Showing posts with label Cockles. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Cockles. Show all posts

Wednesday, July 10, 2019

Narnia Said It Would Be So: The Jake Gyllenhaal/Junior "Tom" Holland Romance Pt. 2


Part 1

Oh no, Marvel, Sony and WME/Endeavor weren't done yet, not even after the intentional smooch whiff.  With the aid of social media accounts like the reliable ones which provide play-by-play, fans won't miss a single squeal. Such as this freeze frame moment capturing yet another "almost kiss" which took place over in South Korea at a fan event/fan meet/fanfest (depending on who you read):




Aaah yes, gaslighting at its utmost peak. And the kisspering:




The "coquettish" flirting.  Holland going a wee bit OTT in this one:



https://fyeahspiderman.tumblr.com/post/186088177438/i-can-name-some-good-jake-gyllenhaal-films
 
I thought he had always wanted to work with Jake? He's "always been on the list" of actors he's wanted to work with? But he can't name a movie Jake has been in.  Sudden amnesia?  




And embellishing with the "best buds on and off the screen":


https://todorokiscute.tumblr.com/post/186116959683/that-was-so-cute-wtf
 

Again, carbon copied from Cockles, the ship name for the fake romantic relationship of Jensen Ackles and his hired meard, Misha Collins.














Interesting, isn't it, the intense hyperfocus and marketing angle of this movie?

This has been just a small sampling of this particular method of selling Far From Home.  Make no mistake about it though, the initial reviews are great, the fans are enjoying the movie immensely, and most importantly the box office has been top notch.  Jake is getting very positive reaction and this is nice to see for the breadwinner in the family.  The financial rewards hopefully will be beneficial in the long-run because with a spouse who is a stay-at-home parent and plenty of health insurance premiums and college funds to support, the Gyllynichols family needs the economic security.

And for anyone hoping this movie promo of Jake's would be free and clear of any other eyebrow raising and second glances, wellllllll....maybe next time.  LOL!

Let's take a look at some of the other "quirks" of this campaign:

• The social media marketing campaign on behalf of Jake's neck chain. What was that about?
























And when Page Six gets involved...


 
Obviously, the chain is meant to be noticed and pondered about. Narnia will not grace the stunt with a hashtag label. We'll let Jezebel spend time on the investigation.  Yes, they really wrote this:

 "Jezebel has reached out to representatives for Gyllenhaal and will update this post if we hear back about the chain."

• And then, there were the beards.  According to the Instagram account of "Chumley" aka Austin Nichols' beard, actress Hassie Harrison; she was allegedly in attendance at Jaker's L.A. premiere on June 26.



• Not only that, but Jake's beard, Jeanne "Caribou" Cadieu was at the Far From Home L.A. premiere as well! 

 
















Since the Swiss cheese holes are too large to miss on this scenario, we have got to pause and spend a few minutes on this one.  Jake/Austin's team have been trying for awhile now to sell the idea that Austin and Chumley have been in NYC hanging with Jake and Cadieu, partying it up, and giving cheek pecks and shout outs to each other on their social media.  [Management's strategy trying to show that hey! Jake and Austin hang.  They're chill.  No longer f-buddies, but they are cool at being the "still friends bro" thing.]  And yet....yet we don't see any pictorial evidence of Austin at the premiere on June 26.  Only that the day before (allegedly) he was wearing plaid and cutting mangos, according to his Instagram. That guy sure is busy:


Nor do we see Austin commenting on Chumley's Instagram post, maybe to give her a dog sitting update or asking how the hors d'oeuvres were at the after-party.  We also don't see the two gal pals, Chumley and Cadieu hanging together at the premiere! Nor do we see Cadieu anywhere near Jakers!  Not even getting back into her car in the parking lot across from the Chinese Theater after the show as we saw her do at the alleged "breakfast outing with friends".  Narnia has to say that's pretty darn lazy, er - curious....


Instead, Jake's team and Marvel felt this should be the hyperfocus of the evening:

 Matching shoes -

Matching styles and cosplaying as the Roxbury Guys (this one was a very large meme in Jake's social media) -

and of course, the "mah husband" meme -




• Wasn't there just a teeny, eensie-weensie bit of irony in the big cheese Marvel sponsor for the Los Angeles Red Carpet premiere, being the car manufacturer Audi, maker of the infamous Q7?



Got some of us misty-eyed as we remembered the family truckster™!  Directly below is Jake in 2012 with one of his two Q7's.



•  Jake and Junior getting an early wild hair to go to Mexico City to start promo in early May while Austin allegedly "parties it up" with Chumley and enablers like actress Jaime King and an actor by the name of Scott Porter, formerly of Friday Night Lights.



