Wait a second. You mean it's not 2012 all over again? Narnia sure thought it was because a hard reboot just happened right before our very eyes.
We went from soft-hued, orange sherbet-y, Jake...
and wafer'ish Jake in pastels -
to seeing him abruptly replaced with dark and gritty Jake...
Granted, back in 2012, when William Morris Agency (WME/IMG)/Endeavor first put their own corporate stamp on Jakers' new image, he wasn't sucking on his thumb like he appears to be in the photo above, but oral stimulation was still part of his reworked package. Newbie Spidey fans may be in the dark, but longtime followers remember this "revised" Jake, early circa 2012.
The Time to Dance music video:
Standing around with unnamed friends, "caught" by paps:
in New York City, allegedly on Dec 7, 2012:
James Dean'ish Jake pictured above in 2012 is quite different from the cuddly, cashmere sweater lovin' young man from early 2011 (as seen directly below). The change was striking and sudden, as one could imagine.
Hmmmm.... so, are we in for another WME/Endeavor Jake restart? The good thing is, they don't have to "move" him to New York! He's already got his
Back in 2012-2013, the new talent agency also tried to "ease" Jake back into the "relationship" game (after supposedly nursing his still raw "break up" wounds with A-List Beard Reese Witherspoon for a protracted two-years under CAA). The primary hints being generated by strategically-placed internet rumors with the likes of Minka Kelly and Are They-or-Aren't-They photos with blue-haired Lea Seydoux. This non-tactile, sterile tactic eventually evolved into more rumors and a picnic table photo flotation with model Emily Didonato, which quickly shifted into a broadly publicized "relationship" with model Alyssa Miller. That contract ended in late 2013 with a much-delayed announcement in January 2014. (See how they did that? No one even noticed that Jake got to be free just in time for the holidays!) A very similar and convenient post-Thanksgiving timeline was employed in December 2010 with Taylor Swift, with the "break-up" announced on January 4, 2011. With this kind of holiday season timeline, one would almost think that Jake might have wanted to be with some special someones, wouldn't you?
And now Sony and Marvel have finished manipulating and playing their fans with the following Henny Penny, "The sky has fallen!", aka "can't come to terms" narrative:
Followed by breaking out the Crying Tom picture:
Dreams Shattered!
That door is CLOSED:
And then? Welllll... maybe crack open that door, just a smidge.
Notice in Variety's September tweet above, the important words "For the Moment".
And then finally, another ride on the Sony/Marvel Tilt-A-Whirl ride. It's a miracle! An agreement has suddenly been reached.
Oh indeed, little one! Indeed. And guess what? The two big juggernaut companies had a "savvy" mediator involved with the high level negotiations. Guess who it was?
Peter Parker saved the day. We sure couldn't see that one coming.
Oh, yes.
And so the Spidey universe has now been saved and Holland is a hero just like "movie Spiderman", his character. You couldn't write a better script than that, could you? Oh wait...I think it just was, wasn't it?
And, what about Quentin Beck, aka Mysterio, also known as Jake Gyllenhaal? What does his future hold? Well, now that Jakers is done with Sea Wall/A Life, Tom "Homewrecker" Sturridge has been
And also now that Sea Wall/A Life has ended (on Sep 29), what has happened to Jake since that closing weekend? Well, he stage door'ed on Saturday the 28th and there were plenty of pictures reflecting this.
Stage-dooring - (love this smile on him):
Posing with other actresses in the business:
And then, in pictures of a suddenly and noticeably beefier-looking Jake and beard Jeanne "Homewrecker III" Cadieu, allegedly taking a New York City walkabout on Sep 30, after giving the paps a ring. Here's an "informative" account telling everyone what day it was:
Additional pictures spread like a wildfire:
There was some, sorta-kinda-maybe PDA?
