Saturday, November 27, 2021

48 Days: What Longtime Fans of Jake Gyllenhaal Know All Two Well

Pertaining to and addressing the following:

* Tay Swift's lyrics

* The first AND second release of All Too Well

* Twitter and Instagram reaction to previously stated

* Gossip sites, press, talk show hosts, comedians, verified accounts and other assorted bandwagon'ers "joining in" to previously stated 

 

 

 48 Days.

Or 6.8 weeks.

Or 1.5 months

1152 hours.

Or 69,120 minutes.

THAT's how long the fauxmance between  Jake Gyllenhaal and singer Taylor Swift carried on. 

Not three months.

 


 


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

These two fans can't decide how long ago, 10 years ago or 11 years ago. 

 


 

THIS fan thinks (after studying lyrics) it's possible they dated for eight months.

 

 
 
 
As Jake once said to a fan back in the day, "No, no, no, no, no!" 
 
There are many reasons Taylor Swift is re-releasing her stunt albums about PR relationships again. Sure she has the principled cover story of trying to reclaim her music, after being done wrong by Scooter Braun. *rolls eyes*  But, all one has to do is look at how carefully crafted this rollout has been, with social media trends, celebrities and "news" outlets (we see you CNN), to see that she is doubling down on the fakery in an effort to convince a whole new generation about her victimhood. 
 
After all, "The bigger the lie, the more it will be believed." - Joseph Goebbels
 
Add in the high profile SNL performance of her 10-minute "version of events", rewritten eleven years later, and one can easily see that this is an elaborate PR-Reboot of a publicity stunt that ironically, back in the day, failed bigly.  Look even closer and rewriting history doesn't even begin to capture what is going on here with relation to the closet. Not only does she get to beard without the risk and messiness of actually having to date anyone (the "I 💓 T.S." wifebeater t-shirt debacle with Tom Hiddleston, anyone?) but Jake gets the benefit of being aligned with a female, without even having to lift a finger (even if it is a retread).
  
Remember, just like Hiddleston, Jake took a huge blow to his career back in 2010 because of this 48-day pairing. Back then, there were Jake Gyllenhaal gay blogs like Oh My Godot, plus Waiting for Toothy 2, and chat site DataLounge writing in real time about all the fakery and mistakes being made.
 
Yet, even now, there's no push back from the Gyllenhaal camp regarding any of this nonsense. Not a peep, in fact. The easily duped argue it's because he's ashamed of what he did to poor Taylor. Those who are well-informed know it's part of the contract.  Part of the deal. She gets publicity to sell more records while Jake gets publicity as a heartless cad who took her virginity and then dumped her. The best het cover ever!
 
At the time when the fauxmance was first revealed on October 23/24, 2010 (Taylor Swift and Jake hit their spots by showing up at an SNL after-party), Jake was the laughing stock of the Internet.  Articles and bloggers made fun of the story line and how the timing was pitch perfect to sell her third album (Speak Now, released October 25, 2010) as well as to promote Jake's movie, Love and Other Drugs, (released November 24, 2010).  Michael K. who ran one of the most hilarious and perceptive gay blogs at the time (Dlisted), probably summed it up best:
 
To me, Jakey Gyllenhaal is a wholesome 14-year-old white country girl on the inside and a fragile Brawny man on the outside, so this pairing really isn't pulling a WTF out of me. Can't you just picture Jakey and Taylor Swift skipping hand-in-hand down a dirt country road while whistling the melody to some Disney song and waving at the birds in the trees and shit. Then Taylor pulls out her ukulele (or whatever the hell she carries around) and serenades Jakey with a song about how a rainbow is just a black cloud's smile while he twirls around the strawberry patch like the precious ballerina princess he is. They are like every montage from every G-rated romantic comedy or animated film. 
 
Both Lainey Gossip and Life & Style's Scene Queens are saying that 20-year-old Taylor and 29-year-old Jakey have been spending a little time together. Lainey says that Taylor brought Jakey to the SNL after-party to hang out with her friend Emma Stone. And a source tells Life & Style that Jakey and Taylor were holding hands while struttin' their asses around Park Slope in Brooklyn yesterday afternoon. 
 
