Pertaining to and addressing the following:
* Tay Swift's lyrics
* The first AND second release of All Too Well
* Twitter and Instagram reaction to previously stated
* Gossip sites, press, talk show hosts, comedians, verified accounts and other assorted bandwagon'ers "joining in" to previously stated
48 Days.
Or 6.8 weeks.
Or 1.5 months
1152 hours.
Or 69,120 minutes.
THAT's how long the fauxmance between Jake Gyllenhaal and singer Taylor Swift carried on.
Not three months.
These two fans can't decide how long ago, 10 years ago or 11 years ago.
THIS fan thinks (after studying lyrics) it's possible they dated for eight months.
It's a good thing Taylor Swift and Jake Gyllenhaal's relaysh is about as hot and steamy as a long-chilled latté (ya know, like the ones from his coffee dates with Reese Witherspoon, duh!) or they'd risk melting all the frozen treats they're so happily licking up together.
Oh, you hadn't heard about their romantic weekend away? Get ready to say "awww"! Or puke...
The whirlwind romance that seems to have come right out of a fairy tale sparked up last week in NYC, and the Gyllenswift train has shown no signs of stopping. First it was all backstage canoodling and apple picking, but things have quickly heated up to...
Ice cream dates!
If this pace keeps up, we'll be going on Pottery Barn outings before you know it! Slow down, you crazy kids, we're not ready to make that sort of commitment yet!
Following a romantic weekend at the posh Post Ranch Inn in Big Sur, Calif., the twosome were spotted at McConnell's Ice Cream Parlor in Santa Barbara.
"They came in [Monday]," says an employee of McConnell's Ice Cream. "There were young customers in here, and our girls who worked here are young and they recognized them right away. Everyone was excited and asked to take pictures with them, which they obliged to do."
Trust, we didn't expect the newest It couple to protest being recognized too much—especially when Us Weekly reports Tay couldn't keep her trap shut, laughing at everything oh-so-hilarious Jake said. Plus a little hand-holding is always a good test of the gag reflex.
The employee says the famous duo seemed like they were in a great mood...except for the fact that they couldn't make up their minds as to what type of ice cream to order. Can you handle this much drama?
"[Taylor] got a suggestion from one of our workers; she ordered chocolate burnt almond, and he got custard vanilla yogurt. They were very nice and seemed comfortable around each other," adds the worker bee.
"They weren't lovey-dovey though."
OK, now we are kind of surprised.
Let's throw in the ol' staged pap walk to push the idea that Swift had already met Jake's family at Thanksgiving and the classic ramping-up right before the crash and burn was inevitable. Then again, these were the days when Jake's escapades were being scrutinized by sentient beings:
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| Jake Gyllenhaal and Taylor Swift - Thanksgiving November 25, 2010 |
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| Maggie Gyllenhaal, Ramona and Taylor Swift - Thanksgiving, November 25, 2010 |
At the time, people noticed how this was a "set" design. Given that both pics were "taken" in front of the same backdrop. LOL! The leaves gave it away. Tsk, tsk. Imagine having to work on Thanksgiving to sell your bearding contract.
With so much push back from the public, calling these two out on their nonsense, the countdown began for the breakup. Fourteen days later, on December 9, 2010 (the last time these two were seen together), the final dramatic scene was shot, and X-17 Online got the scoop.
Narnia will spare our readers and refrain ourselves from posting all 14 paparazzi clicks of the camera, but we had to share a few for the entertainment value. Hey, if we have to suffer through this dumpster fire again, so do the rest of you!
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| Setting the scene - Just a leisurely drive |
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| Story unfolds: Taylor sees the paps and calls the cops |
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| Jake lets the paps know they are calling the cops |
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| Jake angry |
And, SCENE!
Such star-crossed "lovers" with a farcical relationship doomed to fail. *sniff*
Oh, and there were some other stories about Jake giving her an $11,000 guitar for her birthday which kept the lie going for another 27 days, but Jake made sure when that contract was signed, that he would be able to spend his birthday and the holidays with his real husband and children. In the meantime, Swift used the rest of the month to keep the fake relationship on fumes. That is until the agreed upon official termination date of January 5, 2011.
At least, Us Weekly was closer to the truth with their two-month fauxmance chronology.
