The WME/Endeavor Network Brings You "The Jake Gyllenhaal Reboot"

Wait a second. You mean it's not 2012 all over again?  Narnia sure thought it was because a hard reboot just happened right before our very eyes. 

We went from soft-hued, orange sherbet-y, Jake...

and wafer'ish Jake in pastels -

to seeing him abruptly replaced with dark and gritty Jake...

Granted, back in 2012, when William Morris Agency (WME/IMG)/Endeavor first put their own corporate stamp on Jakers' new image, he wasn't sucking on his thumb like he appears to be in the photo above, but oral stimulation was still part of his reworked package.  Newbie Spidey fans may be in the dark, but longtime followers remember this "revised" Jake, early circa 2012.

The Time to Dance music video:

Standing around with unnamed friends, "caught" by paps:

in New York City, allegedly on Dec 7, 2012:

James Dean'ish Jake pictured above in 2012 is quite different from the cuddly, cashmere sweater lovin' young man from early 2011 (as seen directly below).  The change was striking and sudden, as one could imagine.

Hmmmm.... so, are we in for another WME/Endeavor Jake restart? The good thing is, they don't have to "move" him to New York! He's already got his time-share, I mean "pap free condo" residence in the Big Apple.  So, the showy "Hollywood Hills estate sale" would not be necessary; that's a cost savings right there.  ;-)

Back in 2012-2013, the new talent agency also tried to "ease" Jake back into the "relationship" game (after supposedly nursing his still raw "break up" wounds with A-List Beard Reese Witherspoon for a protracted two-years under CAA). The primary hints being generated by strategically-placed internet rumors with the likes of Minka Kelly and Are They-or-Aren't-They photos with blue-haired Lea Seydoux.  This non-tactile, sterile tactic eventually evolved into more rumors and a picnic table photo flotation with model Emily Didonato, which quickly shifted into a broadly publicized "relationship" with model Alyssa Miller.  That contract ended in late 2013 with a much-delayed announcement in January 2014. (See how they did that? No one even noticed that Jake got to be free just in time for the holidays!)  A very similar and convenient post-Thanksgiving timeline was employed in December 2010 with Taylor Swift, with the "break-up" announced on January 4, 2011. With this kind of holiday season timeline, one would almost think that Jake might have wanted to be with some special someones, wouldn't you?

And now Sony and Marvel have finished manipulating and playing their fans with the following Henny Penny, "The sky has fallen!", aka "can't come to terms" narrative:

Followed by breaking out the Crying Tom picture:

 Dreams Shattered!

That door is CLOSED:

And then?  Welllll... maybe crack open that door, just a smidge.

 













Notice in Variety's September tweet above, the important words "For the Moment".  

And then finally, another ride on the Sony/Marvel Tilt-A-Whirl ride. It's a miracle! An agreement has suddenly been reached.

Oh indeed, little one!  Indeed.  And guess what?  The two big juggernaut companies had a "savvy" mediator involved with the high level negotiations. Guess who it was?

Peter Parker saved the day.  We sure couldn't see that one coming.

Oh, yes.

 

And so the Spidey universe has now been saved and Holland is a hero just like "movie Spiderman", his character.  You couldn't write a better script than that, could you?  Oh wait...I think it just was, wasn't it?

And, what about Quentin Beck, aka Mysterio, also known as Jake Gyllenhaal?  What does his future hold? Well, now that Jakers is done with Sea Wall/A Life, Tom "Homewrecker" Sturridge has been kicked to the curb, I mean, lol - I mean, he's moved on to other projects.  That is, until perhaps a London run of Sea Wall/A Life sometime next year, a la Sunday In The Park With George?  A run in late summer/early fall might work out, pre-Thanksgiving/Christmas?  Don't be surprised at all if the play is taken across the pond.  Jake's frequent filming overseas and taking SITPWG for an extended run in London fits in nicely with hiding the family and Austin along with him.