And I bet they were giggling. Taylor Swift's natural squint is due to her foolish ass giggling all the time! They don't even talk, they just giggle and peck at each other's cheeks. Like I'm sure they even held hands and giggled in front of their lawyers at the contract signing for their new relationship. - [the link for this DListed post has the dreaded "404" message, but you can see the original link here in this Facebook post]
 
 

 
 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Boom!

And why stop there?  Ted's post is still online, let's see what Ted Casablanca was smirking about, saying at the time:

It's a good thing Taylor Swift and Jake Gyllenhaal's relaysh is about as hot and steamy as a long-chilled latté (ya know, like the ones from his coffee dates with Reese Witherspoon, duh!) or they'd risk melting all the frozen treats they're so happily licking up together.

Oh, you hadn't heard about their romantic weekend away? Get ready to say "awww"! Or puke...

The whirlwind romance that seems to have come right out of a fairy tale sparked up last week in NYC, and the Gyllenswift train has shown no signs of stopping. First it was all backstage canoodling and apple picking, but things have quickly heated up to...

Ice cream dates!

If this pace keeps up, we'll be going on Pottery Barn outings before you know it! Slow down, you crazy kids, we're not ready to make that sort of commitment yet!

Following a romantic weekend at the posh Post Ranch Inn in Big Sur, Calif., the twosome were spotted at McConnell's Ice Cream Parlor in Santa Barbara.

"They came in [Monday]," says an employee of McConnell's Ice Cream. "There were young customers in here, and our girls who worked here are young and they recognized them right away. Everyone was excited and asked to take pictures with them, which they obliged to do."

Trust, we didn't expect the newest It couple to protest being recognized too much—especially when Us Weekly reports Tay couldn't keep her trap shut, laughing at everything oh-so-hilarious Jake said. Plus a little hand-holding is always a good test of the gag reflex.

The employee says the famous duo seemed like they were in a great mood...except for the fact that they couldn't make up their minds as to what type of ice cream to order. Can you handle this much drama?

"[Taylor] got a suggestion from one of our workers; she ordered chocolate burnt almond, and he got custard vanilla yogurt. They were very nice and seemed comfortable around each other," adds the worker bee.

"They weren't lovey-dovey though."

OK, now we are kind of surprised.

Source:  E-Online, “Jake Gyllenhaal and Taylor Swift:  The Couple That Licks Together Sticks Together”,  November 03, 2010

 

Let's throw in the ol' staged pap walk to push the idea that Swift had already met Jake's family at Thanksgiving and the classic ramping-up right before the crash and burn was inevitable.  Then again, these were the days when Jake's escapades were being scrutinized by sentient beings:

Jake Gyllenhaal and Taylor Swift - Thanksgiving November 25, 2010


Maggie Gyllenhaal, Ramona and Taylor Swift  - Thanksgiving, November 25, 2010

At the time, people noticed how this was a "set" design. Given that both pics were "taken" in front of the same backdrop.  LOL!  The leaves gave it away. Tsk, tsk.  Imagine having to work on Thanksgiving to sell your bearding contract.







With so much push back from the public, calling these two out on their nonsense, the countdown began for the breakup.  Fourteen days later, on December 9, 2010 (the last time these two were seen together), the final dramatic scene was shot, and X-17 Online got the scoop.


 

Narnia will spare our readers and refrain ourselves from posting all 14 paparazzi clicks of the camera, but we had to share a few for the entertainment value. Hey, if we have to suffer through this dumpster fire again, so do the rest of you!

Setting the scene - Just a leisurely drive

\

Story unfolds:  Taylor sees the paps and calls the cops   





Jake lets the paps know they are calling the cops



Jake angry

And, SCENE!

Such star-crossed "lovers" with a farcical relationship doomed to fail. *sniff*

Oh, and there were some other stories about Jake giving her an $11,000 guitar for her birthday which kept the lie going for another 27 days, but Jake made sure when that contract was signed, that he would be able to spend his birthday and the holidays with his real husband and children. In the meantime, Swift used the rest of the month to keep the fake relationship on fumes. That is until the agreed upon official termination date of January 5, 2011.

 

 

 

 

At least, Us Weekly was closer to the truth with their two-month fauxmance chronology.  