Following Mexico City, Jake jetted across the United States, bypassing New York City and popped up in Los Angeles to make an appearance on The Ellen Show while the fashion industry's Met Ball Gala was going on in the Big Apple.  Sorry, Model Cadieu, Jake not available for the big ball bash.  ;-)


 
And then Jimmy Kimmel on the 9th:


 
• This was followed by a trip to Beijing, China involving only Jake, Holland and the director Jon Watts.  





On June 17, we saw activity in London, UK:


And the courtin' began!

 
Sometimes in fandoms, there seem to be a few fan accounts who enjoy showing everyone their extraordinary and fortuitous "chance" encounters with celebrities; this familiar one met Jakers for the third time. [how lucky is that?!] The "meeting" below allegedly taking place while he was in London, Jun 17.


Still in London on June 21,


 

Headed home on the 23rd! So six (6) days in London for movie promo.  Holland made the announcement on his Instagram.



The younger set (Holland, Zendaya and Jacob Batalon) showed up at the Empire State Building in NYC, an event advertised as Stars of Spiderman: Far From Home Light the Empire State Building #ESBright promotion as well as for The Brothers Trust.  Jake??? Promo?  BFF's family foundation?  Nowhere to be seen. Even though we are to believe that NYC is his home. You would have thought that he might want to stop by his apartment to say hello to Leo?


 
Instead, on the same day, Jake showed that his car had broken off from the train and he showed up in Playa Vista, CA at the Yahoo Studios!

 
And on June 26 at the big Los Angeles premiere, Jake is showcasing a pretty sun tanned complexion at the Far From Home premiere.

 
Versus his miraculous return to a pale pallor when he is seen leaving and arriving in Seoul, South Korea for the "fan fest fan meeting fan event" several days later. 





and then leaving Seoul:


Just rather interesting from a continuity standpoint anyway, anyone else find it curious?  ;-)

 • The bizarre travel pattern and itinerary of the minimal promotion for Far From Home.  Mexico City in early May.  (NYC at the Tony's on June 9) Beijing, China June 11.  London on June 17. Los Angeles premiere on June 27. Then Seoul, S. Korea days later. Let's look at Jake's travels as portrayed through social media.

 Miles from New York City to Beijing, China.










Beijing to London. 










London to Los Angeles.










Los Angeles to Seoul Korea.










And even though Beijing, China is less than 600 miles from Seoul, South Korea (literally right next door) we are led to believe that Jake and Junior flew over 5000 miles to London from Beijing and then decided to fly from LA to S. Korea at the end of promo. So much for caring about their carbon footprint.

Beijing, China to Seoul, South Korea.










591 miles?  2 hours?  Who planned this itinerary, anyway?


• Very interesting quote from Jakers during the premiere red carpet.  Who was he referring to when he stammered about said "there are a couple of Gyllenhaal's here tonight"?  Big Sis Maggie has been reported to be back in NYC working on her HBO creative outlet show.  The matriarch? Isn't she generally referred to as Naomi Foner, no longer technically being a Gyllenhaal anyway?  The patriarch? Well, no pictures surfaced showing Jake's father there.  Not that he couldn't have been there or his step-brother.  Hmmm...Watch this video snippet and remember it, I'm just tellin' ya.

Who were you talking about, Jakers???  Was there one or two of the Baby Tiles wandering around the grounds, not wanting to miss this momentous occasion, complete with Macy's T-giving sized Spidey balloons and Papa on the big screen?  And if there was a Baby Tile(s), then Dad Nichols was going to be there.

They are not going to miss out on such an event.  Of course, Jake can't acknowledge them and while Dad was inside, pulling out the wallet to pay for the popcorn, Papa was outside talking up "being in a straight up romance" with his co-star.


 

Okayyyyy...

Teasers have been mentioned to the press already that Mysterio could be set to appear in one or more future Spiderman movies, so perhaps there will be opportunities for other panderings to come to fruition, if you know what we mean.

•  Speaking of which, during early promo, there was the whole confusion of how to label Jake's character to Peter Parker (Holland's character)

"Cool uncle" - director Jon Watts


Then he corrected himself,

 "Big Brother/little brother" - Jon Watts

 "I probably should’ve said cool older brother because saying ‘uncle’ is such a hot-buttonword in Peter Parker’s universe,” Watts says. “He’s had some bad uncle experiences." - EW

 But then....the movie promo...
https://nubaerj.tumblr.com/post/186137049447/jake-and-tom-kissing-wowww

 Riiiiight, Watts. 

• And two last Gyllenbullets.  Memorial Day holiday promo. It's not surprising, I mean it's interesting that on May 27, Holland appeared in Bali, Indonesia for the Pan Asian Media Summit (see, this one actually had an official name! lol) and as Just Jared said, "took a ton of pics with a ton of fans".   But Jake?  Donde esta Jake? Well, we don't know where he was. But let's put it this way. On May 9, he appeared on The Jimmy Kimmel show with other Far From Home cast members.  On May 31 is when he was "spotted" on that hinky breakfast outing with his beard Cadieu allegedly in attendance.  But, from May 9 to May 31......hmmmmm...

