There are two similarities between Jake's 2016 version of events and his earlier rendition. Jake does talk about the Pittsburgh Steelers and he does introduce the audience to a friend called Sasquatch. But that's where the resemblance ends.
December 3, 2009:
[Just came from Pittsburgh where he was filming LaOD]
JK: Have you gone to the Steelers game there?
JG: I have. Two Steelers' games. I'm a big Steelers fan now.
JK: People go nuts for the Steelers in Pittsburgh.
JG: I actually wasn't a big Steelers' fan until I, I, I wasn't a big Steelers fan until when I arrived, there's a tram that takes you from the gate to the baggage claim and when I looked down on the tram, there was this woman who had two Steelers tattoos on either ankle. When I first arrived. And, I realized like I couldn't be a Patriots fan.
JK: No.
JG: So for my three months I was there I was a Steelers fan. And I really wasn't anything but a Steelers fan.
JK: You got caught up in the excitement.
JG: I did yeah. It was pretty, pretty extraordinary.
JK: And, when you go to the game can you move about the game in a relaxed manner?
JG: What do you mean?
JK: I mean do people like swarm you because you're a star? I mean you know...
JG: Well, when I'm naked with a merkin like [referring to his earlier comments] people tend to stay away from me...[audience laughs].
JK: You're a method actor, you're really taking this naked thing to the wall.
JG: No, I went to this game with a friend of mine who happens to be like 6'8". We were there. He wasn't actually a big Steelers fan, but we went there and he wanted to go to Primanti Bros. You know what Primanti Bros. is?
JK: Yeah, 'sammitches' as it's properly pronounced there.
JG: Heart attack sandwiches.
JK: That's a great sandwich. Describe what's in a Primanti sandwich.
JG: Primanti Bros sandwiches, two pieces of white bread, thick pieces of white bread and then kielbasa and then you got like your french fries and then you got your cole slaw, I'm not really sure if that's fried or not. And then you have your lettuce and tomato or whatever.
JK: You can choose your meat.
JG: Yeah, you can choose your meat. So you know Primanti? [Jake looks at audience] You know Primanti Bros? It's fantastic.
JK: So you went to the restaurant? Or they have it at the game?
JG: They have it at the game. At the Steelers game. So we decided to go at the end of the first quarter because he wasn't that into the game. And we got up and there was like a couple next to us and they started following us. And I thought, "Oh, we'll lose them and then I realized I was literally with Sasquatch so like we couldn't lose them. It was like a lighthouse. It was like Sacagawea and Sasquatch. Like walking through the Steelers game. We got to the Primanti Bros and and sure enough this couple follows and this woman turns to me she had a few too many and she was, you know, tailgating a bit too long, and she turns to me and says [Jake imitating an inebriated woman] "I, I just wanted you to have this towel. [He tells Kimmel that the Steelers have these Terrible Towels] and she says, "I haven't washed it for 25 years. And, I swear it's my favorite thing, but I wanted to give it to you. I'm a huge fan of Bubble Boy."
[audience laughs] Jake goes off about how dirty the towel is. How it's encrusted with placenta...
JG: So I handed the towel over to Sasquatch and very politely he puts it in his pocket because he's focused on Primanti Bros. He got his sandwiches. They left us alone. We walked back to our seats. Sure enough we ate them. And I was finishing mine. I looked over at him and he was wiping his mouth with the towel. I let out this sort of yelp, sort of like a woman [Jake imitates high pitched sound of a woman]. I don't remember much that happened after that moment but when I woke up the next morning, I had this thing. [Jake stands up, turns around and shows the audience a Pittsburgh Steelers fake tattoo on his back.]
JK: You really did get the fever, didn't you?
JG: Tom Brady will never forgive me for that. So now I'm a Steelers fan through and through.