The ol' "I think there's something in my hair" line:
Unbridled passion in a stolen moment:
*whispers* "Is that really Jake's gluteus maximus? I dunnooooo..." ;-)
And then of course, the ol' "Hey! Who are you lookin' at?" pose.
A promoted attendance at an art show called JR: The Chronicles of New York City, with the enabling assistance of Chris Rock (WME/Endeavor client) and an old trustworthy, enabling art business contact and former merkin for actress/pal Michelle Williams, Dustin Yellin. He has now popped up multiple times with both Big Sis Maggie and Jake.
Here's Jake, Dustin Yellin in the forefront and a
Good ol' Yellin. The Gyllenhaal's can count on those in the art world for help, much like Harry Styles' people seem to do for him.
More reading from the same playbook, perhaps? *wink*
Harry at the “Tim Walker: Wonderful Things” exhibition at the Victoria & Albert
Museum in London yesterday - October 3, 2019
Harry in London with Jefferson Hack at The Store X The Vinyl Factory’s Transformer Exhibition, October 4, 2019
But, we digress. The time came to roll out another NYC walkabout with Cadieu, on this occasion, with a nocturnal edge (Ha! Get it?) "Nocturnal"..... I know, lame. :-(
In a set of pictures (which yet again hit Instagram first, and then I Heart Jake) entitled "Out With Jeanne and Friends", here's Jake, Jeanne and unnamed friends, allegedly taking place on Sep 29, but for some reason, not released until Oct 4.
You have to admit, Jake and Cadieu have some just-between-them kind of unique PDA uniqueness going on. LOL!
Or, perhaps Jake got his shoe stuck on some gum and Cadieu is trying to help pry his shoe free from that offending sidewalk? Either way, that young gal cannot keep her hands off of Jake! You have gotta love their being able to throw themselves into these
And this particular "shot" captured some pretty fancy footwork. Looks like they may have been doing some docey-do'ing square dancing, as we see Ms. Cadieu with her body on Jake's left. One minute in the first picture, her left leg is in front of Jake's, perhaps trying to nudge his knee and heel from behind to get him to start moving.
And, in what can only be described as a "swift" move, she's docey-dandied back behind his leg! What a sly maneuver by the young model!
And then here's Jake with the levitation move, so light on his feet, almost like Fred Astaire (if he ever square danced, that is)
Wow! These kids are a day late and a dollar short for Hee Haw or Lawrence Welk, aren't they?
And then there's their desire to draw their friends on the sidewalk into their two or was it three-step moments, almost to the point of stepping-on-toes awkwardness:
I don't know, but we think Cadieu ought to turn around with her eyes on her path because she's about to slam right into that young lady. ;-) As is apparent, Narnia does not pass up on any opportunity for a safety moment, ladies and gentlemen.
And for good measure, use The Daily Mail to tell everyone it was a Date Night and throw her much-younger age into the title so that the comments can be steered to discuss what a "Leo DiCaprio" Jake is.
In between all of this New York City activity, we had a new Jake photoshoot from the late Peter Lindbergh which was released on the internet. This was a nice one:
And Austin came out of the woodwork, looking suddenly quite, er...purposely "rugged":
DO YOU HAVE GUTS?— AUSTIN NICHOLS (@AustinNichols) September 30, 2019
I’d love to meet you folks. Atlanta @WalkerStalker. Oct 18-20. See ya there! pic.twitter.com/Ppjp0hqVSh
While GyllenHolland ramped up a bit with a gag reel and "behind the scenes" to go along with the released DVD of Far From Home, and an "old"/"new" video that was released, which GyllenHolland fans thought was very romantic and husband-ish, if their Instagram posts are to be believed. See for yourself and see if you aren't overcome with something. At least this account helps to
(and because Instagram doesn't embed cooperatively any longer, a screenshot below of the post)
Also in the past week, Big Sis Maggie came out with her own Vanity Fair interview, a la Jake, and stepped out (allegedly) with Peter at the New York Film Festival. Narnia isn't seeing solid proof that Peter was there. And it was her new Vanity Fair interview which helped to robot-stuff her brother's Twitter search for a day or two, while chatting about Donnie Darko. Very handy how that works!