And also now that Sea Wall/A Life has ended (on Sep 29), what has happened to Jake since that closing weekend?  Well, he stage door'ed on Saturday the 28th and there were plenty of pictures reflecting this.  

Stage-dooring - (love this smile on him):

Posing with other actresses in the business:

And then, in pictures of a suddenly and noticeably beefier-looking Jake and beard Jeanne "Homewrecker III" Cadieu, allegedly taking a New York City walkabout on Sep 30, after giving the paps a ring.  Here's an "informative" account telling everyone what day it was:

  Additional pictures spread like a wildfire:

There was some, sorta-kinda-maybe PDA?

The ol' "I think there's something in my hair" line:

Unbridled passion in a stolen moment:

 















*whispers* "Is that really Jake's gluteus maximus? I dunnooooo..." ;-)

And then of course, the ol' "Hey! Who are you lookin' at?" pose.

A promoted attendance at an art show called JR: The Chronicles of New York City, with the enabling assistance of Chris Rock (WME/Endeavor client) and an old trustworthy, enabling art business contact and former merkin for actress/pal Michelle Williams, Dustin Yellin.  He has now popped up multiple times with both Big Sis Maggie and Jake.

Here's Jake, Dustin Yellin in the forefront and a headless hugger, I mean someone that Jake is embracing whose head we somehow cannot see at all:

Good ol' Yellin.  The Gyllenhaal's can count on those in the art world for help, much like Harry Styles' people seem to do for him.  

More reading from the same playbook, perhaps?  *wink*

Harry at the “Tim Walker: Wonderful Things” exhibition at the Victoria & Albert 

Museum in London yesterday - October 3, 2019

 Harry in London with Jefferson Hack at The Store X The Vinyl Factory’s Transformer Exhibition, October 4, 2019

But, we digress. The time came to roll out another NYC walkabout with Cadieu, on this occasion, with a nocturnal edge (Ha! Get it?)  "Nocturnal"..... I know, lame.  :-( 

In a set of pictures (which yet again hit Instagram first, and then I Heart Jake) entitled "Out With Jeanne and Friends", here's Jake, Jeanne and unnamed friends, allegedly taking place on Sep 29, but for some reason, not released until Oct 4.

You have to admit, Jake and Cadieu have some just-between-them kind of unique PDA uniqueness going on.  LOL!

 Or, perhaps Jake got his shoe stuck on some gum and Cadieu is trying to help pry his shoe free from that offending sidewalk?  Either way, that young gal cannot keep her hands off of Jake! You have gotta love their being able to throw themselves into these manipped moments.

And this particular "shot" captured some pretty fancy footwork.  Looks like they may have been doing some docey-do'ing square dancing, as we see Ms. Cadieu with her body on Jake's left.  One minute in the first picture, her left leg is in front of Jake's,  perhaps trying to nudge his knee and heel from behind to get him to start moving.

And, in what can only be described as a "swift" move, she's docey-dandied back behind his leg! What a sly maneuver by the young model!

And then here's Jake with the levitation move, so light on his feet, almost like Fred Astaire (if he ever square danced, that is)

Wow! These kids are a day late and a dollar short for Hee Haw or Lawrence Welk, aren't they?  

And then there's their desire to draw their friends on the sidewalk into their two or was it three-step moments, almost to the point of stepping-on-toes awkwardness:

I don't know, but we think Cadieu ought to turn around with her eyes on her path because she's about to slam right into that young lady. ;-)  As is apparent, Narnia does not pass up on any opportunity for a safety moment, ladies and gentlemen.

And for good measure, use The Daily Mail to tell everyone it was a Date Night and throw her much-younger age into the title so that the comments can be steered to discuss what a "Leo DiCaprio" Jake is.

