Love, Family, Intimacy for Jake Gyllenhaal - That Sounds About Right

Looks like our guy Jake is trying to establish a new image - that of the family man. In search of that special relationship. 

Jake Gyllenhaal Wishes Someone Would Set Him Up on a Date — If Only We Could Think of Someone https://t.co/pWoiV0wjmm via @POPSUGAR

— Rachel Russo (@RachelTRusso) October 4, 2017

In search of his very own elusive family.  Hmmm.  Looks like he's upp-ing the scavenger hunt, wouldn't you say?  Guess 2007's campaign didn't bode too well.  Let's look back.

"He says he's single now, but he's definitely open to finding the right woman and kids aren't far from his mind either. Here's highlights:

"I'm definitely thinking about that," he says. "Look-the most important job for a man is to find the right woman. It's the best we can do. I thank my father for choosing my mother. She's wonderful in so many ways. And she chose well, too. I've noticed in life that the mother, first, has a primary job-and as a father our job is to pick a caring, smart, mindful woman." - GQ interview, Jan 2007

source  


via GIPHY 




Now, comes news of Round 2 for our guy.  Cologne for the olfactory sensor appeal.  After all, no doubt it helps to smell good to land that "perfect one", right Jake?

Yeehaw!!  So now, is Jake taking his gardening skills to a new level with all of this seed planting?  

"a television campaign set to debut later in October, which will center around themes of romance, love, intimacy and commitment."

Whoa.  I guess our next question might be if we aren't going to be seeing some out-of-nowhere-sprouting with help via a phone's speed dial, are we???  Because it sure sounds like Jake is urgently looking to get started with this family business.


via GIPHY 


Stay tuned!  ;-)


pic sources:  Just Jared
our playlist:  Yes, I'm Ready - Teri DeSario & KC
                     Get Ready - The Temptations
                      Ready for Love - Elton John

Ground Swell: Jake Gyllenhaal's Aquatic Adventure in St. Barts

Ever have that second glance moment of realization?  The kind of encounter that almost sprains the neck when experienced?

Jake Gyllenhaal is continuing his fun vacation with longtime best friend Greta Caruso and they were spotted going for a surfing lesson together! - Just Jared, December 30, 2016

And just in case you would like the pictures set to new age music and placed into an automatic slide show (someone sure had a lot of time on their hands this weekend), here's a YouTube compilation of the whole performance. Ahem... I mean, occurrence. Look! There's Jake and bestie Greta "Speed Dial" Caruso, along with someone who looks like he is acting as a surfing coach for a "newbie" aquaman, Jake Gyllenhaal.

Entertaining though this splashy slide show might be it seems, in retrospect, that maybe Jake might have tripped on a few of his little ones' toys on Christmas day. Perhaps taken a few knocks on his noggin because somehow he appears to have forgotten that he already knew how to surf. ;-)

From 2005 in Hawaii:

And coincidentally enough, a certain very special someone with whom Jake has partaken in many athletic activities before the closet door slammed shut on their relationship, also knows how to surf.  

From bendweekly.com

Today,  Austin Nichols enjoys seeing his name on the labels of millions of Wild Turkey bottles, but doesn't quite share the passion for the spirit with his ancestors. He did learn how to water-ski from his athletic mother, however, and did it well enough to be ranked third in the world and winning three events at the 1997 Pan-American Championships as a member of the U.S. Junior Water-ski Team.

The youngster also learned how to surf from his highly competitive father, although he seldom had the opportunity to test waves in landlocked Austin. He finally upgraded his surfing skills riding the short waves off the Southern California coast while working on a bachelor's degree in English (concentrating on creative writing and literature) at the University of Southern California.

Rather challenging to believe that Jake, who grew up in southern California, right next door to some of the most famous beaches in the world (Surfrider, anyone?) would not have been exposed at some time to the primo, off the wall experience of surfing. Even Big Sis, Maggie knows how to ride a board. And Austin, practically a human with fins, who loves the water and knows how to surf and water ski, would surely have shared that experience with his main squeeze, Jake. Just like Jake shared his love of running and biking with his man.

