The Summer Long Wound Down: The Illusions of Jake Gyllenhaal's Film Career and Laundry Practices

 

Summertime and the livin' is easy ♫♬....except when you're following secret boyfriends and husbands.....♪♫  la la la la  

Hope everyone enjoyed the last sip of that summertime refreshment over Labor Day weekend because it's about time to be thinking about cider!

My goodness. Seems like not so long ago, spring flowers were just being replaced by summer blooms. So, without going too deep into the weeds as we now enter the crisp mornings of early autumn, let's take a quick look back at some random online activity that will either afford us the opportunity to sound off, or to enjoy a few celebratory high fives. 

 

• Let's start out with a puzzlement.  Initially, this post discusses an original script, based off of a real-life event, where there are two actors who have a direct association to Jake Gyllenhaal - Paul Dano and America Ferrera.  

 

 

And yet this kind of mainstream role, either is never offered to Jake directly or he simply has no interest in the subject matter.  In fact, the only kinds of films Jake seems to routinely associate himself with all seem to have a repetitive similarity:

1) remakes that have already been done, 

2) military or cop films,

3) scripts with unhinged characters that call for vein-popping, unmodulated yelling, fist pounding mirror breaking, or desk-clearing outbursts, [the latter two being particularly prevalent], 

4) or stories where his own character either dies/suffers immensely, AND/OR has a wife/girlfriend who die or abandon him.  

 

The whole speculation of the why's and how's for this noticeable pattern in role-taking could fill a Pandora's box of speculations.

- Jake or his people, want to transform him into another Mark Wahlberg.

- Jake is subconsciously punishing himself for something because he repeatedly takes roles where he is hurt, killed, tortured (emotionally/psychologically), or robbed of life's happiness. 

- And how many times does Jake's characters have to lose a wife or girlfriend? What happens to his on-screen wife and daughter in Nocturnal Animals is horrendous, raped then killed.  Southpaw - wife is killed. One of the most frequently used images on social media from Nightcrawler is Jake's character video recording a dead female victim sitting on a couch.  Accidental Love - the female lead (played by Jessica Biel) has a nail in the head.   Love and Other Drugs - instead of focusing on the prescription drug industry as many thought the film was going to do, the female lead in the movie is stricken with multiple sclerosis.  Okja - the pig (female) is forcibly bred and abused.  Demolition - wife is killed in a car accident. Wildlife - presents an outrageously dysfunctional family life, where Jake's movie "wife" has an affair and eventually moves out. At the end of the story their son wants one last photograph of them as a family, which Carey Mulligan's character only begrudgingly provides.

By this point in his career, Jake's patterns/preferences are difficult to deny.

Brokeback Mountain - Jake's character Jack Twist tragically dies while Ennis lives on

Everest - Jake's character dies, freezing to death on the mountain. 

Life - Jake's character is hinted at being dead, trapped in a pod with the villain alien, under the ocean water

The Sisters Brothers - Jake's character dies - shoots himself in the head

The Guilty - Jake's character is an LAPD cop, who at the end of the movie will plead guilty to manslaughter with the possibility of spending years in prison

Ambulance - Jake's character dies, shot by his own brother

Spiderman:  Far From Home - Jake's character, Mysterio, dies (but with a brief cameo which indicates he may not be dead after all * eye roll *)

Velvet Buzzsaw - Jake's character Mort Vandewalt dies a traumatic death

Okja - Jake's character Dr. Johnny Wilcox is a sinister villain who is responsible for the forced mating and abuse of the pig character, Okja.  It's not totally clear in the film, but it's possible Jake's character dies, or at the very least meets a violent attack.

 

Interesting, isn't it? Meanwhile, we wait for the premiere of Road House, another remake. This time of a 1989 film by the same name, originally starring Patrick Swayze. 

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Now, onto some new "relationships" or what Narnia likes to call "propinquity placements" that couldn't help but tickle our collective funny bones:

 

Tom Brady and Leo DiCaprio,

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Probably, a "sighting" designed to help out Tom by associating him with Leo.  The two men are not even near one another here, yet the tweets about the yacht birthday party excursion in Sardinia centered around Brady and Leo D:

 

Red arrows courtesy of TMZ 😂😂

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Btw, Tom Brady and Leo D share a beard in common:  Gisele Bündchen.  

And now, Brady has been seen with Bradley Cooper's cast-off beard, Irina Shayak.  Remember that Shayak's eyebrow arching "dating" history also includes "Ye" (formerly known as Kanye West) as well as Cristiano Ronaldo.  Sooooooo... 😉  

 

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And how about this one?

Buffalo Bills quarterback, Josh Allen and Niall Horan's old former "flame", Hailee Steinfeld.  

Now, it could be that Josh Allen's team is just trying to raise his visibility and get him some Hollywood attention.  But one thing is for sure. The write-ups and quotes sound very familiar and reek of PR. 

and using Page Six????