In between all of this New York City activity, we had a new Jake photoshoot from the late Peter Lindbergh which was released on the internet.  This was a nice one:

And Austin came out of the woodwork, looking suddenly quite, er...purposely "rugged":

DO YOU HAVE GUTS?
I’d love to meet you folks. Atlanta @WalkerStalker. Oct 18-20. See ya there! pic.twitter.com/Ppjp0hqVSh

— AUSTIN NICHOLS (@AustinNichols) September 30, 2019

 While GyllenHolland ramped up a bit with a gag reel and "behind the scenes" to go along with the released DVD of Far From Home, and an "old"/"new" video that was released, which GyllenHolland fans thought was very romantic and husband-ish, if their Instagram posts are to be believed.  See for yourself and see if you aren't overcome with something. At least this account helps to spoonfeed, I mean explain.

View this post on Instagram

When they both look at each other when the diamond ring part comes on...it all makes sense now. 👀 _____________ ac- @jake.and.tom ✨✨ song- (look back at it) • :)

A post shared by ɢʏʟʟᴇɴʜᴏʟʟᴀɴᴅ (@jake.and.tom) on Sep 29, 2019 at 8:22am PDT

 

(and because Instagram doesn't embed cooperatively any longer, a screenshot below of the post)
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Also in the past week, Big Sis Maggie came out with her own Vanity Fair interview, a la Jake, and stepped out (allegedly) with Peter at the New York Film Festival.  Narnia isn't seeing solid proof that Peter  was there.  And it was her new Vanity Fair interview which helped to robot-stuff her brother's Twitter search for a day or two, while chatting about Donnie Darko.  Very handy how that works!

Such a flurry of activity from everyone, where to look, what to think?! So what do we take away from this week that was?  

For one, alot of look-over-here while Jake rejoins his real life family.  Narnia is accustomed to that kind of smoke and mirrors though, right?  There's something else and that is number two, that Jake undoubtedly will do additional Spiderman flicks.   This is why Sturridge was so abruptly kicked to the curb and Cadieu immediately rolled out, literally onto the sidewalk, before the doors of the Hudson Theater were even locked, lol.

The Spiderman universe is bigger than Prince of Persia ever was.  Jake would never have gone to the extent that he did this past week, but for the push from behind onto the ship's plank from Team Mara and Sony.  That was all publicist Mara Buxbaum and Sony Movies behind the Cadieu photoshopped, I mean NYC, walkabouts.  Besides, it really doesn't matter that they're photoshopped, right?  We can see this, yes.  But to the masses, they're not looking closely enough (or care) to notice and people like Mara, Sony and Marvel count on that.  

It's possible that Jake very well may need to "marry" his French beard.  It wouldn't be a real marriage because in reality, he is legally married to Austin so he can't be a bigamist.  But like some Hollywood marriages these days, one doesn't need to have a blood test and piece of paper to be portrayed as married anymore.  All you need is a "private" barn location and a few enabling "guests" for the wedding and the assistance of Instagram, People.com and The Daily Fail.

Jake and Austin are reaching an impasse due to their ages.  Look at this comment from the Daily Fail post on one of the NYC walkabouts:

More people are going to be like TheRealDangermouse, if they're not already, for those who aren't as familiar with Jake.

For those who are?  Well, there were these interesting and knowing words from that particular demographic. 

And there were many, many more in the Daily Fail thread, the vast majority not buying the photos with Cadieu.  For some reason, Jake just doesn't get away with the pretense like a Ryan Reynolds or Hugh Jackman.  And so it might be that we see Jake coerced into a fake marriage, a la Justin Bieber.

It doesn't benefit for Austin to.  No one knows who Chumley is and Austin isn't as high profile.  It's Jake who is and it's Jake who is Mysterio.  So we'll see.  Either way, Narnia has no intentions of dropping the ball regarding following this continuing story.

