Showing posts with label The Iron Orchard. Show all posts
Showing posts with label The Iron Orchard. Show all posts

Thursday, March 28, 2019

Austin Nichols' No Show Career: How To Avoid Promotion Work in Ten Easy Lessons



Back in late February of this year, Austin Nichols' film The Iron Orchard was opening in theaters, first in the state of Texas, followed by other markets.  The cast appeared at the premiere in Ft Worth on Feb 23, followed by additional screenings and Q & A's.  And we at Narnia know that just like Big Sis' movie Kindergarten Teacher, by now it feels like these two films have been premiered, screened, promo'd, Q & A'd and shown for about five years!  

 But Austin and beard Chumley (Hassle "Hassie" Harrison), who both star in the film, have been rather selective about which promotional event they've attended.  Chumley has had some filming of her series Tacoma FD, Instagram posts to work up, and selfies to pose for.  And Austin....well, Austin poses with and holds her dog a lot.

 So while their film The Iron Orchard was opening in theaters and premiering in Texas the weekend of Feb 22, looks like this is what we're to believe Austin and Chumley felt like doing rather than being in Texas with their co-stars, working the screenings and carpets:
 


 

Here's some of their co-stars posing at the premiere, Feb 22:



Star Lane Garrison posted that Midland, Texas even proclaimed the day "The Iron Orchard Day":




And again, allegedly the 23rd, the next day:
Somewhere in the U.S.A.....Austin and...you know who.  

 And then the first kicker.  

 Here's Austin promoting The Iron Orchard, we assume, on February 25.  At least that is what the Los Angeles television station KTLA seems to be telling us.   So Austin does lend his voice for promotion.



An interview where Austin proceeds to tell the interviewer how he is a native of Austin, TX and it was awesome to be able to film in his native state....

And he relays this from Los Angeles.  Three days later.

via GIPHY 


On the 27th, Austin's twitter account (if you wish to believe this was Austin himself, then he's referring to himself in the 3rd person):


 
And then to top things off, three days ago on March 25, Chumley DID make it to Texas for some promo work.  For her television show!  And where was Austin?  Well, we're not sure.  But he wasn't in Texas. 

So, there you go, folks.  The anatomy of Operation Slough Off.  

 Aka, hubs Jake has 8pm shows on Friday nights and double shows on Saturday and Sundays in New York City.  And Austin has kid duty as part of that deal.

Sometimes it's never more clear that Austin and Jake are still together, doing that family raising thing, than when Austin has pulled another no-show.

 And the no-show at The Iron Orchard theater opening celebrations on his home turf state was about as glaring as the shine off of Isaac Hayes' scalp.

;-)

 pic sources:  giphy, tenor, socialbuzzhive, movieguy247
our playlist:  Go Where You Wanna Go - Fifth Dimension
                     I'm Not Your Man - Tommy Conwell & The
                                                         Young Rumblers
                     Lazy Day - Spanky & Our Gang
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Tuesday, February 26, 2019

A Little Tale of Jake & Austin: The Sacrifices of a Parent




Good evening, folks!  Say hi to Chewy ^^ up there.  He's going to join us for this Narnia post and look at him, he's already contemplating and we haven't even started yet!  C'mon Chewy.  You're going to love what we have tonight. Soak it in.

• So after the If There Is, I Haven't Found It Yet "Jake caught in L.A." debacles and the "Sunday in the Park With George " Jake caught in upstate western NY (coffee) and Michigan (tacos) debacles, this time around the fellas have had to lie even more low than usual. But last week, it was the lack of activity which revealed as much than if Jake had been sighted purchasing Happy Meals at a Michigan McDonald's.  Because Jakers' calendar for February and March has been solidly taken care of. He has double shows on weekends and his only 'off' days are Mondays.  Such a tight schedule wouldn't seem to allow for cross-country travel for quick nookie or catching up on Baby Tile woes.  Skype has probably been burning up the cyber waves. ;-)

So what about Austin during these two months that Jake's show Sealife / A Wall has been going on in New York City? Well, except for some Instagram Stories showing Austin holding Chumley's little spiffy dog in various venues, he's been out of sight. 