All this drama and victimhood for what? For 48 days of fanfic. Let's face it. Either Taylor Swift is a loon (and the jury is still out on that), or she's a beard, one that counts on the complicity of the media and the Entertainment Industry's homophobia to keep gay men in the closet by providing content via songs, TV shows [we're looking at you, Happy Together and HBO's, Euphoria], and now Swift's 10-minute "All Too Well" short film, to generate more profits. It's literally an essential component of her Business Plan. Social media always at the ready to keep the unsuspecting masses in line through confusion, lies, chaos, shifting timelines, and celebrity enablers.
pic sources: Just Jared, X-17 Online, YouTube, giphy, Us Weekly, DListed.com, Twitter
our playlist: Do You Hear What I Hear - Spiraling
Christmas Wrapping - The Waitresses
Happy Christmas - Rebecca St James
5 comments:
Thanks for writing this, M&M.
I've already tweeted my mind about this juggernaut of a publicity stunt, but this really needed to be put down in a more archival manner.
Just tonight, I was going back and re-reading a couple of days' post threads from Oh My Godot around the time that the rumors were swirling about these two and the lack of seriousness that the whole nonsense was being written with, was uniform. Jake lost many, many, many fans over this because it was so ridiculous. It really was a joke.
But now, all these years later, here she goes again, dredging it up and well, she had her publicity machine making sure that the media was going to fall into step this time around. No more Ted, no more Michael K. See? PR and talent agencies took care of those kinds of writers.
You don't need to look any further to see that Michael K is gone from DListed. Look at this bunch of literal garbage that someone named "Mieka" wrote, a far cry from the talent and frank, no-holds-barred writing of Michael K's. I really don't think Michael K is not at DListed anymore, I don't care if they do write his name sometimes on the articles.
Aaah Michael K, wherefore thou wenst
THAT was pathetic.
But anyway, like I was saying, all these years later, those kinds of writers are gone. And who's left? All of the bought-off media who write what they're told to write.
Remember the reveal about NFL writer Adam Schefter and his discovered email to a former president of the Washington Football Team asking if his story was okay.
“Please let me know if you see anything that should be added, changed, tweaked."
If that's the NFL, then you can bet the entertainment industry is the same way.
I really don't think Michael K is not at DListed anymore, I don't care if they do write his name sometimes on the articles.
I believe PG meant to write, I really think that Michael K is not at Dlisted anymore...
And, I agree completely. Michael K's uproarious snark was his stock in trade. He was openly gay and knew the Hollywood Closet inside and out. No one like him, really. Especially, when it came to writing about the real Jake Gyllenhaal.
Oops, typing too fast! You're correct, M&M. I think Michael K has been gone from DListed for awhile now.
And for those who try to add time onto the Swyll "relationship" by speculating that Jake and Swifty were spending time together prior to their October 23 debut in NY, that would be wrong too. Swift was being coupled up with Toby Hemingway - Black Swan- (who also has lots of gay/bisexual rumors) throughout the summer of 2010. Apparently, Hemingway did a music video ("Mine") with her and several rumors circulated that they were an item from July-September 2010. When that video was released in late August, the rumors began to wane and then completely stopped by mid-September.
Interestingly enough, Jake was also being paired up with Rachel Bilson (via Internet rumors) from late August until mid-September and then those stories suddenly stopped, as well. What's even more smirk-producing was apparently Swift was in Paris and Milan for the Cavalli fashion show and guess who she was pictured with at that time? That's right, Rachel Bilson! Accompanied by her brother, Swift then gave a live performance in Paris on October 18th. After that, she then flew to London and was interviewed on October 22, appearing on Paul O'Grady Live in London. All the while Jake was in NY beginning his media tour for Love and Other Drugs.
Soooo, when exactly did Jake supposedly meet Taylor Swift? Oh, yeah. October 23, 2010 just in time for their apple picking "date" and the SNL after-party stunt. How fortunate, they could fit each other in long enough to start that torrid "love" affair. Right. On. Cue.
Something's wrong with stupid Blogger. I tried to change the closet picture and instead it won't take anything.
So anyway, sorry for the plain header - it looks just plain boring, doesn't it? I'm going to see if Blogger Help can....help. Hopefully they don't tell me to turn the laptop off and then turn it back on, lol.
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