And, of course, there's Just Jared.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Regarding the photos of the alleged couple 'making out', he explained that they (he and Steinfeld) noticed the photographers hiding out 'on a boat' to get the shots.

"I just, like, felt this gross feeling," Josh said about the photos.  "Insecurity.  No privacy.  Like, 'What is wrong with people?'" - Just Jared, August 3, 2023

 

Come on, Josh. Surely photographers are not a new thing. How did they just happen to find you on a boat???  😉

 

•And it appears that hardly anyone noticed that was Gene Hong chaperoning Jake with his beard, Jeanne Cadieu at the French Open on June 11.  

 

hmmm, that guy in front of Jake looks familiar...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yep, that's Gene Hong in the lower lefthand corner.  What in the heck?  Oh, but wait. The timing of this pairing actually works out quite well.  Especially, since Gene and Jake's good friend, Adam Levine, and his group Maroon 5 were in the midst of touring. And where exactly was the group performing on the 13th?  Lisbon, Portugal!  Their previous date before that was Las Vegas on April 8.  That must have allowed some time for travel.  And we can't forget Austin would have been there too because... well, who was watching all the Baby Tiles while Papa was doing his duty? Yup, Narnia thinks there may have been some SoCal socializing going on over in France perhaps??  😉🕺🕺🎸🌊

Remember, just because Jake and Gene were in Paris together, does not necessarily mean that's where Jake and Austin have a place.  From their past history, we know these two men like to be near the water, so Adam could have cut even more time off of his flight if he was a bit further south, just sayin'...

If Narnia readers are not familiar with the longtime "friendship" between Adam Levine and Gene Hong, Narnia promises to explore this pairing at a later time. For now, let's just mention that we believe that The Voice's Shevine (Adam Levine + Blake Shelton) was never a real secret relationship, but instead a classic case of mearding to distract from Levine and Hong's real relationship. Oh, and in case the reader is not familiar with Levine's inner circle, Irving Azoff is very much a part of it.   💻

 

Well, look at that!

 

 

 

 

Just one more point before we move on. With so many assault lawsuits and headline-grabbing accusations flying around Hollywood these days, it might make sense for Jake to ensure Cadieu doesn't get any wild hairs and try to make some extra money.  That's right. Might Gene Hong be part Jake's witness protection program?  Who could blame him?

And before anyone gets their ire up about a victim-blaming insinuation, of course not all accusations are going to be false.  But there are too many sensational incidents associated with closeted celebrities, which have definitely gone nowhere in the courts.  

Who knows. Maybe after Jake and Gene Hong punched the time clock at the French Open, Austy was doing some of this to greet the fellas upon their return to the Gyllynichols Hacienda for a bite to eat afterwards!

 😁 Just having a bit of fun! 😉

 

• Another curiosity from this past summer was a Randi Mahomes "cameo" appearance from out of nowhere. 

 

 

Laying low throughout most of the entirety of last season here she is at a golf tournament.  But does she take a pic with her son Patrick, who was also playing in "The Match" as Travis' partner vs. Steph Curry and Clay Thompson?  No, instead she felt the urge to "join" in an interview that Travis was doing.  😬  

Travis is an "It" guy at the moment, but maybe there's another reason she felt comfortable elbowing her way into Travis' interview.  Think about it for a moment and our readers just might figure it out on their own. 

Let's now check-in with Jared and Jensen: 

• Let's start by observing why a past summer stunt "outing" was so unconvincing. As Supernatural fans are aware, "Bodyguard/Handler" Cliffie Kosterman usually hangs around Jared Padalecki.  Yet, all of a sudden, he was "road tripping" with Jensen Ackles.   😂😂 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Taking a ride around the block for this one, fellas??  Surely, it's worth wondering why Kosterman is still around when the show Supernatural has been over since 2020? 

Let's start by wondering what Kosterman makes for being a tick handler.  Remember, this is part of the reason why concert and movie tickets are so high.   Part of the cost can no doubt be traced back to paying for beards, meards, social media plants, and hang-alongs, in general, those like Cliff Kosterman, Anson Gordon, Jeanne Cadieu, and a "personal trainer" like Brad Gould aka Bread.  It costs money for their air fares, hotels, pap walks, meals, etc.  Part of the cost may come out of the closeted celebrity's earnings, but the agency may have to pay for comp tickets to UFC or photography fees.

And for fans still thinking Kosterman is a "bodyguard" or security?   Never forget this:

Door holder on the left, real bodyguard on the right

Mayo "Maya" Henry 2.0?

 

 

This Just Jared post had all kinds of shades of "Mayo" Henry:  "POV you went from being a deranged fan girl at age 15...to being Zayn's lead love interest in his MV and getting posted on his IG." The more things change, the more they stay the same. Sigh.