Remember The Iron Orchard,  the Texas oil flick where Austin allegedly met his beard, Chumley, (aka Hassle "Hassie" Harrison) and was filmed last summer?  On Wed, Feb 20, a movie premiere was held in Ft Worth, followed by several other held Q & A's and finally, Texan theater openings beginning on Friday, Feb 22.  In this photo deck from the film's Instagram account, you can see a nice stage shot from the Ft Worth premiere. But looking through this photo deck below (just click on the small arrow on the right), it looks like Austin is missing!

 

Interesting, isn't it? Austin was nowhere to be seen last week, nor was Chumley.  Even though it doesn't look like he was working on another project, a commitment which could've been deemed valid enough reason for being unable to attend any of the Q & A's or premiere celebrating the theater openings.  What an opportunity to "come home" to Texas and help promo his film, wouldn't it seem?   Instead, it was

 

but for a couple of promo tweets which had all of the originality of an intern's work. Here was one of them:


 

And where was Big Sis during this time?  Well, she was nowhere to be seen, EXCEPT for this story which dominated her social media search:


 

What timing!

Now, on Monday morning 2/25, a new video of Austin appeared on Twitter via a television news station in......Los Angeles - KTLA.  Hmmm...


Which, according to Narnia's way of thinking.....means Austin hasn't been anywhere near LA.  LOL!  Because if he has time to appear on a news station in LA to plug his movie, why didn't he have time to attend some of the Q & A's last week in Texas?















Now this wasn't the first time this being promo MIA has occurred for Austin.  Back in September 2013, Jake was in the midst of heavy promotion for Prisoners.  Jake was everywhere, bromancing it up with Hugh Jackman, accepting bouquets of flowers and getting his derrière fondled during premiere photos. ;-)   Look what I found in my photo folders!  Guess where it was?  In the "Mearding" folder. #facepalm  Check out ol' Hugh here getting frisky. This was on September 6, 2013 at the Toronto Film Festival premiere of Prisoners.

Also on Friday, September 6, Austin's movie Parkland was premiering at the Toronto Film Festival.  

Wow, an opportunity for Austin to go to the Toronto Film Festival and hang with billiards pal Zac Efron and other co-stars Paul Giamatti, Billy Bob Thornton, Colin Hanks, and others.  These kinds of opportunities don't just happen every day for Austin.  

But alas.....no Austin at TIFF that year.  Looks like he must have drawn the short straw and needed to stay home with the kiddos.

Austin may wear the big pants in the Jaustin household, but when it comes to the career side of things, looks like Jake just may "trump" Austin. 

These are two large miscues by Jake and Austin's people, or is it rather that this is a decision made by the couple in the interest of their children?  Do they try to have at least one of them with the kids if possible, save for any romantic we-time trips for two? 

It's hard to say.  With Jake and Austin though, it's not always what or who or when we see them, it can be when we don't see them that is the most telling.

Maybe next time, Big Guy.  


pic sources:  crasstalk, austinnicholsfan, giphy, IHJ
our playlist:  I Live For Your Love - Natalie Cole
                     Miss You Like Crazy - Natalie Cole
                     This Will Be (An Everlasting Love) - Natalie Cole
                     

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Saturday, November 3, 2018

Unsportsmanlike Conduct and Flagrant Fouls for This Famous OTP




October ended in a two week flurry of yellow flags for Narnia's two kings of Sham, Jake Gyllenhaal and Austin Nichols, along with the former's go-to guest star beard, "bestie," Greta Caruso.  Given the guys' obvious need of attention, Narnia would like to permanently document their antics in that special way we like to do.  ;-)

Let's roll the highlight reel for Jake Gyllenhaal over the last several weeks.  First off, Management obviously felt that there was a need for a renewal of the periodic meme that "Jake lives in New York City". Therefore, once again,  we see Jake's tush squished into canvas director chairs repeatedly, with various interviewers, bland back drops, and muffled questions captured on video.  Mostly Instagram-based activity, but somehow attendees were able to capture limited footage of mearding moments like this one.