While this writer likes to have some fun, the intent is not to fault Jake entirely for this path, because there's a very long story and history to his situation, right?  It's always clear since the days of Witherspoon, that Jake is not comfortable bearding. He doesn't handle it near as well as Austin has. But he's the main breadwinner. He's the face of the Gyllenhaal family, undoubtedly with the careers of Big Sis Maggie, ex-bro-in-law Peter Sarsgaard and mother Naomi Foner still riding on his back and digging their heels in to his sides.  Pressure from peers.  There are a lot of small dividends who now depend on him and Austin to provide for them. 

There's a comic con approaching next weekend, Ace Comic Con in Rosemont, IL (near O'Hare Airport) and Jake will be appearing with Tom Holland as part of the Spiderman universe.  Chris Hemsworth is also scheduled to appear.  Unlike with his beards, Jake throws himself into the mearding, lol.  He cannot help himself, wedding band or no wedding band.  The mearding and burial of Austin should be in its highest gear, since the stakes have visibly been risen.  The following weekend, it will be Austin's turn at the con circuit as he appears at the Walker Stalker in Atlanta, GA. Sandwiched in between is Baby Tile #1's birthday.  Narnia says these next two weeks could be lawn chair worthy.

pic sources:  IHJ, popsugar, Daily Fail, techolac, Just Jared,

                     reaction gifs, PeruTV

our playlist:  I'm Not Your Man - Tommy Conwell

                     Brokeback Mountain Suite - City of Prague 

                                                                    Philharmonic

                     Brokeback Mountain Suite - Gay Men's Chorus of

                                                                   Los Angeles

                     The Way It Is - Bruce Hornsby & the Range

 

Far From "Home" In More Ways Than One: Jake Gyllenhaal's Met Gala Truancy

As Narnia has previously demonstrated on many occasions, right after Jake Gyllenhaal signed with WME in late 2011,  a seven-year relentless marketing campaign was unleashed. The goal a simple one. Make sure that the lifelong California Boy was publicly perceived as a NY transplant in all ways.  Ignore that he still was seen in California for years after his high profile relocation. Or that he still was photographed leaving his favorite medical building in Los Angeles in November 2012. Or that he was photographed with his well known pooch, Atticus, in West Hollywood in August 2013, while his lovable canine companion was never seen in NY. And don't point out that his public Hollywood Hills house didn't even go up for sale until September 2014. Or, that Jake then proceeded to film three movies in the Los Angeles/Malibu area within a short five years of one another:  Nightcrawler (2013); Nocturnal Animals (2015); and Velvet Buzzsaw (2018)

Remember all those farcical Jake on subway pics? Funny how we don't see them any more, isn't it? (Although I'm sure we can look forward to something soon now that this oversight has been pointed out.)

And all those Jake Gyllenhaal headlines about how he was "eyeing" NY apartments again? Along with the publication of actual addresses, (privacy be damn!) just in case the public might not be convinced that Jakers now lived in the City That Never Sleeps, instead of The Golden State he had once called home for 31 years.
  
New York Post, October 10, 2013


CITY HAAL
Jake Gyllenhaal is the latest celebrity who’s house-hunting this fall. He recently looked at a 3,000-square-foot, four-bedroom, 4½-bathroom loft duplex at 137 Franklin St. The TriBeCa co-op, asking $6.2 million, comes with a fireplace, private elevator and radiant heat white oak floors. Sadly for Jake, an out-of-town family has swooped in to buy the place. Town’s Andrew Azoulay represented the seller while Town’s Claudia and Mark Fromm represented the buyer.

Jake Gyllenhaal eyes $3.75M townhouse

                                              37 Harrison Street in TriBeca, May 2014

NEW YORK CITY

Jake Gyllenhaal Reportedly Buys a Pad in 443 Greenwich for $8.63M

443 Greenwich, a super luxury condominium in Manhattan’s Tribeca neighborhood, June 2017

Although Jake has actually spent more time in NY over the last few years, the point still stands that Endeavor continues to obsess over convincing everyone that he is a true New Yorker. The repetitious nature of the message, the only real constant of Jake's post-CAA existence.