 

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Alright. Homestretch, folks. Let's wind up this overview with a couple of Just Jared lightning bolts, 🤣

 

• A former Jake beard alert:

Natalie Portman and Benjamin Millepied donezo - preceded by mentions of alleged infidelity on Benjamin's part... 🗲🗲

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Aaaaand, an Austin Nichols former beard alert:

 

smh - another "marriage" fail

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thirteen months later, looks like allllll that Italian, Lake Como (a familar stunt locale - aka Liam Payne) boating extravaganza has come to nought.  Just donze-o after those "leaning into happiness" headlines? We wonder if Kator Gems was an installment plan or just a one- day rental fee.  Bottom line is that any fan who is buying these "relationships" of Sophia's, just has not been paying attention.   So many rinse and repeat cycles of hook up and dumps, with her "ex" always being the bad guy or not worth her time and devotion.  She is always the victim of a cad's "cheating" or just plain "unlucky in love".  Come on, those guys can't all be cads.  No, the explanations are simply that another contract has ended.

Two years ago, August 15, 2021, Narnia's own Methodical Muser posted an excellent timeline of Ms. Bush's "dating" history, immediately calling the "engagement" a sham.

"Will the Truth Prevail When Timelines Collide?:  The Dating History of Sophia Bush" is a quite interesting read.

After all, it never hurts to revive the ol' memory chips once in a while!  😄

Note Oct 21, 2023:  to show how things can quickly change, in a soon-following post, we will see indeed how things have changed for Sophia Bush.  

 

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Let's close with a couple of quick miscellaneous notes/queries.

What's with fans posting photo shops?   This particular photo shop is by an alleged Chiefs fan, who claims she attended one of the Chiefs summer training camp practices and saw Narnia fave, Travis Kelce.   This photo looked innocent enough at first.

 

 

The fan had a simple question about whether Travis was wearing glasses in that photo?  It was a question designed to invite engagement from others.  

But when you look a bit closer, you realize that Travis's left leg is a totally different shade, and his right leg is a composite of two legs - with two different skin tones.

In addition, part of Travis's right shoe is missing, and it looks like he's practically stepping on top of someone, "walking" in front of him, to his right.  Because so many people use their phones to view images it's not surprising that photos are often not challenged. Also, with more frequent study, one's eye becomes more trained to spot the trickery.

Who knows why someone would do this, other than maybe just to mess with people or to gradually get viewers accustomed to fake imagery.  But this kind of social media team manipulation is typical of what one sees quite often when it comes to celebrity photos, particular if a certain "romantic" narrative is being constructed. Let's put it this way:  if someone possesses a photo shop skill set, there could be a job for you in the entertainment industry.

By this point, who cares if Travis is "wearing glasses" or not?  Although such a seemingly innocuous question does test the waters to see what kind of engagement/impressions a celebrity is getting. The kind of info important for other decisions in the future from the Kelce team, like whether or not to initiate a fake relationship with a certain high-profile entertainer...oh, like maybe a Taylor Swift. #JustSayin'

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Finally, a few odds and ends regarding the evolution of Jake Gyllenhaal's appearance - 

• Hard to believe this is Jake Gyllenhaal today in 2023 (scroll down for pic)?   But first, for comparison, here he was at the LA Conservation Luncheon back in 2009,

 

 

Then...

2003,

2008,

and even casually backstage back in 2019, a crease-less T shirt,

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Even when getting a haircut in 2011, he has a pristine sweater!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Coats and jackets are a perfect fit!  Rarely a crease to be had.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A gas pumping pap outing (say that 3x real fast!),

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So how could one not help but notice in June of this year 2023, when Jake just looked so different merely because his (linen?) shirt was wrinkled?!  It's funny the things that standout after being so used to years of photos and observing the style tendencies of someone.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We've been so used to Jake in his right-out-of-the-box pristine sneakers and smooth T-shirts and sweaters, it was weird to see rumpled clothing on him.  LOL!

 

 

Let's end this post with some One Direction:

 

• Back in late June, Louis Tomlinson was set to perform at Red Rocks Amphitheater outside of Denver, Colorado, when the weather took a horrific turn for the worse.  With so many of the fans inside the theater waiting for the show to start and not enough time to evacuate and seek shelter when a terrible hailstorm hit, many injuries occurred. Mother Nature can be quite frightening.  Not to mention the numerous broken windshields.  The images looked like a scene from a disaster film.

But as so often happens with the One Direction fandom, people helped one another, shared evacuation information, offered stranded people rides and other support, even looking for lost possessions and offering to help pay for gas. Indeed, One Direction is still one of the most resilient fandoms around. This particular fan said she had made it to safety when a concerned peer asked if she was okay.  And she still managed to find a light moment in the midst of the distress and Narnia loves that her Louis doll made it through the storm as well.

