Subtext and Hidden Meaning: Closeted Story Telling and Jake Gyllenhaal's Sasquatch Parable - Part 2

Author Note - PLEASE CLICK HERE FOR PART 1

There are two similarities between Jake's 2016 version of events and his earlier rendition. Jake does talk about the Pittsburgh Steelers and he does introduce the audience to a friend called Sasquatch.   But that's where the resemblance ends.

December 3, 2009:

[Just came from Pittsburgh where he was filming LaOD]
JK:  Have you gone to the Steelers game there?
JG:  I have.  Two Steelers' games.  I'm a big Steelers fan now.
JK:  People go nuts for the Steelers in Pittsburgh.
JG:  I actually wasn't a big Steelers' fan until I, I, I wasn't a big Steelers fan until when I arrived, there's a tram that takes you from the gate to the baggage claim and when I looked down on the tram, there was this woman who had two Steelers tattoos on either ankle.  When I first arrived.  And, I realized like I couldn't be a Patriots fan.
JK:  No.
JG:  So for my three months I was there I was a Steelers fan.  And I really wasn't anything but a Steelers fan.
JK:  You got caught up in the excitement.
JG:  I did yeah.  It was pretty, pretty extraordinary.
JK:  And, when you go to the game can you move about the game in a relaxed manner?
JG:  What do you mean?
JK: I mean do people like swarm you because you're a star?  I mean you know...
JG:  Well, when I'm naked with a merkin like [referring to his earlier comments] people tend to stay away from me...[audience laughs].
JK:  You're a method actor, you're really taking this naked thing to the wall.
JG:  No, I went to this game with a friend of mine who happens to be like 6'8".  We were there.  He wasn't actually a big Steelers fan, but we went there and he wanted to go to Primanti Bros.  You know what Primanti Bros. is?
JK:  Yeah, 'sammitches' as it's properly pronounced there.
JG:  Heart attack sandwiches. 
JK:  That's a great sandwich.  Describe what's in a Primanti sandwich.
JG:  Primanti Bros sandwiches, two pieces of white bread, thick pieces of white bread and then kielbasa and then you got like your french fries and then you got your cole slaw, I'm not really sure if that's fried or not.  And then you have your lettuce and tomato or whatever.
JK:  You can choose your meat.
JG:  Yeah, you can choose your meat.  So you know Primanti?  [Jake looks at audience]  You know Primanti Bros?  It's fantastic.
JK:  So you went to the restaurant?  Or they have it at the game?
JG:  They have it at the game.  At the Steelers game.  So we decided to go at the end of the first quarter because he wasn't that into the game.   And we got up and there was like a couple next to us and they started following us.  And I thought, "Oh, we'll lose them and then I realized I was literally with Sasquatch so like we couldn't lose them.  It was like a lighthouse.  It was like Sacagawea and Sasquatch.  Like walking through the Steelers game.  We got to the Primanti Bros and and sure enough this couple follows and this woman turns to me she had a few too many and she was, you know, tailgating a bit too long, and she turns to me and says [Jake imitating an inebriated woman]  "I, I just wanted you to have this towel.  [He tells Kimmel that the Steelers have these Terrible Towels]  and she says, "I haven't washed it for 25 years.  And, I swear it's my favorite thing, but I wanted to give it to you.  I'm a huge fan of Bubble Boy."
[audience laughs]  Jake goes off about how dirty the towel is.  How it's encrusted with placenta...
JG:  So I handed the towel over to Sasquatch and very politely he puts it in his pocket because he's focused on Primanti Bros.  He got his sandwiches.  They left us alone.  We walked back to our seats.   Sure enough we ate them.  And I was finishing mine.  I looked over at him and he was wiping his mouth with the towel.  I  let out this sort of yelp, sort of like a woman [Jake imitates high pitched sound of a woman].  I don't remember much that happened after that moment but when I woke up the next morning, I had this thing.  [Jake stands up, turns around and shows the audience a Pittsburgh Steelers fake tattoo on his back.]
JK:  You really did get the fever, didn't you?
JG:  Tom Brady will never forgive me for that.  So now I'm a Steelers fan through and through.