In the beginning, the unexpected cross country "move" was explained away as Jake simply wanting to be closer to his "family," although the question of why Hollywood movie star Jake Gyllenhaal would abruptly need to be near his sister and mommie, never really rang true. Especially, since Maggie's Big Apple affiliation, (she was actually born in New York City and had pretty much relocated there back in 1995, while attending Columbia University) never seemed to inspire Jake to follow suit. That is until his Endeavor hetero reinvention began in 2012.  

In reality, the lingering rumors regarding Jake Gyllenhaal and Austin Nichols being together since 2002, and raising their own private family in surrogate-friendly California, seems to have been a more compelling reason for Jake's very public relocation to NY. More reason, in fact, than any manufactured, out-of-the-blue sibling-maternal ties. Remember that the separation of OTPs is always a go-to tactic of management teams concerned with their closeted clients' image. All Endeavor had left to do was saddle Austin Nichols, who interestingly enough stayed in Los Angeles, with serial beards (remember that the marginalized half of the couple can never be single), and the reinvention process was complete. Move along. Nothing to see here, people. 

Which brings us to the main point of this post, the notable absence of Jake from the Met Gala fundraiser today.  The no show status was particularly egregious since Jake had been associated for years with this Metropolitan Museum of Art Costume Institute's annual fashion exhibit. His involvement dating back as early as 2003 when he first appeared with his then "girlfriend," Kirsten Dunst.

And then again in 2005, this time officially flying solo.

          Jake Gyllenhaal Arrives at the Costume Institute Chanel Exhibit 

    Opening Night Gala Benefit - Met Gala May 2, 2005

Here he is with his best bud at the time in 2013.

Jake's "date" Marcus Mumford, Met Gala May 2013

Immediately followed by the inseparable siblings in 2014.

                                                         Jake's "date" with his Big Sis Maggie, Met Gala, May 2014

Then a ménage à trois bromatic affair in 2017.

                            Jake's "double date" with Ryan Reynolds and Hugh Jackman, Met Gala, May 2017


Yet, instead, of the obvious quintessential New York pairing of Jake Gyllenhaal with the 'Notes on Camp' theme set for this year, we get this unexpected announcement, that Jake will be in Burbank on May 6 (since Ellen's Tuesday shows are videotaped on Mondays). A ready made excuse provided for Jake to be AWOL from the high profile fashion event.

Given the Camp theme and Endeavor's love of placing Jake with every man he works with (Anyone but Austin!), it truly is odd that PR would miss a  grand opportunity for an coming out, ahem, I mean appearance, don't you think? Based on that truly laughable "lobster" tweet (wink wink) from one of those pop culture openly gay reporters with the NY Times, maybe Jake could have dressed as a flamboyant pink crustacean with brocade black satin and gold lace footwear, sporting Rococo Baroque heels. Now that would have been a look to remember!

 
Moreover, given that Jake is supposedly "dating" a French 23-year old model, the Met Gala seemed like a no-brainer for someone comfortably cemented into a closeted image, but still trying to remain relevant, while also associating himself with NY and it's international fashion industry.

With all this in mind, how very odd of Jake to begin promo season for Spider-man: Far From Home, nearly 2-months before the film even opens "at a theater near you," and just a few short days before The Met Gala. After all, he could have credibly walked that pink carpet with an actual girlfriend model. The free media coverage would have been extensive as well since the E! network was LIVE broadcasting four consecutive hours from the Pink Carpet this year. Great exposure for someone working hard to worm associate himself with his "home" in NY, and it's world renown fashion industry. 