 

  

We hope that all of these fans are able to still see Louis in the near future at Red Rocks and under nothing but a star-lit sky. 🌟🌟🌟🌠

 

•  In conclusion, just another daily reminder that none of the One Direction men are free yet. Even Zayn Malik, who has consistently been made to look as if he makes his own decisions ever since he "left" the group in March 2015, is still under obvious restrictions:

 

Just spoon-feeding readers that this photo was courtesy of "Khai" has to be gaslighting at its very best.  The idea that any 2.5-year-old toddler knows how to operate a cell phone camera is simply not funny either. Not when the man in the photo is closeted and has no ability to correct the record.  Baba farmer, indeed. 

And then this nonsense from the ex-beard's camp in an interview in Net-A-Porter, via Just Jared:

 

 

 

 

While there have been signs of loosening, and some new professional freedoms, these kinds of nagging, eye rollers still let us know, not-so-fast.

 

  

pic sources: giphy, tenor, Just Jared, Vanity Fair, TMZ, stepmap, IHeartJake,

                    deansraspberrypie

our playlist:  Closing Time - Semisonic

                     Just For You - Lionel Ritchie

                     Shining Light - Annie Lennox

                     Real World - Matchbox Twenty

                     Waiting in Vain - Annie Lennox

 

 

Winter/Spring 2020 Musings: Bringing Back Jake and Austin Pt 4 of 5

*Paging Jake Gyllenhaal and Austin Nichols! Paging Jake and Austin!*

Dónde están Jacobo y Austin?

😉  Well, here was Austin on Friday, Feb 28 on Twitter, doing his best again to look like a crazed man with the wild-man eyes:

and here was Jake, allegedly one minute in San Francisco, 

Okay, wait, hold up. What was this?  Where was Jake hanging out at?

Another #RSAC is in the books ✅ Check out our week in San Francisco talking to the industry about managing #DigitalRisk. pic.twitter.com/CFQ5Cde9UY

— RSA (@RSAsecurity) February 29, 2020

#RSAC? Talking hackers.  Secrets and lies?  Cyber security!

This kid can crack any of your passwords, and he's only 12! #RSAC #RSAC2020 #CyberSecurity #passwords #Hackers #Infosec pic.twitter.com/POWIFg926X

— Evan Kirstel (@evankirstel) February 24, 2020

Of all times, where were his ever-present "minders" at his side?  LOL!! They were likely dispersed to various booths getting some of the latest "tips".  Bet those convention goodie bags were LOADED.

Yep, there was Jake doing an outstanding job of trying not to look like a dad fresh off of spring break with the kiddos and hubs.  Which we know they had been doing.  ;-)  Shhh, we won't tell, Jakers!  You know this ain't Narnia's first rodeo.

[I don't know, though, Jakers, it is still a challenge trying to find you listed on their daily schedule for this year's conference! lol]  ← Somebody let me know if you find him! *wink* 

And then voila! Off to New York City, looking like a "responsibility-free" man,

a man on guard at all times.

And prior to this?  What were those two fellas up to?   Well, back in December, Jake hosted another screening (with light refreshments?) - this one was of Parasite, the Oscar winning film by Jake's former Okja director and fellow publicist Mara Buxbaum ID client, Bong Joon Ho.  Congratulations to Mr. Ho on his big wins!

Later in the month, Jake played corporate boss and hosted the Nine Stories annual holiday bash (looks like NYC besties Austin and Chumley were not invited back this year!),

And publicist Mara Buxbaum was going to take 2019 out with a GyllenHolland bang with this fandom-pleaser, first posted by the meard-er and meard-ee himself, Tom Holland and then re-grammed by Jake's account.

The fawning fest got even more 'romantic' with none other than Shawn Mendes gawking from afar and letting his brothers know that hey, he gave his A-OK.

All we were missing was John Mayer.  Wherefore art thou, John?  You can't make this stuff up, folks.  But alas, again, looks like Austin must've tracked mud into Jake's house or double-dipped his chip in the dip bowl last year because he was not invited to add his licks to this mano-a-mano brofest either. 

 

lol.  Aw well, can't have everyone!  I mean, everything.  

On December 22, this story subtly floated around, reminding everyone that Jake was going to be in Sunday in the Park With George during the upcoming summer of 2020: 

On Christmas Eve, John Mulaney's new Netflix show, Sack Lunch Bunch was released, with Jake guest starring.  JUST in time for the holidays...

Where Mulaney was the "mom" and Jake was the "dad".

                                 via bourgeoisiebirdie


Jake portraying another crazed, "chaotic" character helped to feed his social media search the remainder of 2019 and into January.

Meanwhile, Austin barely poked his head out of his gopher hole, although bro-in-law Rowdy's Instagram came in handy at holiday time for him.  At Thanksgiving, it was time for Austin to be placed in Austin, TX.