Seems like Jake's memory about Sasquatch is bit off of home plate.  Or as Harry Doyle would say,

One would be hard pressed to find the actual video of the 2009 Jake visit to the Jimmy Kimmel show, except for this location on "I Heart Jake Videos".  This is not the normal IHJ main page, however.  The video is no longer available on sites such as You Tube, Oh No They Didn't, and Jake blogs such as Weirdland Jake Gyllenhaal Blogspot, and Wet Dark and Wild.  But here are links to Part 1 and 2:

Jake Gyllenhaal visit to Jimmy Kimmel 2009 Pt 1 and 2 

Knowing what we know now, that Jake and Austin were together as a couple and family unit in 2009 and that Austin's height is listed as at least being 6'3", not to mention Austin's shoe size certainly hasn't altered from

and that somewhere along the way, Austin gained a Pittsburgh Pirates hat,

and let's not forget the seven (7) posts by the premiere Jake and Austin Blog Administrator, Special K on "Oh My Godot" where Sasquatch was discussed with positive statements such as "Wild man huh...maybe that's the real reason Jake calls him Sasquatch."  For the Jaustin knowledgeable, it has been long concluded (as Special wrote), that Austin Nichols is...Sasquatch. And, if Austin is Sasquatch, then it makes sense that Jake referred to himself as the Shoshone princess, Sacagawea - gender bending at its most endearing.

 What is most striking about the difference between the Jimmy Kimmel 2009 interview and the 2016 "sequel" is how Sasquatch changed from a quaint and delightfully quirky Primanti Sandwich eating, Terrible Towel mouth-wiping companion at a Pittsburg Steelers game to a harebrained imaginary friend who pops up on subway trains as a sports-related apparition.

With Nocturnal Animals soon to be released, yet barely mentioned in the Jimmy Kimmel interview, it is eyebrow raising that the Sasquatch story proved to be the focal point of Jake's visit.  GQ was even used to tweet the following to raise the visibility of Jake's nonsensical rant:

So, Jake Gyllenhaal seems to have an imaginary friend https://t.co/mobd3mLNiX pic.twitter.com/gFwM9tRo1F

— GQ Magazine (@GQMagazine) November 3, 2016

 

And when you watch the video, the explanation for the identity of Sasquatch somehow morphs into a story about being mistaken for Aaron Rodgers, a subject which has been tweeted about routinely for the past several years, but still has no relationship to the original Sasquatch of 2009.  

Jake Gyllenhaal Mistaken for Aaron Rodgers - https://t.co/RQUiH4kZUa pic.twitter.com/n1vpgmjuAh

— Vidmebuzz (@vidmebuzz) November 2, 2016

There is no doubt that WME has been heavily closeting Jake since 2012.  As part of this damage control, the agency has attempted to revamp Jake's internet search for years, with the main goal of burying Austin Nichols as much as possible.  Given that Jake's revisionist storytelling proved to be an Epic Fail, perhaps Spencer Monroe should loan him his shovel next time around. Jake obviously needs some help when it comes to covering up any remnants that point to the love of his life. Then again, perhaps Jake's heart really wasn't in it.

written by:  M&M, with contributor PG
pic sources:  Twitter, YouTube, Oh My Godot, antsmarching.org, Undead Walking
song:  Would I Lie To You - Eurythmics

Subtext and Hidden Meaning: Closeted Story Telling and Jake Gyllenhaal's Sasquatch Parable - Part 1

Glossary of terms:

Farce -  a comic, dramatic work using buffoonery and horseplay and typically including crude characterization and ludicrously improbable situations  
Sasquatch (aka Bigfoot):  mythological simian, ape, or hominid-like creature that is said to inhabit forests, mainly in the Pacific Northwest.
Sacagawea (aka a Shoshone princess):  a Lemhi Shoshone woman who helped the Lewis and Clark Expedition achieve each of its chartered mission objectives exploring the Louisiana Purchase.
Primanti Brothers (Bros) is a chain of sandwich shops in the eastern United States, founded in Pittsburgh in 1933. The chain is known for its signature sandwiches of grilled meat, an Italian dressing-based cole slaw, and tomato slices, and French fries between two pieces of Italian bread.


