Tuesday, December 18, 2018

38 and Counting - It's Jake Gyllenhaal's Birthday Today




In 1980, the cost of a new house averaged $68,700.
The cost of a gallon of gas was $1.19.
The Rubik's Cube made its debut at a toy fair in London.
CNN began broadcasting on June 1.
Post-It Notes were introduced in stores on April 1.
The first fax machines and domestic camcorders were made
           available in Japan.

And one young man made his earthly debut in Los Angeles on a somewhat chilly, mostly cloudy day in December, the 19th to be exact.



Yup, there he is, the lil' rascal!

            

There he is again, little did we know what an exasperating lil' sh*t he was going to grow into, huh?  LOL!!!

No, no, no, no!!  This is a birthday post - just having some #38 birthday chuckles here.  Today, Jakers is king.  

It's his day.  And Narnia extends our heartiest best wishes, blows air kisses, bows and salutes, and celebrates this complicated, ornery, talented, reclusive, irrefutably spoiled, stubborn and devoted man.


Let's look at a few of our favorite Jake moments.
























;D








Hope it's a fun day for you, Jake.  All our best for many, happy returns.






 pic sources: OMG, Twitter, pinterest, Tumblr
our playlist:  Baby Boy - King and Country
                     Santa's Got Something for You - Todd Hirfindal
                     Merry Christmas Baby - George Thorogood
                     Christmas Morning (featuring Merle Dandridge) - 
                         from Monty Python's Spamalot on Broadway


Sunday, December 16, 2018

300th Episode Partying aka Get Out the Family Calendar



Well, when one has as large of a family ark as Jared Padalecki + real life partner Jensen Ackles have (or Jake Gyllenhaal + real life husband Austin Nichols), the coordination and sync'ing of calendars can get a bit tricky.  Birthdays, doctor and dentist wellness appointments, schoolwork, children activities and milestones, lost woobie blankets, loose tooth, trike-falling boo-boo's, wedding or commitment anniversaries, not to mention filming, conventions, bearding photo ops and other bearding/merkin/mearding commitments and contract fulfillments.


LOL!  Aka "behind the scenes" after these guys are away from the cameras.

Ahem.  Anyways....Narnia interrupts our own holiday hiatus to ask one question after observing the 300th episode hoopla (as we took a look at in "Two Strikes and You're Out With the Padackles Foursome" ).   First, let's take a quick look at how another show handled a milestone episode.

The Simpsons television show reached their 400th episode back in 2006 (production taking place between March and December of that year).  The episode did not air until the following year (their episodes are filmed a year in advance).   Here's creator Matt Groenig at the 400th episode block party held on May 11, just a little over a week before the airing on May 20.  The episode (again) had already been produced.



Fast forward to the show Supernatural, which holds its 300th episode celebration before the episode was even filmed, let alone aired.   


 


 

A milestone celebration filled with taunting and manipulation (withholding and delaying pictures of the two lead stars together), in addition to plenty of proactive mearding and predictable bearding.  When was that celebration held again?


 
Oh, that's right.  November 16.  But surely all of these antics could have been conducted just as easily closer to February 7 (when the episode is scheduled to actually air), couldn't they?  Of course they could.  So what was it about that time frame in mid-November where it was PR-approved that Jared and Jensen could be allowed to be at the same event, in the same town, but not in Austin, Texas?

Flash back to mid-November 2016, when Narnia speculated about another Go-Big-to-Hide-Big event  in "It Was the Biggest, Secondest Wedding of the Year".  For all that was detailed in that post, Narnia believes the twins were actually born sometime just prior to this big OTT, non-event which was preceded by a "turkey run" and other distractions. 

Fast forward two years later and a very quiet week leading up to the big and loud 300th celebration for an episode that hadn't even filmed yet.  So our question would be, why celebrate early?



Aaaah, indeed.  Hard not to question the apparent scheduling need, isn't it?  

As you were, men! 


pic sources:  giphy, Cozi Family Organizer, Getty Images
our playlist:  Good King Wenceslas -  La Donna and the City of 
                                Prague Orchestra
                     The Last Snowfall - Viena Teng  
                     I'll Be Home for Christmas - Frank Sinatra
                     When You Trim Your Christmas Tree - Les Brown
                                   and his orchestra

Saturday, December 8, 2018

Pop Culture InFANticide: Techniques and Temper Tantrums







If anyone was paying the least bit of attention on the Monday following Thanksgiving week, a real time pushback from TPTB occurred in a big way. Seemingly, from out of nowhere, Shawn Mendes began to trend with more than 50,000+ tweets after an intentionally provocative Rolling Stone article (a magazine that has long since joined the ranks of other complicit publications, including “insiders” such as Out Magazine, The Advocate, and Attitude) went viral and continued to trend for hours.