 

Christmas rolled around and Rowdy came to the rescue by posting a picture of Austin getting "caught" by the home security while supposedly urinating in his bro-in-law's yard.  On Christmas Day.  Oh, the horror of it all!  Gee, I don't know, M&M, can we even follow these boys anymore??? 😉

  
We can only assume sister Ashley was joining in on the holiday snickering, even though the status quo for Nichols/Stovall social media nearly always reflects non-visibility, reminiscent of Maggie Gyllenhaal and Peter Sarsgaard.  In Jake's case, we haven't seen him with ex- bro-in-law Peter in years, whereas with Austin, we rarely, rarely see his sister at all.  With anyone.  It's all Rowdy and Austin's nieces, nephew and dogs.  Interesting, isn't it?

Although it was supposed to be Christmas time according to this Dec 24 picture, the familiar, festive color combination of red and green appears to be non-existent! No evergreens or tinsel in the Rowdy household, it seems.

 
and so now, let's wade back through these waters otherwise known as the Jaustin Flim-Flam,

back to the other side, with Jakers.  In early January, the announcement came that Jake had another film project in the works.  Again, this kind of tweet just cannot be made up.  We're dead serious here! (I think Jake is laughing at us, don't you?)

Jake's company Nine Stories is to produce the film adaptation of the Tony-award winning musical.  No filming dates have been given yet.

And Austin was still "hanging out" in Texas, enjoying his college holiday "break". 

Motorcycles and Caviar... @swedishhillaustin pic.twitter.com/kK7NNKc4tf

— AUSTIN NICHOLS (@AustinNichols) January 8, 2020

Jake made a trip across the pond to attend a NYC classical music concert in late January, here he was (we presume) backstage with world famous conductor, Gustavo Dudamel:

Supposedly in later January, old friend and fellow papa Rufus Wainwright had Jake join him onstage for a crooning duet, All I Have To Do is Dream.  Too bad they couldn't have exchanged toddler-raising stories there on stage, isn't it? Guess Jake's "secret situation" would prevent that from happening.  ;-)

Rufus Wainwright y Jake Gyllenhaal cantando 'All I Have to Do Is Dream' de los Everly Brothers. ME DERRITO. pic.twitter.com/03NcCC2zrE

— Pedro J. García (@fuertecito) January 23, 2020

 

Longtime Jakers followers recall that time period during Reeke, when Jake and beard Witherspoon were seen at Wainwright concerts.

Could this have really only been thirteen years ago???

This quote from Rufus back in 2008 is interesting:

'I know Jake quite well, mainly because he'll admit he's a pretty fanatical Wainwright fan. He's been snooping around for a while, which has been lovely. Him, I don't look at as a mother. With him, I'm completely predatorial and willing to go anywhere, but I'm pretty sure he's straight. So that's not gonna -- whatever. We're fine. So I see him in Hollywood, and he's become quite a friend actually.' - The Delaware News Journal

 
from that once totally-gone, oh-look-it's-back-again Jake blog, Wet, Dark and Wild in a post from 2008.  Looks like even back then in 2008, Rufus Wainwright did not have any hesitancy in helping to protect Jake.  Why would anything change in 2020?  Indeed.

In early February, Jake likely needed to check up on the ol' homestead and so he "popped up" on the west coast.  Grocery shopping, working out, going to Oscar parties, but not the Oscars event itself (just the before and after??).  Go through the mail. Make sure the basement wasn't flooded. (Lol, do California homes have basements?)

Old familiar friend (and former roommate of Blake Shelton's boyfriend, Adam Levine)  Gene Hong, chummed along to a Lakers game.  Looks like Mara continues to try to re-do the Laker photos.

Jake did provide an opportunity for a Safety Moment during one of his LA outings:  we should try to avoid bending forward at awkward angles, i.e. with a cart in front of your body. Even the Louis Tomlinson tip-toe move isn't going to help with this one.

But then, he realized he needed to keep his spine in natural alignment, how? By raising one of his legs as he moves paper grocery bags into the trunk of his vehicle.  Good for Jake, this helps the spine! #Yea

Pre and Post-Oscar partying.  Here was a pre-:

And then, allegedly the post-:

An announcement came on Feb. 18 that Jake would be appearing at another comic con:

and then back to New York City for street meandering and a guest appearance on Saturday Night Live with John Mulaney, who has helped re-introduce Jake to the public masses after his Fall/Holiday2019 and Winter2020 Gyllenichols Hiatus and subsequent Spring Break 2020.  


Voila!  He's officially back.

And Austin?  Well, presumably he's been playing golf (because he's been so obsessed about it), perhaps filming during last fall?

That above picture is from the filming of a movie called Masquerade, which was announced on December 10, via Austin on Twitter and the source, Deadline.


"Bella Thorne to Star in Home Invasion Thriller 'Masquerade' "- Deadline, December 10, 2019.


We hear that Bella Thorne is set to lead Masquerade, a home invasion thriller that Shane Dax Taylor will direct and write.