I love these two together!! Thank you @jesssmarza for the videos and the scoop on the Q&A. She highly recommends this movie, agreeing with what I have heard that it is worthy of an Oscar! @theacademy - - - Jake with @wildlifethefilm director Paul Dano ~ The movie is out now and everyone is loving it!! It will be RELEASED in cities across the country, just check out the link in their ig or mine to find tickets 🎥 🍿- - - 👉👉👉From rogerebert.com 💻 “This is an accomplished, moving piece of filmmaking, one that cares about its characters and trusts its performers. It comes from a relatively old school of dramatic storytelling but connects emotionally because of Dano’s tender, confident work and what he’s able to draw from two of the best performers of their generation.” - - - [Jake at a Q&A for “Wildlife” in NYC on 10.26.18.] - - - #jakegyllenhaal #photooftheday #weightlossjourney #bae #bromance #movies #chrispratt #ootd #streetstyle #drama #film #mood #healthylifestyle #actor #actorslife #aboutlastnight #jakevideo #foodie #mancrusheveryday #ladygaga #nyc #newyorkcity #newyorklife #funnymemes #spiderman #dope #goals #kindness #instadaily

A post shared by Jake Gyllenhaal (@jakeovereverything) on
 

In other words, very controlled glimpses of Jake designed to send certain PR constructed messages.

jakebullshittingovereverybody credits (for once!) someone named Jessica Marza for the video, although if you check out Ms. Marza's Instagram, there are no videos or pictures from the Q & A on her account; in fact, she only has 22 posts.  Another post credits (gasp!) someone called "ihavedepressionsis" for their pictures, but alas, their account is privated. Darn the luck.   Yet another post credits @photojuice, but if you look at their instagram account, they only shared a photo of Bill Camp from one of the Q & A's, but none of Jake.  Just sort of interesting sources...

Then there was the Headstrong Project Annual Gala which has been held around the date of Baby Tile's birthday for the last three years in a row. What a coincidence - said no one at Narnia, lol.  Not when one of the Tiles' birthday is on Oct. 17th and an event such as this can be used to try to prove Jake couldn't possibly have any children because what parent would step out on any possible celebratory festivities? 

2016 - Monday, Oct 16
2017 - Tuesday, Oct 17
2018 - Thursday, Oct 18 

 Here's Jake on October 18 at the "New York Gala"... at where else, but New York City,



Supposedly, on the 29th, the recurring lonesome stroll around Tribeca on a deserted sidewalk via People.com. Funny how NY is one of the most crowded international cities in the world, yet the moment Jake appears, everyone seems to scatter. LOLLLLL!


Here's a "livestream" uploaded on YouTube back on the 15th.


Crickets on October 17, Baby Tile #1's birthday.

via GIPHY 

 MORE Q & A's the weekend of Oct 26 with matching beanies and enabling participant, Ben Stiller.




Warning! Warning! Fake posing directly up ahead.  And how do we know shenanigans are afoot?  Well, when tweets like this appear and pictures are posted on jakebullshittingovereverybody highlighting the "snoozing", staging and propping are surely going on.


 

More empty sidewalk strolls  #WheresLeo, #shorts, #muffler, #wintercap, #noshowsocks.

Contradictions regarding appropriate weather attire abound here, don't you think? Is it Spring, Summer Winter, or Fall?  Well, Jake is a man for all seasons after all. Always prepared, like the boy scout we know he is. *smirk*

And with all that, we're still not done yet. Jake's last several public weeks of October ended with a loudly trumpeted "platonic" NBA game outing with his "bestie", aka speed dial beard, Greta Caruso.   While the likes of the enabling ubiquitous Gyllenhaal Instagrammer jakebullshittingovereverybody, Just Jared, and the Daily Fail loudly bull-horned that the daughter of actor David Caruso is just a long-time, platonic, pal and bestie.....

 "longtime friend",

 "longtime BFF"

"longtime pal"
"and his bestie"

But in that characteristic Daily Fail way, they couldn't resist just a bit of "hmmm" with the whispering reference.  LOL!