Seems like Jake's memory about Sasquatch is bit off of home plate. Or as Harry Doyle would say,
One would be hard pressed to find the actual video of the 2009 Jake visit to the Jimmy Kimmel show, except for this location on "I Heart Jake Videos". This is not the normal IHJ main page, however. The video is no longer available on sites such as You Tube, Oh No They Didn't, and Jake blogs such as Weirdland Jake Gyllenhaal Blogspot, and Wet Dark and Wild. But here are links to Part 1 and 2:
Jake Gyllenhaal visit to Jimmy Kimmel 2009 Pt 1 and 2
Knowing what we know now, that Jake and Austin were together as a couple and family unit in 2009 and that Austin's height is listed as at least being 6'3", not to mention Austin's shoe size certainly hasn't altered from
and that somewhere along the way, Austin gained a Pittsburgh Pirates hat,
and let's not forget the seven (7) posts by the premiere Jake and Austin Blog Administrator, Special K on "Oh My Godot" where Sasquatch was discussed with positive statements such as "Wild man huh...maybe that's the real reason Jake calls him Sasquatch." For the Jaustin knowledgeable, it has been long concluded (as Special wrote), that Austin Nichols is...Sasquatch. And, if Austin is Sasquatch, then it makes sense that Jake referred to himself as the Shoshone princess, Sacagawea - gender bending at its most endearing.
What is most striking about the difference between the Jimmy Kimmel 2009 interview and the 2016 "sequel" is how Sasquatch changed from a quaint and delightfully quirky Primanti Sandwich eating, Terrible Towel mouth-wiping companion at a Pittsburg Steelers game to a harebrained imaginary friend who pops up on subway trains as a sports-related apparition.
With Nocturnal Animals soon to be released, yet barely mentioned in the Jimmy Kimmel interview, it is eyebrow raising that the Sasquatch story proved to be the focal point of Jake's visit. GQ was even used to tweet the following to raise the visibility of Jake's nonsensical rant:
So, Jake Gyllenhaal seems to have an imaginary friend https://t.co/mobd3mLNiX pic.twitter.com/gFwM9tRo1F— GQ Magazine (@GQMagazine) November 3, 2016
And when you watch the video, the explanation for the identity of Sasquatch somehow morphs into a story about being mistaken for Aaron Rodgers, a subject which has been tweeted about routinely for the past several years, but still has no relationship to the original Sasquatch of 2009.
— Vidmebuzz (@vidmebuzz) November 2, 2016
There is no doubt that WME has been heavily closeting Jake since 2012. As part of this damage control, the agency has attempted to revamp Jake's internet search for years, with the main goal of burying Austin Nichols as much as possible. Given that Jake's revisionist storytelling proved to be an Epic Fail, perhaps Spencer Monroe should loan him his shovel next time around. Jake obviously needs some help when it comes to covering up any remnants that point to the love of his life. Then again, perhaps Jake's heart really wasn't in it.
written by: M&M, with contributor PG
pic sources: Twitter, YouTube, Oh My Godot, antsmarching.org, Undead Walking
song: Would I Lie To You - Eurythmics
5 comments:
Sure enough we ate them. And I was finishing mine. I looked over at him and he was wiping his mouth with the towel. I let out this sort of yelp, sort of like a woman [Jake imitates high pitched sound of a woman]. I don't remember much that happened after that moment but when I woke up the next morning, I had this thing. [Jake stands up, turns around and shows the audience a Pittsburgh Steelers fake tattoo on his back.]
I loved this whole original Sasquatch story. I hadn't thought about it in forever and probably never would have again. But thanks to Jake and now to M & M for her fine research, I have gone back to reread the story and it is the most wonderful thing, why?
Because this is as close as we are ever going to get to hearing one of these guys talking about the other again. I mean, there was that one quote from Austin years & years ago about Jake teaching him about women and life. I think that's all there is on record. So I was reading this and absorbing as though it was for the very first time. And it was wonderful.
Doesn't that sandwich look like a food truck sandwich? And Jake telling Austin I'm sure that it's a heart attack sandwich. Who knows how many times he has told him that now.
But anyway, no need to embellish on that now. What a glimpse into a time when Jake managed to find a way to sneak Austin into a story, something he will never be doing again. This is why Jake talks about Aaron Rodgers and lipsticks and training for six years and riding with cops for five years and doing 100,000 sit-ups a week because he is just so busy preparing for all his movies, he has no more time for a personal life and therefore no more Sasquatch stories.