Using their long-established, and now more than mainstream, platform to distribute official narratives for the music industry, Rolling Stone joined the complicit media once again and jumped on the bandwagon to stop fans from trying to “impose a sexuality” on a popular artist. In this particular case, the brand known as Shawn Mendes was the spotlighted "victim". The message to the fans loud and clear:  just spend your money and let us shape the Mendes image as we see fit. Of course, these money grubbers don’t mean just "imposing" any sexual orientation on someone. After all, who cares if fans believe one of their more ambiguous clients is straight. No, these cyclical fan assaults just happen to repeatedly involve performers who are believed to be gay. Even more so if those performers fall into the male side of the human spectrum. 

And when those same individuals happen to be bound and gagged by NDAs, which means they really can’t speak for themselves, well it’s pretty obvious where this thought will lead. Right, Shawn? In fact, the very idea that the term “imposed” is used in the first place already gives an insight into what is at play here behind the scenes. Impose, force, inflict, intrude. Action words that suggest some kind of malevolent cosmic influence on the part of fandoms that simply defies reason. What is especially ironic is that all powerful management teams and record labels are the ones actually imposing a sexuality on their gay clients through the imposition of strict image rights clauses. A classic case of transference in the era of Donald Trump, which everyone should be more than familiar with by now.




The timing of this Shawn Mendes holiday “gift” package seems about right. With Grammy Awards season about to kick off with nominations being announced on December 7, what better way to remind everyone how straight Mr. Mendes is than with a splashy, revelatory statement on the cover of the Rolling Stone: "Confessions of a Neurotic Pop Star". 




Every five years or so there’s another PR crusade that emerges to protect one of the entertainment industry's rising young, usually male stars. One that is purposely designed to attack fans who think a celebrity might be gay. Back in 2012 that spotlight was harshly placed on One Direction, and their largely female fanbase. And the subsequent so-called Larrie derangement syndrome that emerged continues to result in all kinds of corporate excesses, abuses, and outrageous stunts that are still going strong to this very day. The hetero-based tabloid backstories behind Freddie Reign Tomlinson and Bear Payne are just two examples that come immediately to mind. 

But, with fans becoming more and more savvy with PR machinations, surrogacy births, fake pregnancy bumps, convenient "marriages" as well as with the growing acceptance of being out, record labels and management teams have had to devise more sophisticated tools of psychological warfare to control their clients.  Using sociological constructs and rhetorical manipulations to continue their imposition of the closet, while hiding behind non-disclosure agreements to prevent anyone from ever speaking the truth. Apparently, the new phraseology being used to explain away certain behaviors and visual markers is the expression, male femininity. A term that upon first blush sounds inclusively progressive and enlightened, but in reality is nothing more than another well-financed campaign to control the narrative about a celebrity’s sexuality. Nothing more, nothing less. Oh, and another surreptitious way of continuing to rake in those valuable gay dollars by not appearing to be homophobic.

Hmm. Shawn doesn't look too anxiety-ridden here, does he? Maybe his therapist was the standby photographer that day?

 Shawn Mendes, Colton Haynes, and Gus Kentworthy



In the Rolling Stone article Mendes, of course, denies the gay rumors right on cue, while adding a big fat guilt trip to ensure that everyone pay attention to the "harm" they are inflicting. Not surprisingly, whenever management teams are trying to control a fandom, the best thing to do, particularly if that fandom largely consists of females and gay supporters, is to blame the innocent for what is actually happening. In addition, TPTB need to make sure that the purveyor of the message is the much loved pop star himself. And this interview does not disappoint in either regard. 

We learn, for instance, that Mendes is now suffering from anxiety based on the devastating impact these gay rumors have had on him.  How the continuing speculation has made him obsessively regulate his own behavior (“maybe I am a little more feminine – but that’s the way it is”), and intensified an internalized homophobia. “In my heart I know that [being gay is] not a bad thing,” he says. “There’s still a piece of me that thinks that. And I hate that side of me. Adding the inevitable, see what you fans have done inference to demonstrate just how serious this all is. “You fucking guys are so lucky I’m not actually gay and terrified of coming out. That’s something that kills people.”


Bad fans. Bad fans. The guilt trip designed to silence. While also reminding fans, who is really in charge.  And let’s not forget that Shawn is not the first, nor the last, to be used against his fans in this way.  A little sampler just for fun.



There was the infamous “Louis Tomlinson” tweet from 2014. A prime example of why management teams make sure to control their clients’ social media accounts:




Then we have Adam Levine’s infamous, “Stop Thinking Jake Gyllenhaal Is Gay!” from his September 2010 Out magazine interview. Odd that this was the megaphone headline coming from an article that was supposed to be about Levine, but when you remember that Jake was about to enter into his most high-profile bearding arrangement with Taylor Swift one month later, the use of an LGBT fashion, entertainment, and lifestyle magazine to sell a timely narrative was not unexpected.  Particularly when, from beginning to end, the fauxmance did not last more than 48 days. That's right, only from October 23, 2010-December 9, 2010. The infamous "leave me alone" pic to demonstrate how hard it is to have a "real" relationship if you're Jake Gyllenhaal and Taylor Swift being the last instance when the two were seen together. Poor things. They couldn't even enjoy a leisurely drive around Beverly Hills without those nasty paparazzi chasing them down. The "chase" was so intense and dangerous that poor Jakers had to put in a call to the police!!! The tabloid story that followed then spoonfed us the tall tale that the LAPD came to the rescue by sending out ground support, and dispatching a HELICOPTER to watch over the two in their Audi Q7.  LOL! And management has the audacity to suggest that fans are delusional. 





