It's A Small World After All: Bearding and Theme Park Capers

Gooooal! This past Saturday, a heated exchange took place on the soccer field between one of the world's greatest footballers in the game, Real Madrid player, Cristiano Ronaldo and Atletico midfielder, Koke (Jorge Resurreccion Merdio). As usual, Cristiano let his spectacular play do the talking throughout the match, including a hat-trick, ensuring his team remained on top of La Liga, 3-0. But, Koke, frantic with frustration at being outplayed at every turn, allegedly hurled homophobic slurs at Ronaldo. At one point, reportedly calling him a "f*ggot". Instead of ignoring the claim, or slinging a curse word in response, Cristiano was said to be defiant and direct. The gist of his comeback being that he might be a f*ggot, but he was a very rich one. 

Headlines exploded about the incident, ranging from Cristiano Ronaldo 'targeted by homophobic abuse' to Cristiano Ronaldo called "a gay slur.' Splashy though the captions were, it was how Cristiano's public relations team met the onslaught of publicity that revealed their state of mind as well as their immediate priority: damage control:

Cristiano Ronaldo puts on a smitten display with stunning new girlfriend Georgina Rodriguez as he goes incognito at Disneyland Paris. 

Interestingly enough, Ronaldo was not the only one seen in Paris 

this week.  For some reason, Ricky Regufe, his "manager" and 

"special friend," seemed to be nearby as well.

 

Only this time Ricky was nowhere near Ronaldo. At least, not 

publicly. Rather he was seen with his own companion, who just 

happened to be of the female persuasion as well. Both seemingly 

enjoying a "hush-hush" romantic respite that mysteriously was 

uploaded to Instagram to capture the occasion. What an incredible 

coincidence, don't you think?

That Eiffel tower in the background really provides a nice touch.

Along with the spotless table setting and the two wine glasses 

which inexplicably seem to be filled to the same exact level. Truly 

that's the kind of organic, perfect moment that really makes a 

coupley compatibility statement. Don't let her go Ricky. That 

woman looks like she may be The One to me!  

Now, some might protest and insist that the impressively timed 

Disneyland Paris sighting was not staged at all. That surely some 

lucky tourist just happened to recognize a "disguised" Ronaldo and 

for some reason wanted to take a pile of pics to show the folks

back home -- "spontaneous" moments that appeared to capture a 

smitten heterosexual couple enjoying the amorous ambiance of 

Mickey Mouse at the Happiest Place on Earth. I don't know 

about you, but there is something wildly erotic sounding about that 

spinning Crush's Coaster.  A whirlpool of adventure that I'm sure 

is the kind of stuff true dreams are made of.

Of  course, others might get a tad suspicious, when they find out 

that TMZ rolled back the contents of their own article, which 

curiously enough just appeared on their website today, with a bit of 

revision. According to TMZ, Cristiano and the girlfriend sighting 

actually took place "last week" before the Koke-Cristiano ecounter 

had even occurred.  Nothing to see here. PR is not trying to react to 

gay rumors by forcing their client into an awkward, high profile  

public situation right after he is caught openly admitting that he 

was gay during Saturday's game. 

Then again, it is odd that the infamous TMZ 'Breaking News' 

outlet would wait until today (nearly a week) to post a story that is 

portrayed as not being news at all. Hey, maybe Harvey Levin's 

crew needed some extra time in the ol' photo lab darkroom to 

process those "candid" Disney shots, right?

Surely a professional public relations and media management

team would not be so lame, unimaginative and frankly

homophobic to treat the public like a bunch of gullible saps 

who will believe anything that's fed to them by the powers that be.  

Moreover, why go to the absurd length of placing a client in a 

theme park setting with a reported "girlfriend" just to counter some 

"harmless" gay gossip.   We are sold the belief that adult people 

don't act that way when there's nothing to hide.  Followed by the 

reminder that we are in the 21st century people. No one has to be 

in the closet any longer. 

If Management is not the problem then someone else must be to 

blame for these ridiculous conspiracy theories. How about those 

darn, largely female, pesky tinhatters who just won't see reality and 

choose to ruin friendships, instead of minding their own business.  

A bunch of deranged fans, trying to "force" a sexuality on perfectly

straight guys is where the  real problem lay. [At this point,  

snark is very much intended.]

If only there was an observable pattern we could turn to for reference. Maybe something similar we could identify to justify our suspicion. One or two examples that might suggest we just might be on to something. Let's see....

June 22, 2012 – Disneyland (Louis Tomlinson and “girlfriend” Eleanor Calder)

J-14 excerpt:  “From romantic Disneyland excursions to ski vacations, they did romance extremely well. But for her 20th birthday, the 1D singer planned an epic series of gifts and also presented her with a cake of the two of them in front of Cinderella's castle at Disneyland.”

June 29, 2012 - Universal Studios (Minus Harry Styles, the other half of Larry Stylinson)

Daily Mirror excerpt:  “Harry wasn't there - maybe because he'd been to a Coldplay concert the night before. The curly haired heart-throb (yeah, we went there) posted a picture of the gig on his Twitter the same day the rest of the band were at Universal Studios. Hmm, could there be a rift?”

January 9, 2014 – Disneyland, Paris Zayn Malik and “girlfriend” Perrie Edwards

Daily Mail Online excerpt: “After venturing into the park, Zayn and Perrie were seen posing in front of the most romantic of all Disney symbols - the Sleeping Beauty Castle.”

July 2, 2015 – Disney World, Florida Liam Payne and “girlfriend” Sophia Smith

Heat World excerpt:  “The 1D member and his girlfriend, Sophia Smith, looked well lovey dovey at Disney World Florida this week. They clearly couldn't help GOOFY-ing around too.”

 

 
Case closed. Nothing to see here. Nothing at all.  Sure there seems to be a pattern of celebrities who are rumored to be gay and in the closet strategically showing up at theme parks with high profile "girlfriends" (I'm talking to you too Ryan Gosling and Eva Mendes). But, that's just a random coincidence, right?  *wink*


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