The last time Narnia left our "Rained Upon" man Austin Nichols, he was lying low as the dump-ee, contract ink faded and dried, and his ex-beard cavorting around with a "Logan Paul". It happened that fast.
Given the complexity of Austin's personal situation, setting up contracts with new beards is not that easy, hence the dizzying coupling and re-coupling of Austin with Sophia Bush. Although they had never "dated" before the tabloid headlines that placed them together in August/September 2009, a story was distributed in May 2010 that explained for all us clueless dunderheads that even though no one knew about it, Sophia and Austin had apparently been dating on and off since 2006. Abracadabra! Just like that, a nine-month fauxmance was magically transformed into a four-year relationship right before our very eyes. The irrefutable proof provided was a classic photo from February 2006 of the happy couple strolling on the beach in Malibu. Not a care in the world.
Oops! The only problem was someone else was cropped out that day - a certain 'someone' walking to the right of Austin [see red arrow pointing to a second pair of shoes]. Gee, I wonder who was wearing those exact same shoes that day. Hmmmm.
Recycling requires much less time and effort, and we all know that management teams are not only lazy, but lack imagination when it comes to the closeting of their clients. Hence the introduction of what is known in the trade as the the on-again/off again, rinse/ repeat cycle of fauxmances. Jake himself has used this modus operandi with two of his beards thus far: Kirsten Dunst and Alyssa Miller. He, of course, never physically got "back together" publicly with either one of them, (that would require to much effort) but that's how the written media was scripted to portray the relationships. The primary goal being to prolong the het cred for as long as possible and with minimal of effort needed.
From Social Diary, July 22, 2005.
We reported a few columns ago that jake gyllenhaal and Kirsten Dunst have rekindled their romance. We had occasion to see just
how much their relationship is heating up when we ran into them shopping at
Yves Saint Laurent’s boutique in Beverly Hills. Jake looked every inch the
doting boyfriend as he waited patiently outside the changing room while Kirsten
tried on several outfits, one of which was a white YSL suit that was very much
like the one that Bianca Jagger wore a few decades ago at her wedding to Mick Jagger in Saint Tropez.
Someone snitched to one of the tabloid papers that Jake and Kirsten are week-ending in Martha’s Vineyard, quoting Kirsten as saying that she and Jake “are thrilled that they have holes in their schedules that will let them get away from it all.” Kirsten always talked about a romantic ceremony at the beach, so we wouldn’t be surprised if they planned a secret summer ceremony.
Someone snitched to one of the tabloid papers that Jake and Kirsten are week-ending in Martha’s Vineyard, quoting Kirsten as saying that she and Jake “are thrilled that they have holes in their schedules that will let them get away from it all.” Kirsten always talked about a romantic ceremony at the beach, so we wouldn’t be surprised if they planned a secret summer ceremony.
Recently, we have seen this pattern repeated with Louis Tomlinson who is so gay for Harry Styles, that his team had to strap him him down with a baby stunt, an ex-baby momma, and a 0-100 American girlfriend. But, once the latter's contract ended in mid-January of this year, the boomerang, bad penny appendage of Eleanor Calder was speenway resurrected, nearly two years after the "breakup" of their previous four-year pairing. Whew, it's truly hard to keep up with these stunts sometimes.
Insert gratuitous pic of Louis Tomlinson
With that backdrop, let's get back to the topic at hand, Austin Nichols and the recent breakup of his "nearly four-year" fauxmance with FauxChlo Bennet. Lightning bolt and all.
Let's face it, the breakup must be real if a yellow lightning bolt graphic is being publicly rolled out. Or, is it?
This "break up" was truly one for the books, if not at least entertaining like an over-acted soap opera. This was the pic that blow horned the end of Wangchols:
— Lydia · WHY DONT WE (@lyds_peyt_04) July 5, 2017
In case one can't tell what exactly is going on there, the huge red circles might be of some assistance. You could hear the gasps 'round the globe.
via GIPHY
Fast forward now to rumblings of new "bf" Logan Paul already "cheating" and the dancing around of are-they-even-an-official-couple or aren't-they, and within this short span of time, one can already see that "Chlogan" is a paper tugboat in the kiddie pool, capable of floating for a wee while or.....sinking.
Is it possible that "Chlogan" is providing Austin the needed time for him to jam "solo" in July? Only to eventually and no doubt "dramatically" disintegrate and send Chlo back to a conveniently awaiting Austin, oh say right around the start of the new school year or thereabouts? LOL!!
We won't be surprised if a contract renewal is in the works....
IN the meantime, Jake and Austin will continue their July hiatus sprinkled with a dose of mild bromance distraction. A live look at the Family Tile somewhere far, far away.....
*wink*
collaborated: M&M and Prairie Girl
pic sources: pinterest, Twitter, giphy, oh my godot, tumblr
our playlist: What Time Is It - cast of High School Musical 2
School's Out - Alice Cooper
Vacation - the Go-Go's
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