Summertime and the livin' is easy ♫♬....except when you're following secret boyfriends and husbands.....♪♫ la la la la
Hope everyone enjoyed the last sip of that summertime refreshment over Labor Day weekend because it's about time to be thinking about cider!
My goodness. Seems like not so long ago, spring flowers were just being replaced by summer blooms. So, without going too deep into the weeds as we now enter the crisp mornings of early autumn, let's take a quick look back at some random online activity that will either afford us the opportunity to sound off, or to enjoy a few celebratory high fives.
• Let's start out with a puzzlement. Initially, this post discusses an original script, based off of a real-life event, where there are two actors who have a direct association to Jake Gyllenhaal - Paul Dano and America Ferrera.
And yet this kind of mainstream role, either is never offered to Jake directly or he simply has no interest in the subject matter. In fact, the only kinds of films Jake seems to routinely associate himself with all seem to have a repetitive similarity:
1) remakes that have already been done,
2) military or cop films,
3) scripts with unhinged characters that call for vein-popping, unmodulated yelling, fist pounding mirror breaking, or desk-clearing outbursts, [the latter two being particularly prevalent],
4) or stories where his own character either dies/suffers immensely, AND/OR has a wife/girlfriend who die or abandon him.
The whole speculation of the why's and how's for this noticeable pattern in role-taking could fill a Pandora's box of speculations.
- Jake or his people, want to transform him into another Mark Wahlberg.
- Jake is subconsciously punishing himself for something because he repeatedly takes roles where he is hurt, killed, tortured (emotionally/psychologically), or robbed of life's happiness.
- And how many times does Jake's characters have to lose a wife or girlfriend? What happens to his on-screen wife and daughter in Nocturnal Animals is horrendous, raped then killed. Southpaw - wife is killed. One of the most frequently used images on social media from Nightcrawler is Jake's character video recording a dead female victim sitting on a couch. Accidental Love - the female lead (played by Jessica Biel) has a nail in the head. Love and Other Drugs - instead of focusing on the prescription drug industry as many thought the film was going to do, the female lead in the movie is stricken with multiple sclerosis. Okja - the pig (female) is forcibly bred and abused. Demolition - wife is killed in a car accident. Wildlife - presents an outrageously dysfunctional family life, where Jake's movie "wife" has an affair and eventually moves out. At the end of the story their son wants one last photograph of them as a family, which Carey Mulligan's character only begrudgingly provides.
By this point in his career, Jake's patterns/preferences are difficult to deny.
Brokeback Mountain - Jake's character Jack Twist tragically dies while Ennis lives on
Everest - Jake's character dies, freezing to death on the mountain.
Life - Jake's character is hinted at being dead, trapped in a pod with the villain alien, under the ocean water
The Sisters Brothers - Jake's character dies - shoots himself in the head
The Guilty - Jake's character is an LAPD cop, who at the end of the movie will plead guilty to manslaughter with the possibility of spending years in prison
Ambulance - Jake's character dies, shot by his own brother
Spiderman: Far From Home - Jake's character, Mysterio, dies (but with a brief cameo which indicates he may not be dead after all * eye roll *)
Velvet Buzzsaw - Jake's character Mort Vandewalt dies a traumatic death
Okja - Jake's character Dr. Johnny Wilcox is a sinister villain who is responsible for the forced mating and abuse of the pig character, Okja. It's not totally clear in the film, but it's possible Jake's character dies, or at the very least meets a violent attack.
Interesting, isn't it? Meanwhile, we wait for the premiere of Road House, another remake. This time of a 1989 film by the same name, originally starring Patrick Swayze.
🏄🏄🏄🏄🏄🏄
Now, onto some new "relationships" or what Narnia likes to call "propinquity placements" that couldn't help but tickle our collective funny bones:
Tom Brady and Leo DiCaprio,
Probably, a "sighting" designed to help out Tom by associating him with Leo. The two men are not even near one another here, yet the tweets about the yacht birthday party excursion in Sardinia centered around Brady and Leo D:
 | |||
| Red arrows courtesy of TMZ 😂😂 |
Btw, Tom Brady and Leo D share a beard in common: Gisele Bündchen.
And now, Brady has been seen with Bradley Cooper's cast-off beard, Irina Shayak. Remember that Shayak's eyebrow arching "dating" history also includes "Ye" (formerly known as Kanye West) as well as Cristiano Ronaldo. Sooooooo... 😉
 |
| 😏 |
And how about this one?
Buffalo Bills quarterback, Josh Allen and Niall Horan's old former "flame", Hailee Steinfeld.
Now, it could be that Josh Allen's team is just trying to raise his visibility and get him some Hollywood attention. But one thing is for sure. The write-ups and quotes sound very familiar and reek of PR.
 | ||
| and using Page Six???? |
And, of course, there's Just Jared.
Regarding the photos of the alleged couple 'making out', he explained that they (he and Steinfeld) noticed the photographers hiding out 'on a boat' to get the shots.