The project, which will shoot in Kentucky,  [edit] - Bella Thorne Set to Star

Austin tweeted about the project on the 10th of December and according to the Iowa City Press Citizen (yes, the Iowa City Press Citizen), filming was taking place beginning the very next day.  

Roadrunner fast?  That was our thought, too.  ;-)  


Some "here", some "there" since last early fall when both of these men closed up camp and disappeared.  Despite these prairie dog pop-ups, there were far more extended time periods when we saw or read nothing about Jake and/or Austin.  


When we do see them, it's with crazed looks in their eyes, unkempt beards and hair; perhaps it's to make folks wonder "Surely, these unstable looking men could not possibly be together?  Or fathers?"


Narnia doesn't ponder this too long.  The extended, Gyllenichols Family Hiatus of 2019/Winter2020 appears to be officially concluded.  Spring Break 2020 has been lived and let-lived, wherever they spent it - Narnia is laying odds that a body of water was somehow involved.  And now Jake is letting everyone know that he's returned home, er - overseas, in "preparation" for his upcoming summer stint of performing Sunday in the Park With George in London.  See how that worked?

This is where they are now.  While some of us remember Ted Casablanca saying that the Baby Tiles would be raised far away from Hollywood, did you know that Maggie herself laid several seeds back in 2010, speaking about the idea of moving to Paris, being drawn to living in the country ?  (That whole "Vermont farm" makes a nice cover, doesn't it, Big Sis?)  They likely knew even back in 2010, what the long range plan was going to be.  From Los Angeles to New York City, to eventually across the pond.  

As Jake now speaks more frequently of the United Kingdom than either LA or New York City,

• 'And he said, 'Why don’t I play like I’m from somewhere in Europe and I want to be from the Caribbean?'  - John Mulaney on Jake


• Even though Jake uses this moment in the interview to plug "Leo", notice at 05:32 how Jake seems ready to say something else about living in London, but instead says "New York City" and then tacks on about how it's a big city.  Then refers to NYC as "over there".  Here's Jake in his fuzzy, soft daddy sweater:

By the way, this is interesting.  In 2018, Jake was shown to be in New York City in September, "out and about" on the 15th.  On the 18th, he was allegedly at the annual Headstrong Gala in NYC for his longtime friend, Zach Iscol.  Baby Tile's birthday was sandwiched in between, on October 17.


Maggie was where, on October 18?  London.  Talking about her 40th birthday, which had happened back that previous November 2017 (almost a whole year earlier), while on the red carpet for Kindergarten Teacher.

Seems pretty easy to put together the logistics there, doesn't it? ;-) Big Sis had a cover for being in London for Baby Tile's birthday and she, Austin and likely Gamaw Foner would all help keep the household corralled while Jake left for New York City (if he left at all) to attend the Headstrong Gala. [I don't assume anything with regards to Jake attending an event unless it involves a live television broadcast.  Just about.  Because he and his team repeatedly use the same individuals for him to be seen with, those folks are compromised already.  They don't mind helping provide him cover.  These individuals include Gene Hong, Zach Iscol, Ben Stiller, speed dial beard Greta Caruso, Ashley Park, Marcus Mumford, Adam Levine, Amy Schumer, Chris Fisher, Claybourne Elder, and Tom Sturridge, just to name a few.]


"I eat Greggs, Greggs baguettes - that's what I eat when I'm in London," he (Jake) said.  "If it's sunny, I just find a green spot and sit.  That's what I do when I'm here." - Jake in 2018 during Southpaw promo


Back in 2013, this little (edited) twitter convo was happened upon between two accounts located in England:

😁 Gotta love those old, archival twitter gems, the kind that now get swept up by the Team Mara Swiffer before they have a chance to stick, right?  ;-)  Let's wrap up this section with a kibble from this fascinating article from w magazine, called "Rihanna and Jake Gyllenhaal Make a Pretty Strong Case for Moving to London" from June 23, 2019.


And why not settle across the pond?  It seems like it has worked out well for Jake Gyllenhaal, who spent roughly a year of his life in the city while filming Spiderman:  Far From Home with Tom Holland and Zendaya.  In fact, Gyllenhaal is set to return to the West End (for the first time in 18 years) with Annaleigh Ashford to lead Sunday in the Park With George on stage. - wmagazine.com


Here's Jake in Notting Hill picking up some sweets on Tuesday, March 3:

Whether they are setting up camp in the UK, or south of France, Canada, or elsewhere, Jake and Austin keep coming up with new ways of hiding their out-of-the-U.S. residence.  Never boring!

• Now, speaking of the UK, specifically London, there's another friend of Jake's who is looking more and more like she could be a member of the Gyllynicholsgaard Compound, twice removed.  


In December '19, Michelle Williams came forth to make a "Oh, by the way, guess what" announcement that she had gotten engaged AND pregnant.  

