or hoaxes spread via traditional print and broadcast media, including online social platforms.

Contrary to Trump's braggadocio-ridden blathering, disinformation and strategically planted sensationalistic lies have been around since time began. A tried and true method of planting a seed in the mind of an ill-informed audience, or a group of people predisposed to want to believe a story either out of ignorance or often times based on biases that influence perceptions as well as realities.

The tactic is simple. Construct a certain image or an exaggerated reputation that stays imprinted upon the mind and muscle memory of the public. That way if any semblance of the truth accidentally shines through, there is an embedded predisposition to believe the lie.

Within this frame of reference, it should come as no surprise, that the powers that be use the narrative of THE SCANDAL to plant the seed that someone is genuinely, truly, no doubt about it, very much heterosexual. That way if any rumors surface (or more than likely already have), the public has some high profile event or airing of dirty laundry they can point to as "proof" of that person's undeniable straightness. 

In today's more savvy, aware world, a public marriage is no longer enough to "convince" or shut down discourse. Dating scenarios, even Lothario in nature, or broken off engagements, are also far too bland and commonplace to convince the cynical and shrewd at heart.  Therefore, other elements must be thrown in for good measure. An in-your-face "shock and awe" story that can last for years. Sometimes decades if rolled out properly. People's memories are notoriously pathetic if left with only mundane material to draw upon. But, throw in some sex, nudity, infidelity, or prosecutable outrage and now we're talkin'.

1) 1997 - Gwyneth Paltrow and Brad Pitt

Supposedly, "innocently", vacationing in the West Indies in 1995 the poor unsuspecting "couple" just couldn't catch a break.  Several frontal nudes of Pitt surfaced, taken by the supposed trespassing pap. Paltrow, of course, had to be nude as well to solidify the story. But, the real red flag in this celebrity "scoop" is not just that the pics were published by "Playgirl" two years after the alleged incident (August 1997), but conveniently only after the two "broke up" because, of course, they were engaged as well (June 1997). I particularly love the attention grabbing headline, "Brad's Forbidden Photos." Google images still has the proof of straightness available for all to see, but here's a more-safe-for-the-workplace example. Derrière touching with a receptive tush: No gay here, people. Move along!

.

2) 2005 - Sophia Bush and Chad Michael Murray

Sophia Bush has a special place in our Narnia hearts because part of her public "story" involves one-half of a favorite OTP you all should be familiar with by now: a tall Texan by the name of Austin Nichols. In fact, Austin stepped right into her straight bona fides, once Chad had completed his contractual obligations. Admittedly, the provided "facts" do not coincide with what actually happened, but then management teams are not really known for embracing the truth about their closeted clients. In fact, by the time Austin Nichols and Sophia Bush "broke up" (conveniently, only a few months after "One Tree Hill" filmed their final episode in late November 2012), Bush went from "dating" Austin since 2009 to some razzle dazzle revisionist history that made it seem like they had been an on-off couple since 2006. The manipulation of their dating histories helped both of them out, even though it was an outright lie.  Bush had supposedly married CMM on April 16, 2005.  By September of that year, they had separated. By February 2006, she had filed for an annulment, which was denied. The divorce became final on December 29, 2006. See how that worked out nicely? She needed to fill in gaps associated with her hetero cred cover and so did Austin, since he had "broken" off his engagement with Claire Oswalt in 2004 and had not publicly dated anyone until Sophia Bush in 2009.  

 Here's the happy couple, aka the cheek smooch

But, you rightly ask, where is the scandal in all of this OTH three degree of separation stuff, and you would be right to refocus our attention.  In fact, let's start by noting that the shotgun romance and break up story with Chad Michael Murray was so well executed that it is still reaping benefits in 2017, allowing Bush to conjure up the ancient past to remind everyone that she was once married, albeit to a cheating woman chaser. See, all involved in this mess were heterosexual just in case anyone might question either side of the coupling. Particularly, since Chad Michael Murray had his own rumors with another half of one of our other OTPs.

Chad Michael Murry and Jared Padalecki

You can see where it might be important to hit home the CMM douche bag image as well:


Live and learn. Sophia Bush opened up about the aftermath and "trauma" of her much-publicized 2006 divorce from Chad Michael Murray in a new open letter published in Cosmopolitan. US Magazine, January 2017

The passionate nose smooch

Seems like I've seen that sly move before. If only I could place...

 The passionate chin smooch

Aaah yes...In any event, back to the subject at hand. At first, the rumors were indeed fairly lukewarm. CMM caught leaving strip clubs soon after they married. Then the perfect story developed with famewhore de jure, Paris Hilton being the one to lure the actor into temptation. The convenient connection was the movie, The House of Wax which premiered at the Tribeca Film Festival on April 30, 2005. Who cares if the movie was actually filmed in Australia a year before in June 2004. A minor technicality easily solved by Aaron Carter going on The Heterosexual Ryan Seacrest™ KIIS radio show (don't worry, we'll be returning to Ry Ry later on) to silence any doubters one year later:

The on-air "corrobation" by another recognizable celebrity a common seal-the-deal technique to silence those pesky conspiracy theorists who refuse to be bullied into corporate submission:

Here's the sensational TMZ write-up, the headline surgically extracted from the radio interview:

10/5/2006 2:31 PM PDT -- TMZ

Paris Cheated on Me w/ Chad Michael Murray

It was bombshell after bombshell when Nick Carter called into Ryan Seacrest's top-rated morning show on KIIS FM in Los Angeles Thursday morning. The former Backstreet Boy shocked both Ryan and listeners by claiming he "hooked up" with Ashlee Simpson, as an act of revenge against his ex-girlfriend Paris Hilton.