I guess no aircraft escort was needed below. But the bromantic photo op was necessary to support the subsequent Out magazine article published in September 2010 that assured us that these two really did socialize with one another. Remember, these stunts are planned months in advance to make them look as organic as possible.


 Two straight bros just partying into the night, June 2010


Q: You’ve also gotten a lot of attention for hanging out with Jake Gyllenhaal.
Will everyone stop thinking that dude is gay? Seriously guys. How immature is it of the media to perceive this guy — it has to be because of Brokeback, right? I’ve known this dude forever. He’s one of my oldest friends, and it’s very weird that they have this — it’s very immature and infantile the way they treat his whole situation. If him hanging out with his bros means he’s gay, it’s like further perpetuating that weird homophobia that exists in our culture, which is just stupid. So, yeah, he’s my buddy. I fuckin’ love the guy. 


And one month after the Out magazine story, here comes Swift's Holiday Bearding Period. Thanksgiving with Jake Gyllenhaal in 2010 and Christmas and New Year's Eve with Harry Styles in 2012-13. All perfectly...well...staged.

Let's bring in the Gyllenhaal clan right away to "prove" how Swift just might be "The One".


The same "Maybe she's 'The One'" playbook used again when Taylor Swift flew to Holmes Chapel to "meet" Harry's family in December 2012.  

Harry really dressed up for this photo op in Cheshire, England - December 2012

Another fun parallel between Jake and Harry's fauxmances with Taylor Swift was that they supposedly both went public after being "seen" at a TV show (Saturday Night Live for Jake and X-Factor for Harry) and then they both "broke up" on January 4 and January 7 respectively. 



While we are on the topic of fandom bashing, let’s not forget Renée Zellweger’s lament about her split from ex-husband Kenny Chesney in The Advocate published in 2016. The bemoaning happened eleven years after her fraud charge against Chesney was used as the grounds for her divorce. Because, as we all know, being called gay is just cruel and happily married women always charge their "husband" with fraud after nine months of marital bliss. **dusts off hands**  Nothing to see here, folks.  Next!
 
Another off the beaten path nuptial in the U.S. Virgin Islands

 Wedding Day photo, the happy coupled "eloped" to St. John, May 9, 2005
[The groom really dressed up for the affair.]

"I forgot about that. It’s a pretty big thing to forget, isn’t it? That made me sad,” she told the outlet. “It made me sad that somehow people were using that as a way to be cruel and calling someone gay as a pejorative, which has fateful consequences. Of course, there’s the bigger-picture problem of why anyone had to make up a story at all.”


Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles provided another example using the author and closet facilitator, S.E. Hinton, to do their twitter dirty work. Once again, underscoring the no gay here assertion…combined with those nasty fans are just soooo mean scenario. Gasp! How could anyone imagine these two fine upstanding young men being together as a couple.



  



 

Yes, Ms. Hinton. Something makes me want to hurl alright. But, it's definitely not the thought of Jensen and Jared being in a relationship.



The British gay publication Attitude did the same finger wagging in October 2015 with Liam Payne™. I'm sure Management stayed up all night coming up with this fan assault. Let’s see, this must have been the 1,899th instance of someone going "on the record" as proof that Louis and Harry are not together. There’s an obsession alright. But it doesn't seem to be coming from the fandom side of the house.





                                     Liam and Harry just being buds


“When the law changed in the U.S., there were loads of rainbow flags flying at our shows, but I think that was mainly because people think of the Louis and Harry thing [that they’re secret lovers], which is absolutely nuts and drives me insane. Why does it drive you insane? Jealous much? No, nothing like that. It’s like when you know the ins and outs of what is going on with people it’s just annoying when it’s so stupid. It becomes like a conspiracy or like a cult, the people who watch them and think that every move they make is a gesture toward them being together, and I know it’s just not true and it makes me mad.



You hear that, everyone?  Sony/Syco wants those troublesome fans to know that Liam Payne is mad. And, the idea that Louis and Harry are together is absolutely nuts. A diabolical plot to subvert two innocent young men who are obviously straight and are each others mortal enemies. Am I right guys?





 Louis and Harry, EXTRA interview, December 2015



Addendum:  Shawn Mendes received the first Grammy nominations of his career on December 7, 2018.  Song of the Year for "In My Blood," and best Pop Vocal Album. Since voting closed on October 31, that Rolling Stone "...lucky I’m not actually gay and terrified of coming out" article was well-timed, don't you think?



Pics: giphy, Rolling Stone, BBC Radio 1, Iheartjakemedia, Stephen Colbert Show, US Magazine, XPUSJFX, Tenor gifs
Playlist:  Shut Up and Dance with Me - Walk the Moon 
               Christmas Wrapping - The Waitresses
               Step Into Christmas - Elton John