"I just, like, felt this gross feeling," Josh said about the photos. "Insecurity. No privacy. Like, 'What is wrong with people?'" - Just Jared, August 3, 2023
Come on, Josh. Surely photographers are not a new thing. How did they just happen to find you on a boat??? 😉
•And it appears that hardly anyone noticed that was Gene Hong chaperoning Jake with his beard, Jeanne Cadieu at the French Open on June 11.
 |
| hmmm, that guy in front of Jake looks familiar... |
Yep, that's Gene Hong in the lower lefthand corner. What in the heck? Oh, but wait. The timing of this pairing actually works out quite well. Especially, since Gene and Jake's good friend, Adam Levine, and his group Maroon 5 were in the midst of touring. And where exactly was the group performing on the 13th? Lisbon, Portugal! Their previous date before that was Las Vegas on April 8. That must have allowed some time for travel. And we can't forget Austin would have been there too because... well, who was watching all the Baby Tiles while Papa was doing his duty? Yup, Narnia thinks there may have been some SoCal socializing going on over in France perhaps?? 😉🕺🕺🎸🌊
Remember, just because Jake and Gene were in Paris together, does not necessarily mean that's where Jake and Austin have a place. From their past history, we know these two men like to be near the water, so Adam could have cut even more time off of his flight if he was a bit further south, just sayin'...
If Narnia readers are not familiar with the longtime "friendship" between Adam Levine and Gene Hong, Narnia promises to explore this pairing at a later time. For now, let's just mention that we believe that The Voice's Shevine (Adam Levine + Blake Shelton) was never a real secret relationship, but instead a classic case of mearding to distract from Levine and Hong's real relationship. Oh, and in case the reader is not familiar with Levine's inner circle, Irving Azoff is very much a part of it. 💻
 |
| Well, look at that! |
Just one more point before we move on. With so many assault lawsuits and headline-grabbing accusations flying around Hollywood these days, it might make sense for Jake to ensure Cadieu doesn't get any wild hairs and try to make some extra money. That's right. Might Gene Hong be part Jake's witness protection program? Who could blame him?
And before anyone gets their ire up about a victim-blaming insinuation, of course not all accusations are going to be false. But there are too many sensational incidents associated with closeted celebrities, which have definitely gone nowhere in the courts.
Who knows. Maybe after Jake and Gene Hong punched the time clock at the French Open, Austy was doing some of this to greet the fellas upon their return to the Gyllynichols Hacienda for a bite to eat afterwards!
😁 Just having a bit of fun! 😉
• Another curiosity from this past summer was a Randi Mahomes "cameo" appearance from out of nowhere.
Travis is an "It" guy at the moment, but maybe there's another reason she felt comfortable elbowing her way into Travis' interview. Think about it for a moment and our readers just might figure it out on their own.
Let's now check-in with Jared and Jensen:
• Let's start by observing why a past summer stunt "outing" was so unconvincing. As Supernatural fans are aware, "Bodyguard/Handler" Cliffie Kosterman usually hangs around Jared Padalecki. Yet, all of a sudden, he was "road tripping" with Jensen Ackles. 😂😂
Taking a ride around the block for this one, fellas?? Surely, it's worth wondering why Kosterman is still around when the show Supernatural has been over since 2020?
Let's start by wondering what Kosterman makes for being a tick handler. Remember, this is part of the reason why concert and movie tickets are so high. Part of the cost can no doubt be traced back to paying for beards, meards, social media plants, and hang-alongs, in general, those like Cliff Kosterman, Anson Gordon, Jeanne Cadieu, and a "personal trainer" like Brad Gould aka Bread. It costs money for their air fares, hotels, pap walks, meals, etc. Part of the cost may come out of the closeted celebrity's earnings, but the agency may have to pay for comp tickets to UFC or photography fees.
And for fans still thinking Kosterman is a "bodyguard" or security? Never forget this:
 |
| Door holder on the left, real bodyguard on the right |
Mayo "Maya" Henry 2.0?
This Just Jared post had all kinds of shades of "Mayo" Henry: "POV you went from being a deranged fan girl at age 15...to being Zayn's lead love interest in his MV and getting posted on his IG." The more things change, the more they stay the same. Sigh.
🚩🚩
🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉
Alright. Homestretch, folks. Let's wind up this overview with a couple of Just Jared lightning bolts, 🤣
• A former Jake beard alert:
Natalie Portman and Benjamin Millepied donezo - preceded by mentions of alleged infidelity on Benjamin's part... 🗲🗲
Aaaaand, an Austin Nichols former beard alert:
 |
| smh - another "marriage" fail |
Thirteen months later, looks like allllll that Italian, Lake Como (a familar stunt locale - aka Liam Payne) boating extravaganza has come to nought. Just donze-o after those "leaning into happiness" headlines? We wonder if Kator Gems was an installment plan or just a one- day rental fee. Bottom line is that any fan who is buying these "relationships" of Sophia's, just has not been paying attention. So many rinse and repeat cycles of hook up and dumps, with her "ex" always being the bad guy or not worth her time and devotion. She is always the victim of a cad's "cheating" or just plain "unlucky in love". Come on, those guys can't all be cads. No, the explanations are simply that another contract has ended.