Back in 2006, TMZ even voted Jake Gyllenhaal the Celebrity Athlete of the year:


"Jake Gyllenhaal spends an incredible amount of time outdoors, doing more athletic activities than any other celebrity since Matthew McConaughey's jock days.  Gyllenhaal's sporty resume includes surfing, biking, baseball, skateboarding... the list is a mile long.

In the last few weeks alone, the active actor spent his days working out and keeping his body in top condition with fellow actors Ryan Phillipe and "Day After Tomorrow" co-star Austin Nichols." 

Looks like we may just have another epic failure on the part of Jake Gyllenhaal's management team. Or, should we say another, "Wipe out?" Remember, rewriting history can be especially hard, when that pesky truth is still hanging around, ripe for the picking.

Happy New Year... and Cowabunga, everyone!

collaborated:  PG and Methodical Muser
pic sources:  Wet Dark & Wild, Just Jared, IHJ, surfrider

our playlist:  Surfin' USA - The Beach Boys
                       Beach Baby - First Class

Michael K Gives a Pearly White Flash - Toothy Tile Style

Once upon a time, Michael K had a bit of a soft spot for Jake Gyllenhaal.  As the years have gone by, his commentaries on Jake not only have grown fewer and far between,  but the words have also come with a nip of habanero sauce.  One could easily tell that Michael K was not quite so beguiled or charmed by Jake and the deeply closeted antics which surrounded him as he grew older.

As some may know, Jake has been photo'd lately in New York City and now St. Bart's with Greta "Speed Dial" Caruso.  The St. Bart's photo op alone consists of 134 files (photos) on 6 pages - what a way to sell a "low-key" Kevin Arnold & Winnie Cooper relationship. Alas, the lavish overkill is really all for naught; nothing to see here, folks, but sand and Coppertone.  ;-)

I feel like we've seen this movie a few thousand times before....

Here's the St. Bart's version of the GyllyPiggyback:

But I digress because we don't want to lose focus over what happened today in Michael K's column. 

OPEN POST:  HOSTED BY JAKE GYLLENHAAL'S HAIRY NIPS IN ST. BART'S
December 28, 2016  / Posted by Michael K

It’s that time of year again when those of you who live where the temperature is January Jones’ Queef  (read: ice ice cold) feel the icicles form around your frozen b-hole while looking at pictures of rich famous bitches frolic in the warm waters somewhere. One of those rich famous bitches who are frolicking in the warm waters is Jake Gyllenhaal who is spending his holiday in St. Barts.

Jake, his beard, his “pandas with jaundice” trunks and his friend (and not in a quotation marks and italics sort of way, she’s an actual friend) Greta Caruso (aka the daughter of David Caruso and Melina from the original Total Recall) were papped yesterday going for a swim in the ocean. Or if celebrities really are just like us, they were papped while taking a piss in the ocean because the bathroom is way too damn far away from their loungers. I’m going with that,  because in a few of the pictures, it looks like Jake’s Clan of the Cave Bear-looking ass is smiling the kind of relieved smile someone does while finally emptying their piss bag. And as he’s doing that, Greta is probably screaming, “Eww, Toothy Tile, aim thattaway, it’s hitting my leg!”
source 

Ouch! and a big, eye-popping whoa!!!  Not only is Michael K clearly not happy with Jake, he just outed him as one of the most famous blind items ever ... Toothy Tile.  And who is Toothy Tile?  He's a deeply closeted Hollywood actor made famous by gossip columnist Ted Casablanca in 2005. Toothy fell in love and married a fellow actor, dubbed Grey Goose (aka Austin Nichols).  According to "Ted-lore", Toothy Tile and Grey Goose settled down and are raising a secret family away from public scrutiny, in a Hollywood-style happily ever after.
   

collaborated:  Prairie Girl and Methodical Muser  
pic source:  IHJ, Daily Mail
our playlist:  Life's a Beach - Heymous Molly
                     Island Girl - Elton John