According to Carter, Paris forced the situation after she allegedly cheated on him with her "House of Wax" co-star Chad Michael Murray. When asked if Murray was together with his ex-wife Sophia Bush at the time, Nick promptly responded, "Yeah."

If the name Aaron Carter, might sound familiar in 2017...it probably should. In some ways, he was just another up and comer singer back in 2006, with his own queer rumors to tap down. A nineteen year old boy/man standing in the shadow of his much more famous Backstreet Boys brother, Nick. But, because of his lineage, he was also an individual cognizant of the realities of the business and the machinations of the closet. In other words, the perfect enabler. Someone who not only wanted to advance his own music career by selling a mandatory straight image, while simultaneously rubber stamping an earlier version of the same Sophia Bush/Chad Michael Murry "love" story. 

Aaron Carter on Revealing His Bisexuality: ‘I Just Can’t Live a Lie Anymore’ -- August 14, 2017 "People Magazine"

3) 2012 - Prince Harry 

Let's face it, this stereotypical Bacchanal "scandal" is so cookie cutter in its content as well as its scripted roll out that all that's needed are some basic "facts" to expose what is really going on here. First off the level of detail is noteworthy, in addition to the "exclusive," predictable tabloid reveal. Supported by the added push of credibility via PEOPLE magazine. Let's set the stage first. The venue:  SIN CITY, Las Vegas. The protagonist:  Prince Harry, third in line to the throne. The event:  An extraordinarily well-publicized jacuzzi pool party and strip billards game in a VIP Hotel Room.  The confirmed refreshments: £65 pitchers of ‘dragonberry’ mojitos and a £13,000 15-litre bottle of Veuve Clicquot champagne.  The protection:  High level security.

At this point, credulity is already being stretched to the maximum, but let's continue anyway just in case we can't guess what the real purpose for all of this intricate detail is. Apparently, just reporting the elements of the story, based on eyewitness accounts, was not considered enough to ensure that the Prince's true preferences would be indisputable. Therefore, drum roll, please. Shockingly, the celebrity website TMZ (often used as one of the first purveyors of PR stunts in the United States) is able to somehow obtain candid photos of the 27-year-old royal, naked (that's right fully naked!), except "for some jewellery" (a nice detail to bolster authenticity). Bodyguards are at the ready, but still allow a bevy of naked women into the Prince's VIP hotel room to take photos of him playing strip billiards. Afterwards, the "drunken women" (because the presence of an uninhibited orgy of females is far better than one woman) were simply allowed to dress and leave with their camera phones and their un-deleted snapshots.  

Of course, the story line was "toned down" with an "official" statement from one the girls assuring everyone that it wasn't really an orgy. Just some "sexy naked," time (whatever that's supposed to mean).  But upon closer inspection, that's about as believable as Prince Harry's security allowing such a publicized debacle to happen in the first place.  Luckily, the world is assured by the "esteemed" Daily Fail,  that there was no security breach so there was absolutely no need to worry about the Prince's safety at anytime. In other words, nothing bad could ever have happened because the Prince's bodyguards and minders were not there to protect his reputation.  Only his manhood, apparently. Because that's what everyone was meant to take away from this event. Prince Harry loves the ladies a lot.  And they love him back. Case closed.


 
For a candid photo, the Prince sure seems perfectly positioned, don't you think?  

Click Here for Part 2 of 2 of Smug As a Bug In a Rug

pic sources: Us Magazine, Getty, People, Daily Mail

our playlist:   Oops!... I Did It Again - Britney Spears

                      Demons - Imagine Dragon
                      I Won't Back Down - Tom Petty
                      Know Your Enemy - Green Day 
                  

Smug as a bug in a rug: Closeting and the Selling of Scandal, Part 2 of 2

[ If missed, please read Pt. 1 of 2 here first ]

4) August 2015- November 2015 Patrick Kane 

Patrick Kane is a well-known figure in the NHL. Well-known and accomplished. To date, he has won three Stanley Cups with the Chicago Blackhawks. He also was the NHL Rookie of the year in 2007-08 and an MVP in the 2013 Playoffs.  He also became the first American player to win the Scoring Title during the 2015-2016 season. In July 2014, Kane also happened to have signed an eight-year $84 million dollar contract, which was impressively matched by his close friend and teammate, Jonathan Toews. 

Another superstar talent, Toews entered the league the same year as Kane, a twice honored Olympic Gold medalist with natural leadership capabilities, which the Chicago Blackhawks immediately acknowledged by naming him team captain at only 20 years of age. Often referred to as the world's best hockey player by those in a position to know what that accolade entails, he likewise has three Stanley Cup titles under his belt. 