The timing of the trailer for Spider-man: Far From Home that dropped today doesn't pass the smell test either compared to similarly situated productions. Research shows that the average time between first trailer and theatrical release is 126 days (i.e. around four months). Genre appears to influence release time as well, but action adventure films have even more lead time. In fact, the gap is closer to 145 days between trailer and theatrical release. Hmm, with two months out, it almost seems like Sony Pictures held back so Jake would have something to promote just around the time of the "see and be seen" Met Gala pageantry. Think of the valuable free publicity Jake and Spider-man would have garnered if he had participated adorned in flashy heroic attire.

 Source: Stephen Follows Film Data and Education July, 2017


Furthermore, delving a bit deeper...hey...wait one darn pregnant-paused minute. *slaps forehead*  But, of course. That's the very reason why Jake wanted to be as far away from NY as possible on May 6. Even though he was there as recently as April 29 being photographed at the Lincoln Center celebrating 50 years of the Film Society. 

Apparently, all Jake needed to skedaddle out of town was a semi-legitimate "reason" that would be related to him "working".  And, true to form, Endeavor was more than willing to provide that excuse. Who cares that promo campaigns for movies are typically scheduled no more than three-four weeks before release to build momentum for the premiere. Paul Rudd, for example, was on Jimmy Fallon on April 25, 2019, just a day before Avengers: Endgame opened. He also talked about how the last three weeks had been a whirlwind of promotion. Hong Kong, New York, Los Angeles, London, New York, Shanghai.

Jake also could have easily promoted Spider-man within the New York-based media market like on Jimmy Fallon or Seth Meyers, instead of scheduling Los Angeles area talk shows like Ellen DeGeneres and Jimmy Kimmel (which he will also be on this Thursday with other cast members). No doubt that is why Jake and Junior appeared from out of nowhere at this Mexican Conque this past weekend, pretty much unannounced. Why? Well because Mexico City is far closer to LA than NY after all. *shakes head*

Oh, and look. Just Jared, Jr. publicity. That's pretty impressive guys. Looks like you've really hit the big time now.

All things considered, it's pretty obvious that Jake literally escaped to the west coast at the very last minute when all the stars were in perfect alignment for him to be at the Met Gala. Zendaya, who lives in California, made time to attend. Choosing not to start her Spider-man promo until the Jimmy Kimmel show on Thursday. Let's review why this was a perfect NY venue for Jake to attend as well.

1) He's been seen in NY most of this year and has been embedded into the Fashion, Fragrance, and Fine Jewelry industries since 2017

2) His fake girlfriend is an Endeavor IMG model

3) In October 2017, Jake became the face of the Calvin Klein fragrance launch for "Eternity"

4) Since 2017, Jake's been "seen" at NY Fashion shows and with fashion designers like Raf Simons and Calvin Klein

5) From September 2017+ Jake has been "photographed" at NYFW

  

6) The Cartier launch in April 2018

                                               Jake Gyllenhaal is the bold new face of Santos de Cartier.

Coupled with everyone being aware that the Met Gala is always on the first Monday in May, Jake and his beard could have easily scheduled around this iconic event as early as last Fall. The added absurdity of he and Tom Holland already beginning to promote Spider-man in Mexico this past weekend when the movie is not even opening until July 2 is just another pre-textual indication that Jake, in no way, wanted to walk that red carpet with "Caribou" Cadieu. The whole thing is rather embarrassing actually. But, this is our Jake in 2019. All fake NY chutzpah, but, not a whole lot of red carpet follow-through.

Late Breaking News:  9:00 p.m. EST   

Met Gala Pink Carpet arrival and the youngest Co-Chair to date, Harry Styles, stunned tonight with elegance and daring, humor and fierceness. And what is Harry's definition of camp? Basically, just having fun with fashion, with no judgment...especially given the way people are today.

We here at Narnia couldn't have said it better, Harry. Thank you for being brave. And for being proud. For just being you. And for caring about others no matter what.

pic sources:  WWD; giphy; Met Gala, Variety, Google Images, Getty Images, NY Times, People Magazine, Just Jared, Jr., Daily Mail