Michelle sure knows how to "drop" these life-changing events on the public, doesn't she? "  This recent oh-by-the-way announcement caught folks by surprise because it wasn't not all that long ago that Michelle was hooked up with someone else - someone by the name of Phil Elverum.  You could not blame anyone for not realizing they had missed a stop on the train.  Who was Phil Elverum, you ask?  Well, he's an indie singer-songwriter.

Not only hooked up, Michelle allegedly married this Phil Elverum in the summer of 2018.  Cheatsheet.com tells us about the only clue how Michelle and Phil Elverum even met, was via an Instagram by Michelle's bff Busy Phillips.   

That's Phil Elverum standing next to Busy, along with Busy's ne'er seen "husband", Marc Silverstein and her two girls, Birdie and Cricket.  Elverum was based out of Anacortes, Washington, but supposedly moved to New York City to begin his new life with Michelle and daughter Matilda.  Elverum had his own daughter Agathe from a previous marriage, one where he lost his wife of 13 years to cancer.  

At the time, Michelle said of Elverum:

"Obviously I've never once in my life talked about a relationship...but Phil isn't anyone else.  And that's worth something.  Ultimately the way he loves me is the way I want to live my life on the whole.  I work to be free inside of the moment.  I parent to let Matilda feel free to be herself, and I am finally loved by someone who makes me feel free."  And, "Don't settle.  Don't settle for something that feels like a prison, or is hard, or hurts you.  If it doesn't feel like love, it's not love." - Vanity Fair via Just Jared. 

By April 2019, less than a year later, Williams and Elverum were lightning bolt city, aka Done-zo.

So, let's take a closer look at this.  Williams "divorces" Elverum in April 2019.  She finished filming an 8-month shoot of Fosse/Verdon in March 2019, where Kail was the director.  That means it began filming in August 2018.  That means she had just barely gotten married to Elverum! 

And yet, a source via Just Jared said that Williams fell "fast and hard" for Kail.  smh.  By December, we're to believe she was feeling "freely loved" all over again, enough to sport a "baby bump", just in time for Hollywood award season.  Enough for a few award carpet appearances.  Enough for a "Tommy and Matilda, I can't wait to come home to you" line during her Golden Globes speech.   And now?  Donde esta Michelle???? And Thomas?? 

Well, Michelle had been over in London beginning in mid-November of last year for the start of Venom 2 filming with Tom Hardy.  Sometime in mid-February, filming moved to San Francisco.  This photo from the People exclusive "reveal" on Williams and Kail's "engagement" was supposed to show the "expectant couple" shopping for baby clothes over in London.

So, Michelle was over in London, UK for the end of the fourth quarter, which means Matilda would have been as well.  Which was likely where the Gyllynicholsgaards were camped out during their extended Fall/Winter2020 Hiatus.  That could have made for quite the Thanksgiving table, couldn't it?  Are there that many leaves for a table?  ;D  And then look at who was over in London with Birdie in earlier February?

This is interesting.  There are a couple of Six Degrees going on in this post.   The little girl is Cricket, Busy's youngest daughter.  In the post, Busy says that supposedly Cricket traveled with her 'daddy' to New York City, where they stayed while she and Birdie went on to London. (we guess it was to see them off at the airport? Remember that Busy and her family are supposed to live in Los Angeles.)  She also goes on to say that Cricket (age 6) wanted to see two shows while in the Big Apple (not Sesame Street Live! Or...ice skating...or Central Park...) - no, she wanted to see Beetlejuice on Broadway and American Utopia with David Byrne.

Busy informs everyone that Cricket became obsessed with the 67-year old David Byrne ever since his appearance on John Mulaney's The Sack Lunch Bunch, which just so happened to have a guest appearance by none other than one of our faves, Jake Gyllenhaal, as mentioned earlier in this post.  What a coincidence!

Not only that, but then Busy asks, "who helped get "little Cricket" the tickets to go see David Byrne's show?"  Busy's manager and friend - Carrie Byalick!  Carrie Byalick is Jake's former publicist.  Here he was in May 2010 with his former publicist:

Jake and Carrie Byalick in 2010

Then we found out that Byalick used to be Amy Schumer's publicist, but was then "fired" by Schumer after the comedienne "discovered" that Byalick used to date her merkin, I mean husband, Chris Fisher!  This topic was also discussed in a Musings post from last August, called "Sunday Musings: Don't Argue with Siri and PR Team Alpha-Bits".  And Fisher was Jake's longtime, childhood friend from his Martha Vineyard days.  The six degrees is head spinning at this point!

The point is that Jake's circle is quite small, partly due to the secrets that he is hiding, i.e. a husband and large family that they are raising together.  Sometimes members of his circle disappear for awhile, but amazingly crop up at some later point in time.  There was a point in time when Jake was seen frequently with Busy Phillips.