 

All this drama and victimhood for what?  For 48 days of fanfic. Let's face it. Either Taylor Swift is a loon (and the jury is still out on that), or she's a beard, one that counts on the complicity of the media and the Entertainment Industry's homophobia to keep gay men in the closet by providing content via songs, TV shows [we're looking at you, Happy Together and HBO's, Euphoria], and now Swift's 10-minute "All Too Well" short film, to generate more profits. It's literally an essential component of her Business Plan. Social media always at the ready to keep the unsuspecting masses in line through confusion, lies, chaos, shifting timelines, and celebrity enablers.

 

 
 
 
And, just for those more visual, here's an October - December 2010 calendar. No abacus needed.
 

 
 

 


pic sources: Just Jared, X-17 Online, YouTube, giphy, Us Weekly, DListed.com, Twitter

our playlist: Do You Hear What I Hear - Spiraling

                    Christmas Wrapping - The Waitresses

                    Happy Christmas - Rebecca St James



5 comments:

prairiegirl said...

Thanks for writing this, M&M.

I've already tweeted my mind about this juggernaut of a publicity stunt, but this really needed to be put down in a more archival manner.

Just tonight, I was going back and re-reading a couple of days' post threads from Oh My Godot around the time that the rumors were swirling about these two and the lack of seriousness that the whole nonsense was being written with, was uniform. Jake lost many, many, many fans over this because it was so ridiculous. It really was a joke.

But now, all these years later, here she goes again, dredging it up and well, she had her publicity machine making sure that the media was going to fall into step this time around. No more Ted, no more Michael K. See? PR and talent agencies took care of those kinds of writers.

You don't need to look any further to see that Michael K is gone from DListed. Look at this bunch of literal garbage that someone named "Mieka" wrote, a far cry from the talent and frank, no-holds-barred writing of Michael K's. I really don't think Michael K is not at DListed anymore, I don't care if they do write his name sometimes on the articles.

Aaah Michael K, wherefore thou wenst

THAT was pathetic.

But anyway, like I was saying, all these years later, those kinds of writers are gone. And who's left? All of the bought-off media who write what they're told to write.

Remember the reveal about NFL writer Adam Schefter and his discovered email to a former president of the Washington Football Team asking if his story was okay.

“Please let me know if you see anything that should be added, changed, tweaked."

If that's the NFL, then you can bet the entertainment industry is the same way.

Methodical Muser said...

I really don't think Michael K is not at DListed anymore, I don't care if they do write his name sometimes on the articles.

I believe PG meant to write, I really think that Michael K is not at Dlisted anymore...

And, I agree completely. Michael K's uproarious snark was his stock in trade. He was openly gay and knew the Hollywood Closet inside and out. No one like him, really. Especially, when it came to writing about the real Jake Gyllenhaal.

prairiegirl said...

Oops, typing too fast! You're correct, M&M. I think Michael K has been gone from DListed for awhile now.

Methodical Muser said...

And for those who try to add time onto the Swyll "relationship" by speculating that Jake and Swifty were spending time together prior to their October 23 debut in NY, that would be wrong too. Swift was being coupled up with Toby Hemingway - Black Swan- (who also has lots of gay/bisexual rumors) throughout the summer of 2010. Apparently, Hemingway did a music video ("Mine") with her and several rumors circulated that they were an item from July-September 2010. When that video was released in late August, the rumors began to wane and then completely stopped by mid-September.

Interestingly enough, Jake was also being paired up with Rachel Bilson (via Internet rumors) from late August until mid-September and then those stories suddenly stopped, as well. What's even more smirk-producing was apparently Swift was in Paris and Milan for the Cavalli fashion show and guess who she was pictured with at that time? That's right, Rachel Bilson! Accompanied by her brother, Swift then gave a live performance in Paris on October 18th. After that, she then flew to London and was interviewed on October 22, appearing on Paul O'Grady Live in London. All the while Jake was in NY beginning his media tour for Love and Other Drugs.

Soooo, when exactly did Jake supposedly meet Taylor Swift? Oh, yeah. October 23, 2010 just in time for their apple picking "date" and the SNL after-party stunt. How fortunate, they could fit each other in long enough to start that torrid "love" affair. Right. On. Cue.

prairiegirl said...

Something's wrong with stupid Blogger. I tried to change the closet picture and instead it won't take anything.

So anyway, sorry for the plain header - it looks just plain boring, doesn't it? I'm going to see if Blogger Help can....help. Hopefully they don't tell me to turn the laptop off and then turn it back on, lol.