Such a flurry of activity from everyone, where to look, what to think?! So what do we take away from this week that was?
For one, alot of look-over-here while Jake rejoins his real life family. Narnia is accustomed to that kind of smoke and mirrors though, right? There's something else and that is number two, that Jake undoubtedly will do additional Spiderman flicks. This is why Sturridge was so abruptly kicked to the curb and Cadieu immediately rolled out, literally onto the sidewalk, before the doors of the Hudson Theater were even locked, lol.
The Spiderman universe is bigger than Prince of Persia ever was. Jake would never have gone to the extent that he did this past week, but for the push from behind onto the ship's plank from Team Mara and Sony. That was all publicist Mara Buxbaum and Sony Movies behind the Cadieu photoshopped, I mean NYC, walkabouts. Besides, it really doesn't matter that they're photoshopped, right? We can see this, yes. But to the masses, they're not looking closely enough (or care) to notice and people like Mara, Sony and Marvel count on that.
It's possible that Jake very well may need to "marry" his French beard. It wouldn't be a real marriage because in reality, he is legally married to Austin so he can't be a bigamist. But like some Hollywood marriages these days, one doesn't need to have a blood test and piece of paper to be portrayed as married anymore. All you need is a "private" barn location and a few enabling "guests" for the wedding and the assistance of Instagram, People.com and The Daily Fail.
Jake and Austin are reaching an impasse due to their ages. Look at this comment from the Daily Fail post on one of the NYC walkabouts:
More people are going to be like TheRealDangermouse, if they're not already, for those who aren't as familiar with Jake.
For those who are? Well, there were these interesting and knowing words from that particular demographic.
And there were many, many more in the Daily Fail thread, the vast majority not buying the photos with Cadieu. For some reason, Jake just doesn't get away with the pretense like a Ryan Reynolds or Hugh Jackman. And so it might be that we see Jake coerced into a fake marriage, a la Justin Bieber.
It doesn't benefit for Austin to. No one knows who Chumley is and Austin isn't as high profile. It's Jake who is and it's Jake who is Mysterio. So we'll see. Either way, Narnia has no intentions of dropping the ball regarding following this continuing story.
While this writer likes to have some fun, the intent is not to fault Jake entirely for this path, because there's a very long story and history to his situation, right? It's always clear since the days of Witherspoon, that Jake is not comfortable bearding. He doesn't handle it near as well as Austin has. But he's the main breadwinner. He's the face of the Gyllenhaal family, undoubtedly with the careers of Big Sis Maggie, ex-bro-in-law Peter Sarsgaard and mother Naomi Foner still riding on his back and digging their heels in to his sides. Pressure from peers. There are a lot of small dividends who now depend on him and Austin to provide for them.
There's a comic con approaching next weekend, Ace Comic Con in Rosemont, IL (near O'Hare Airport) and Jake will be appearing with Tom Holland as part of the Spiderman universe. Chris Hemsworth is also scheduled to appear. Unlike with his beards, Jake throws himself into the mearding, lol. He cannot help himself, wedding band or no wedding band. The mearding and burial of Austin should be in its highest gear, since the stakes have visibly been risen. The following weekend, it will be Austin's turn at the con circuit as he appears at the Walker Stalker in Atlanta, GA. Sandwiched in between is Baby Tile #1's birthday. Narnia says these next two weeks could be lawn chair worthy.
pic sources: IHJ, popsugar, Daily Fail, techolac, Just Jared,
reaction gifs, PeruTV
our playlist: I'm Not Your Man - Tommy Conwell
Brokeback Mountain Suite - City of Prague
Philharmonic
Brokeback Mountain Suite - Gay Men's Chorus of
Los Angeles
The Way It Is - Bruce Hornsby & the Range