 So lots of "Riccolo" shouting of "longtime pal," "BFF," and did I mention "longtime," planted comments of "girlfriend?" and emphatic reminders of  being"friends,"

and yet...........

and yet...........

you have this,


Along with a zoom lens shot of Jake sniffing Caruso's foundation and moisturizer where her attire seems to be slipping (LOL), aka a common trait of a Hollywood beard which is stepping out the door with skin-bearing bearding attire,


and the "find someone who looks at you the way etc., etc." shot,this time Greta carrying out her half of the deal......


The kiss cam moment without the smooch, but another dose of "bestie" and "best friend goals" captions.


Let's put it this way, I Heart Jake and Instagram could have saved a lot of cyber space had they simply posted this single live look at Mr. Jakey,



LOL!  Whadya think?  When one needs to have a beard, yet doesn't want to sign that piece of paper.....wants to sell the hetero, yet doesn't want to actually extend themselves on the PDA and date nights....when one wants to tease "Are they??.....or aren't they....", but yet doesn't want flagrant headlines on the internet for one of the multitude of Baby Tiles to find.....Well, one makes sure all of the press releases insist upon "bestie" and "long time pal", but uses pictures like these to lure viewers into seeing that "little something extra", only to wonder later if they had seen what they thought they were seeing.  In other words, interpretation and any possible accusation of "Well, you're the one who sees something that isn't there!" falls into the lap of the fan, not Jake or Greta for leading viewers on.  See how that works?
 

Remember, a picture is worth a thousand words without actually having to move the lips.

Again, this narrative in the Nets/Warriors pictures is classic, Grade A taunting.

But, speed dialing Jake wasn't done yet. Following the Brooklyn Nets photo op, we saw Jake throwing a screening party for another go-to, Big Sis Maggie in New York City,


 Pictures which were quite similar to these same pics from the NYC premiere on Oct 10,
The common trait of a Hollywood beard again, an abundance of bare female skin, hey even if it's your sibling! ;-)

Another message sent in Jake's OTT displays is gavel'ed in this Instagram caption by the Management run site - 

"family over everything..."

- not his own family because to the general public, they are nonexistent, right?   But this caption refers to his family which consists of Maggie and her daughters. Not even matriarch Naomi because we do not see her anymore; she's only mentioned in interviews.  Nor does "his family" refer to Peter any longer, because we don't see Jake and Peter together, something about a ping pong table and keying a car, disintegrating marriage, etcetera etcetera. The threesome of Jake, Maggie and Peter couldn't even manage to take a photo together for her New York City premiere.

 On the 29th through the 31st, a new meme robot began linking Jake to fellow WME/Endeavor artist Rami Malek, who had a stunt, I mean negative encounter with a fan.  What has followed has been an endless loop of pleasant tweets such as the following:









Likely a scheme to link two WME/Endeavor clients together and also stuff Jake's social media timelines with content while he traveled to be with his real, but hidden family in Texas. Remember, robot tweets are often distractions, giving Jake cover as he travels to where he's not supposed to be seen. Filling up his search with nonsense, in case a real sighting leaks through.

Let's end this walk down memory lane with a parting shot of Jake's crowning October exit, complete with mearding, bearding, gaslighting, and taunting. A Quadfecta, if you will.

Yup, yup, yup.  That's pretty much it.  Although not too much to write home about.

And so let's move on to Jake's better half, Mr. Austin, and the last several weeks of his October comings and goings.  As had been noted in a recent post, we know that Austin was in Atlanta the weekend prior to Halloween.  There were a couple of rare video interviews that came out of the convention, something Austin Nichols fans are unfamiliar with, but when they happen, it seems as though parades and confetti are in order.  ;-)

  Then there was this one,

Wow!  Amazing.  We go years without interviews and in one weekend, we had two. Austin fans were feasting!

Following the Atlanta convention, Austin bull horned that he had motored on to his namesake hometown, Austin TX, for there was a film festival to attend - the Austin Film Festival. In case of any doubt or skepticism, an abundance of Instagram Stories were posted on social media to show he was indeed in the Big T.  A funny thing happened along the way -  something from Atlanta accompanied Austin to his hometown, this particular travel companion popping up in video and camera captures over and over and over.  Sort of like that NFL penalty, right?  Hands to the face, this author believes it is called.  