From the beginning, Kane and Toews were inseparable, becoming the best of friends, with a chemistry and closeness for all to see and comment upon. So close, in fact, that bromance had quickly become the only socially acceptable catchall phrase used to describe the standout pair. At 29 years of age, neither have been married.

Thus far the selling of scandal as part of the closeting strategy for celebrities has exclusively focused on sex, nudity and infidelity. But with Patrick Kane, we come to the most serious topic of all. Narratives that involve more than just advancing the traditional markers of heterosexuality such as engagements, womanizing, and marriages. In August 2015, a claim of the most despicable kind hit the headlines, the assertion of rape. 

From the beginning, the journalist who first became aware of the charges against Kane curiously described the case as "one of the hardest stories to pursue... in [his] 38 years as a reporter.” In the end, no arrests were ever made, and Kane's DNA was only found on the accuser's shoulders and fingernails, even after a sexual kit examination at a local hospital. During the three month ordeal, the prosecutor accused the alleged victim’s mother of a hoax and described the case as being "rife with reasonable doubt."  In fact, the alleged victim’s lawyer eventually resigned. On the other hand, the Erie County District Attorney, Frank Sedita, emphasized that Kane had never made incriminating statements, nor did he ever engage in "any conduct consistent with a consciousness of guilt."  Long story short, in the end, Kane was never arrested and no charges were ever filed. The investigation closed after approximately 90 days, just in time for the bulk of the 2015-16 NHL season to be played. 

And to tie everything up nicely in a big Blackhawk red bow, Patrick Kane made the culminating statement:  "My family's been awesome. My girlfriend's been great." Once again, a lot of sound and fury signifying nothing in the end. But, an extravagant scandal no hockey fan will forget anytime soon. Evidently, an $86 million sports contract might have some drawbacks after all, particularly if others perceive both recipients as being "bromatically" inclined. While Toews is still shackled with his blond "bombshell girlfriend," Kane's reputation has been irretrievably sacrificed as added protection, collateral damage in the inevitable casualties of the closet wars.  

Our last example needs little introduction, other than the appellation that he has rightfully earned as a result of years of comical attempts to persuade the public that he likes women. Really, he wants you to know that he does. The quintessential entertainment industry insider. The man "The Beard Club" has crowned "The gayest US TV host ever'.  Our archetype closeted man of the hour:  Mr. All-Time Heterosexual, Ryan Seacrest™

Now, even though it's hard to believe, with all the multifarious examples we have been subjected, er, introduced to over the years, it appears that Mr. Heterosexual, Ryan Seacrest™ is still insecure about his straight status in the public's eye. But with so many headlines grappling for attention, what possible story line might Mr. Heterosexual, Ryan Seacrest™ insert himself into to reinforce that precious cis image of his. The tax hike for the rich debate? How about the Russian interference with the 2016 election? Maybe the Shanghai Victoria Secret's Fashion Show debacle? No that won't work. That's Harry Styles' closet. What about exploiting one of the most important issues of our time? The #MeToo movement that encourages victims of sexual assault and abuse to come forward into the light of day in the wake of the Harvey Weinstein revelations.  Surely, not Mr. Heterosexual, Ryan Seacrest™.  His net worth is said to be over $350 million dollars. A power player in the entertainment industry. What does he have to hide? Well, think again. A current headline:

Ryan Seacrest Denies Misconduct Allegations Brought Against Him By Former Stylist

Good thing a spokesperson for E! has immediately confirmed that an investigation is under way. That should ensure a thoroughly vetted outcome. Oh, but that's right. Since the charges are more than likely a Machiavellian case of unscrupulous misdirection, there is actually no need for an investigation at all. But, like Patrick Kane, Seacrest gets the benefit of a controversy that will grab the headlines and subliminally remind everyone that he wants women. For men of his ilk, it doesn't matter that the charge is sexual assault. As long as his preppy closet is nice and tidy in the aftermath. 

When people wonder why it is so hard to come out of the closet in the film, music or sports industry today, the rigged game is an answer to the question.  Just remember that the next time someone accuses another of being a delusional conspiracy theorist because they think a performer is not straight, they are more than likely being accused by someone working for the power structure in the entertainment industry. And that same someone is hired to collude, conspire, and get other useful idiots to be complicit in their grand schemes of perpetuating the closet. In this instance, going on the offensive and pointing fingers is a tried and true method to shut down meaningful discussion. 

There's nothing wrong with using your own eyes, your ears and your brains to come to a reasonable conclusion about any topic. Lies, deceptions, cover ups, manufactured scandals will not further freedom or tolerance. While some may choose to self closet, thousands more would love to be liberated and given a real choice. Allies are welcomed, even though the Powers That Be would love to convince others this is not the case.

 Louis Tomlinson literally struggling to climb out of the closet,  posted on Niall Horan's instagram.  August 22, 2014

 

pic sources: Us Magazine, Getty, People, Daily Mail

our playlist:  Oops!... I Did It Again - Britney Spears

                     Demons - Imagine Dragons
                     I Won't Back Down - Tom Petty
                     Know Your Enemy - Green Day