**********

This past Tuesday night, Jake Gyllenhaal made a routine public appearance on the Jimmy Kimmel show to promote his new Tom Ford film, Nocturnal Animals.  Although this pre-release interview fit well within the lines of standard movie marketing practice, by the end of the ordeal circuitous conversation, not much had been revealed about plot or character.  In fact, even though there was a whole lot of selling going on, Jake's movie was not the focus of his pitch on that evening.  Instead, there appeared to be a whole lot of something else going on.  

In lieu of inside information about production locations, or fun stories about late night shoots, an unrelated topic dominated the banter that, at first glance, seemed nonsensical, yet when put under the microscope of scrutiny actually brings us a little bit closer to the inner machinations of the Hollywood closet.  Why discuss your latest film, when you have the opportunity to set the record straight about the off-the-wall topic of your relationship with Sasquatch?  That's right.  Sasquatch.  For over two minutes, Jake babbles and rambles, all the while attempting to clarify for everyone who Sasquatch actually is.  Not that anyone was asking, but somehow Jake felt it important to clear up the matter.

  
Kimmel starts out the peculiar discussion with an outright lie by stating that the conversation is justified because Jake discussed Sasquatch the last time he was on the show.  The only problem with this statement is that the time frame is completely false.  The original interview in which Jake introduced Sasquatch took place six years ago on December 3, 2009.  In the interim, Jake had been a scheduled guest on Kimmel on two separate occasions, which means that "last time" would not even be close to the truth.  When a host begins a mystifying conversation with a gross misstatement to support why a topic is being brought up in the first place, the viewer would be well served to buckle up and brace themselves for a wild ride.  When dealing with the closet, the cause for such deception is oftentimes related to a desperate attempt to distract from one's true sexual orientation or the gender fluidity of a celebrity.  Or in Jake's case, to bury the rumors that he is married to a man with whom he has had children through surrogacy births.

JK:  Last time you were here, you were talking about a friend whose name was Sasquatch as I recall.  Is this a boyhood friend? 
JG:  Yeah.
JK:  Are you still in contact with Sasquatch?
JG:  Occasionally, yeah.  When he decides to appear.
JK:  He's like the elusive Bigfoot?
JG:  Well, he's really only connected to like, with sporting events.
JK:  Oh, you guys watch sports together?
JG:  Not watch sports together.  Just like he's connected in one way or another.  Sort of through the universe.  Like Sasquatch appears.  Like I was at a Steelers game when I told you about Sasquatch first.  Like Sasquatch was there.  You know what I mean?  Sasquatch doesn't really have to be there.  But, whenever I talk about sports...whenever I'm watching a game, Sasquatch is sort of just there.  So like if there is any reference to anything sports-related, Sasquatch is there.
JK:  Is Sasquatch an imaginary friend?  Or, is this a real...[some of the audience laughs]
JG:  You can laugh.  That's fine.  I guess you could call him that.  [Jake avoids making eye contact with Kimmel]  I mean the other day, Sasquatch appeared on the subway.  On my way up to the City Center in New York where I did "Sunday in the Park with George."  And, he appeared in the form of an interesting exchange.  Yeah, no, no for real.  I was like on the subway.  I was reading my music.  I was getting ready for the show and this dude who was sitting on the subway just came up to me, "Hey, you're Aaron Rodgers."  And, I was like, "No dude.  I'm not Aaron Rodgers."  [He says] "C'mon, Aaron.  You're Aaron, man."  I was like, "I'm not."  He looked on his phone and he looked up pictures of Aaron Rodgers and he showed me, apparently "me."  He was like, "C'mon, Aaron."  And, I was like, "You're right.  You got me."  And, I'm like "I'm a great quarterback, aren't I?"  And, he's like, "You're alright.  Go Giants!"  What?  And in that moment, it was like, Sasquatch was with me.  Do you know what I mean?"
JK:  Not at all.
JG:  I'm really not sure either.


I don't know about anyone else, but the needle on my bullsh*t meter is overextended after measuring that exchange.

Here's the Sasquatch clip from Jake's appearance on Jimmy Kimmel this past week:

Maybe we can answer some of these questions by revisiting what Jake actually said on Jimmy Kimmel in 2009.  Like, "What was the point of all that?"  "Why bring up a mothballed topic in the first place?" And, even more importantly, "Why overhaul a story that Jake introduced six years ago?" 

written by M&M,  small contributor PG
To be continued in Part 2

picture source:  Pinterest
song:  Would I Lie To You - Eurythmics