It all seemed to start back on October 13 with his bumblehead, I mean beard, Hassle "Hassie" Harrison:


 

With his right hand frequently visible in convention photos with arms around the shoulders of fans, holding microphones in interviews, and motioning in conversation, and a noticeable increase in his own social media, the plain gold band was hard to miss.


 


 

Can't....miss....the....


 
This is a fun interview, although again.  With the ring, Austin.



Ref, can we get another flag over here?

Even via the tight closet enabling bro-in-law Rowdy, whose Instagram remains locked up but thanks to another enabling, I mean fan account, we the public, were somehow privy to the innards of the Stovall household and flash of the ring,

Can't.....see....
from the glare of that ring...

Sorry, Ebenezer!!  But yes, hard to ignore, hard to dismiss...not to mention we haven't seen Austin wearing a ring since the old, old days of Big Blue, so that dates back to the early Toothy Tile and Grey Goose era. 


With planted Instagram comment exchanges between the loved-up Mr. Nichols and Hassle, like "Hurry home to me" and "Homesick, homesick, homesick"  (is that in any way related to "No no no no no no!"? Just asking!), the idea of Austin growing a renegade, wild hair and giving a public husband shout-out would be extremely misguided.   

Gaslighting?  Taunting? Oh, definitely possible.  When a thick, gold band ring is practically rubbed into the camera lens as often and as conspicuously obvious as Austin has been doing, no doubt the gesture is intended to elicit a reaction of some sort.  

Is it a possible a planted seed?  Despite Jake still downplaying his Mysterio role in Spiderman: Far From Home, make no mistake, this will be his most highly visible role since Prince of Persia.  Take this prelude, for example:


Jake's character Mysterio is going to be on a limited edition series of Dr. Pepper bottles.  This is going to be a big tent-pole, blockbuster movie role for Jake, the likes he hasn't seen since Prince of Persia some ten years ago.  With Marvel and Sony combining forces at the helm and opening over the July 4 holiday, it will just about be guaranteed a large audience.
Apart from Spider-Man himself, you can't really get more "major" than the character who will likely serve as Far From Home's main villain. - via Cinema blend


That sounds pretty big, doesn't it?  And given Jake's aversion to bearding...well, let's just say someone has to step up to the plate.  Is the ring a roll-out to a fake marriage for Austin and Hassle?  Quite possible. 

 Tent-pole flick.  Marvel.  Spiderman.  DC universe.  Product endorsements.  Comic Cons.  Tom Holland piggy-back rides  (Sorry Paul Dano! Sorry lobster Riz! You two will be yesterday's news, we're afraid.). 

 Sony.  WME/Endeavor.

 Those last two words are the final two words in that check list of how big and important this movie role is going to be for Jake.  If there will be a sacrifice lifted up to the bearding gods, it won't be him.  It will be Austin.

 Because when he can't even attend a full sporting event when bearding, well, let's say Jake's already shown he doesn't possess an A-game.  In these NBA video highlights from that game on October 28 which range from the beginning of the 1st quarter and scan the crowd back and forth through the 2nd, Jake and Greta Caruso don't show up in their seats until possibly 8+ minutes remaining in the third quarter.  If you wish to watch for yourself, their seats are on your viewing left at the end of the court (that's right, not even prime court status, sorry Jakers!).  You can see the young man in all-white who was sitting to Jake's left.  He is there throughout the entire highlights.  We don't see Jake and his beard until the reel hits around the 8:28 mark.  LOL!!!!  Too hilarious. 




Perhaps the cab driver was going to sit outside with the meter running.   Aaaah, the little things one finds when one is on lunch break......

And so that was the October of Jake and Austin, quite the display, wasn't it?  For right now, hoopla and antics have died down.  Game over. Shhhhhhh....the babes are all asleep...


That is, until the next upcoming birthday.
;-)


 Collaboration - PG and M&M
pic sources:  gfycat, giphy, SB nation, Broncos Message Boards,
                     IHJ, You Tube, Daily Mail, OK Magazine
our playlist:  Fire with Fire - Kansas
                     Flames of Paradise -Jennifer Rush & Elton John
                     We Don't Have to Take Our Clothes Off - Jermaine
                         Stewart
                     Mmm mmm mmm mmm - TheCrash Test Dummies                

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