Two years ago, August 15, 2021, Narnia's own Methodical Muser posted an excellent timeline of Ms. Bush's "dating" history, immediately calling the "engagement" a sham.
"Will the Truth Prevail When Timelines Collide?: The Dating History of Sophia Bush" is a quite interesting read.
After all, it never hurts to revive the ol' memory chips once in a while! 😄
Note Oct 21, 2023: to show how things can quickly change, in a soon-following post, we will see indeed how things have changed for Sophia Bush.
💍💍💍💍💍💍
Let's close with a couple of quick miscellaneous notes/queries.
What's with fans posting photo shops? This particular photo shop is by an alleged Chiefs fan, who claims she attended one of the Chiefs summer training camp practices and saw Narnia fave, Travis Kelce. This photo looked innocent enough at first.
The fan had a simple question about whether Travis was wearing glasses in that photo? It was a question designed to invite engagement from others.
But when you look a bit closer, you realize that Travis's left leg is a totally different shade, and his right leg is a composite of two legs - with two different skin tones.
In addition, part of Travis's right shoe is missing, and it looks like he's practically stepping on top of someone, "walking" in front of him, to his right. Because so many people use their phones to view images it's not surprising that photos are often not challenged. Also, with more frequent study, one's eye becomes more trained to spot the trickery.
Who knows why someone would do this, other than maybe just to mess with people or to gradually get viewers accustomed to fake imagery. But this kind of social media team manipulation is typical of what one sees quite often when it comes to celebrity photos, particular if a certain "romantic" narrative is being constructed. Let's put it this way: if someone possesses a photo shop skill set, there could be a job for you in the entertainment industry.
By this point, who cares if Travis is "wearing glasses" or not? Although such a seemingly innocuous question does test the waters to see what kind of engagement/impressions a celebrity is getting. The kind of info important for other decisions in the future from the Kelce team, like whether or not to initiate a fake relationship with a certain high-profile entertainer...oh, like maybe a Taylor Swift. #JustSayin'
👓👓👓👓👓👓👓👓
Finally, a few odds and ends regarding the evolution of Jake Gyllenhaal's appearance -
• Hard to believe this is Jake Gyllenhaal today in 2023 (scroll down for pic)? But first, for comparison, here he was at the LA Conservation Luncheon back in 2009,
Then...
2003,
2008,
and even casually backstage back in 2019, a crease-less T shirt,
Even when getting a haircut in 2011, he has a pristine sweater!
Coats and jackets are a perfect fit! Rarely a crease to be had.
A gas pumping pap outing (say that 3x real fast!),
So how could one not help but notice in June of this year 2023, when Jake just looked so different merely because his (linen?) shirt was wrinkled?! It's funny the things that standout after being so used to years of photos and observing the style tendencies of someone.
We've been so used to Jake in his right-out-of-the-box pristine sneakers and smooth T-shirts and sweaters, it was weird to see rumpled clothing on him. LOL!
Let's end this post with some One Direction:
• Back in late June, Louis Tomlinson was set to perform at Red Rocks Amphitheater outside of Denver, Colorado, when the weather took a horrific turn for the worse. With so many of the fans inside the theater waiting for the show to start and not enough time to evacuate and seek shelter when a terrible hailstorm hit, many injuries occurred. Mother Nature can be quite frightening. Not to mention the numerous broken windshields. The images looked like a scene from a disaster film.
But as so often happens with the One Direction fandom, people helped one another, shared evacuation information, offered stranded people rides and other support, even looking for lost possessions and offering to help pay for gas. Indeed, One Direction is still one of the most resilient fandoms around. This particular fan said she had made it to safety when a concerned peer asked if she was okay. And she still managed to find a light moment in the midst of the distress and Narnia loves that her Louis doll made it through the storm as well.
We hope that all of these fans are able to still see Louis in the near future at Red Rocks and under nothing but a star-lit sky. 🌟🌟🌟🌠
• In conclusion, just another daily reminder that none of the One Direction men are free yet. Even Zayn Malik, who has consistently been made to look as if he makes his own decisions ever since he "left" the group in March 2015, is still under obvious restrictions:
Just spoon-feeding readers that this photo was courtesy of "Khai" has to be gaslighting at its very best. The idea that any 2.5-year-old toddler knows how to operate a cell phone camera is simply not funny either. Not when the man in the photo is closeted and has no ability to correct the record. Baba farmer, indeed.
And then this nonsense from the ex-beard's camp in an interview in Net-A-Porter, via Just Jared:
our playlist: Closing Time - Semisonic
Just For You - Lionel Ritchie
Shining Light - Annie Lennox
Real World - Matchbox Twenty
Waiting in Vain - Annie Lennox
No comments:
Post a Comment