I also want to add that when I read about Jake losing his memory after watching Sasquatch wiping his mouth with the towel, thus forgetting everything that happened afterwards until the next morning, I have to say that I had a George Costanza memory. Austin wiping his greasy, moist mouth must have just sent Jake into a hot food coma until his consciousness left him! Remember that episode of Seinfeld when George Costanza started bringing food into bed with his girlfriend because it got him going? And they would be under the covers and George would poke his head out to take a bite out of a big thick sandwich, then dive back under the covers again? LOL. That is what came to me when Jake says that he forgot everything after seeing Sasquatch wipe his mouth with the towel.
Hmmmmm..
;-)
And sorry again that Part 2 appears first at the top before Part 1. We tried to fix it by taking them both down and then posting Pt 2 first followed by Part 1 so that Part 1 would be up at the top. But I guess Blogger looks at it by whichever one was drafted first, so it still posted Part 1 first and then Part 2.
We'll remember this next time whenever we think we'll have a post which requires two entries. Because I know that is highly confusing. Grrrrrr.
Good morning, anyway! Hope everybody is doing well on this Sunday.
I love the original Sasquatch interview too, PG. The playful, clever banter was classic Jake. He also was just about to free himself of his contract with the Iron Maiden, Reese Witherspoon, which I'm sure contributed to his contentment.
Remember, Jake had been hiding away from the media since 2007 when he began his Reeke fauxmance to hide the start of he and Austin's family so his appearance on Jimmy Kimmel in December, 2009 was his first opportunity to do a shout out to his man. Ted Casablanca even wrote a Blind about Toothy and Goose a few weeks later, indicating that they were happier than ever:
Fri., Dec. 11, 2009
Straight Dude Buds Stand Up Tall for Toothy Tile
Something our dear, closeted Toothy Tile most certainly does not share with his also-in-the-closet brethren like Lloyd Boy-Toyed, Crotch Uh-Lastic and Jackie Bouffant is a virtual cornucopia of straight buds.
I don't mean the pretend kind, but the ones you never see Toothy photographed with. Yeah, you heard me right: These are heterosexual bros with whom Toothy loves to shoot the shit, have a few brews, talk about the broads, all that 100-percent-cotton American man stuff Toothy just can't seem to let go from his, like, totally gay life.
OK, it's cool, I have tons (maybe a few) gay friends who are completely into the SUVs/watching sports/unshowered thing, maybe it's not so completely weird that Toothy's wired that way a little, too?
But what's wacko is when these boy-buds o' Toothy's start, shockingly...
...coming to the put-upon pooftah's defense! At parties! At bars! At ball games! At beach barbecues! It's getting friggin' hi-larious!
And no, these dudes who actually do know Toothy rather well are not defending Mr. Tile's very publicized fauxmance and whether or not it's legitimate, hardly.
Nope, instead, they're busy saying, as of late, that Toothy and his man are doin' just fine, thank you, and further more, "They're the real thing." These het amigos like to tell this to anybody who starts talking crap about their good friend.
Backstabbing gossip gets these hetero friends of Toothy's so very riled up, they've lately been stating how "in love" Mr. and Mr. Toothy Tile happen to be right now. So there!
Wow. With friends like that, who needs gossip columns? But ain't it nice to know how truly true-blue Toothy is?
I knew it all along, didn't you?
I mean, come on, I would never have given a hateful scum-schmuck such press. Toothy's cool. Just currently a bit lost.
And It Ain't: James Marsden, Kellan Lutz, Javier Bardem
I understand that both Clarity and Destiny have sent their best wishes my way because I've been under the weather for a few weeks. Thanks, ladies. This flu season is a bad one. I'm on the mend, however. Feisty as ever. Take care of yourselves so you can avoid this virus. Vitamin C, rest and doing whatever makes you the happiest in the world should keep that immune system thriving. :-)
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