 

On Popsugar and IHJ, the pictures were titled "Jake and Busy", completely ignoring the fact that her husband Marc Silverstein was along as well.  That's him hidden behind Busy.  You have to wonder, don't you, whenever a spouse is relegated like that?  Not unlike the time Jake "stepped out" with Rooney Mara in a set of pictures and her (at the time) merkin, er - boyfriend Charlie McDowell was also along for the stroll, but wasn't included in most of the pictures nor was he mentioned either.

And of course, who could ever forget the infamous "Goodbye to LA" breakfast pictures from January 2012, right before Jake was shuttled off to New York City to "live".  This picture said it all - Jake was "sadly" bidding his farewell to one of his LA friends!

So Busy was there helping Jake and then disappeared from Jake's public circle ever since.  For the most part.  But what about what we don't see?


Jake is Matilda Ledger's godfather.  Busy is Matilda's godmother.  Did you know that Michelle Williams not only shares the same talent agency as Jake (WME Endeavor), but Mara Buxbaum has been Michelle's publicist since she was paired up with Heath Ledger in the Brokeback era.  Mara was also Heath's publicist. 

Translation:  Buxbaum was the publicist for both Michelle Williams and Heath Ledger at the time of Brokeback Mountain.

Here is an extremely rare photo of the three of them: Heath, Michelle and publicist Mara Buxbaum.  We would post it, but it's got Shuttlecock's watermark alllllll over it.  Interesting that it does, yes??

(And then when Jake switched over to WME, she became Jake's publicist, although now it looks like he's also covered by another member of Mara's company, ID).

This speaks volumes that Michelle and Heath shared a publicist.   When one sees the meme treatment that Jake receives on social media, the sexually graphic robot tweets, and the treatment that his real life husband receives by having Jake shipped as Tom Holland's husband instead, is it any surprise now to look back and see what happened to Heath's image as soon as he had passed away?  Is it any surprise to see how Heath continues to be used for publicity gains by Michelle, by Busy and by Jake?  Over and over and over again.

They're all tied together. 

Remember too that Busy likely made Baby Tile Hugo's birthday cake.

Narnia went into more detail on this cake and the monkeys, Leadville lovin' and Baby Tile Hugo in this post from August 2017 called Saturday's Child Works Hard for a Living.  That one was quite a dandy!  Don't try to go back and find Busy's Instagram post with the picture of the cake, it's long gone.  ;-)

Michelle and Busy go as far back as their days together on Dawson's Creek.  There are so many pictures of them, they're countless in number.  And they are frequent dates of each other on the carpets - those pictures are too numerous to count.  Busy even "traveled to" New York City to be with her bestie on the 10th anniversary of Heath's death and both ladies were on gossip posts showing everyone their mourning - ten years later.  

"Busy Phillips Flies to be with BFF Michelle Williams on Anniversary of Heath Ledger's Death" - People.com

From eonline:

Michelle and Jake's relationship dates back to the 2005's Brokeback Mountain, which they starred in together.  

Oh the secrets here in this picture:

And then lookee here - Austin and Busy!  Back in 2017, allegedly August 19.  Huh.  That would be Baby Hugo's birthday month, wouldn't it?  In fact, it was August 21st when Jake and Austin were spending some romantic "we" time (perhaps celebratory?) at Leadville, CO.  Let's see.  August 21...Busy and Austin supposedly sharing a sidewalk on the 19th.  Does this narrow down Baby Tile Hugo's birthday a wee bit, hmmmmmm??  ;-)   

Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle.  

 
Well, well, well....

LOL!!  Sorry for that one - could not resist that gif.  Gotta love it.

We'll continue watching this crazy game of Twister with the Gyllynicholsgaards and Philliams or...Bichelle...or whatever name would work.  Looks like that last little one that Jake and Austin had a few years ago will have a new friend coming soon that they can play with when their parents are in the same city.  Which could be more often than any of us thought.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

One last little correction on that term "spring break".  You know, in the UK, that holiday when schools close is not called Spring Break, but is called "half terms".  In 2020, the half term fell between Feb 17 through Feb 28.

Jake was busy being seen on the west coast during the first week of February.  Then that announcement about the Ace Con on Feb 18.  And then we had a break.

Until late February.

;-)

Well, that seems like a good note to go out on.  Remember George Costanza wanting to leave a room on a high note?

LOL - naw, let's leave with a new pic of Jake released today from an I Heart Jake set where supposedly he is "leaving a gym" in New York City.

Jake's got the sidewalk just about to himself, it looks like.  Stay safe, buddy.  Keep the hand sanitizer close by and feed the immune system!  Plus, he's limiting his animal and human contact.  No Leo the dog.   And no walking companions!

Narnia's going to take out a few quarters and play the Wurlitzer in honor of our two fellas - Jake and Austin.  Enjoy!

pic sources:  giphy, tenor, wifflegif, IHJ, Just Jared
our playlist - Have You Seen Her - The Chi-Lites      
                     One Monkey Don't Stop No Show - Honey Cone
                     Holiday - Madonna