Well, wherever he was, it wasn't in Bali with his new "husband".

And Austin?  What was Austin doing on May 27? (we apologize for this "information" in advance!  Viewer discretion is advised.)


 

 lol.  Enough said.

 • Without even being familiar with Tom Holland's fandom, these two Instagram posts were interesting with the comments "love this look" and "love his look", indicating a change of some sort and was it the spectacles?  Is it possible the more-frequently-worn spectacles were to aid Holland in looking older next to Jake?





At the opposite end of the spectrum, it would appear that Jake was looking more "trimmed back" in follicle areas than he has for the last several years for that more "sleek" appearance.  Perhaps the wardrobe and PR teams were busy trying to narrow that age gap between the two in order to be able to sell the romance without it being a tad curious.

Part 3 continues here
  

pic sources:  Young Post, The Dispatch, giphy, IHJ, Jezebel,
                     IHeartJake, fanpop, Just Jared
 

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Sunday, May 26, 2019

Step Up to the JIBCon Bar - Denials for Everyone!



Sometimes in fandom, we may knowingly partake in a bit of offered Kool-Aid, whether it be longtime folklore, endearing qualities that never seem to be outgrown, or behavior that can be chalked up to "Oh, that's just the way they are".  We may even acknowledge that we know we're drinking fandom Kool-Aid, but it's only an occasional swig and fairly harmless to our digestive systems.  We just shake our head and wish that we could either turn back the clock to when times were more pure, or back to when we were more innocent, which was kind of a nice place to be.

However, with all nostalgia aside, what happens when the Kool-Aid begins to be fermented to the point where it could be more accurately referred to as Trigger-Ade instead?  Last weekend at the ever-hot mess that is Jus in Bello (aka JibCon), the Supernatural convention held in Rome, Italy, "the drink" was flowing alright.  Both literally and metaphorically.  And it was not pretty.

 Just for kicks, I thought it would be interesting to open up the photo album and look at a few memories from years past.  It looks like the first JibCon was held in 2010.  Jensen and Jared were but mere pups:

And the long-time, designated meard, Misha Collins?  Oh, he was there, perhaps not quite as front and center (after all, this was the first Jus In Bello event), but looks like he was already imagining the endless possibilities ahead.


2011 was the scene of the infamous video screen play with Jensen and Jared.  Who could forget this wonderfully classic J2 moment?



















And 2012.   Who recognizes Jared here?  Amazing, isn't it?

 
By 2011 and 2012 respectively, one can see that intended meard Collins was slowly, but surely getting his foot inside the door.

                                                                                                                   2011 at Jus In Bello

Nothing says intimacy and sexual innuendo "Cockles-style" like a sinus cleaning, can you dig it?














2012 -  it was only the beginning


And THEN?  Wellllll...then the wheels really began to fall off in subsequent years.

 Jared missed 2013 due to a reported family emergency.  In 2014, he was written out of Jus In Bello, I mean suffered an "injury", preventing him from participating in nearly all of the Saturday activities, thus allowing "Cockles" to run rampant at the convention, complete with the OTT fake makeout and post- Saturday night dinner stroll.  

Making sure pics made it to social media:















 








•  The inconsistencies of the nature/diagnosis of the "injury"
•  An on & off sling (it's on, it's off, it's on, it's off)
•  The logistical fallacies between the timing of the "injury's" occurrence conflicting with the JibCon schedule and everyone who was supposed to be in the room during said 'injury', on that Saturday
• the lack of reports of a visit by a doctor and/or a trip to a clinic or hospital for an X-ray and then once back on American soil, the long delay before an alleged surgery

All of the above bullet points pointed towards a PR stunt for the ages.  [But don't mind this "newbie" Spn fan - back in 2014, I was told right off the bat I didn't know what in the heck I was talking about.  #eyeroll]

The one big thing I do know is that Jared was eliminated, retired, put out of commission, however one wants to phrase it, on Saturday and "Cockles" took over. 


In 2015, Management tried a different route, one much more personal;  this time, Jared was given another doctor's note of sorts to excuse him from JibCon.  He was given a mental breakdown and skedaddled "home", disappearing to "heal and regroup" while Jensen, Collins & Co. carried on hot-tubbing, touring the sights and dedicating stage music to their runaway comrade. 


and



The last picture contains two look-backs.  Apparently unfazed by what was supposed to be a rather sensitive and forgetful period of time for their friend, these gentlemen chose to forget that part and said, "hey, remember that time when?!"  This glaring callousness alone should have raised more than a few eyebrows.

And yes.... "Cockles" thrived onward.



2016?  lol.  Well - Management knew it was too risky to try another high profile stunt, so what did they do instead?  They brought on board one of the beards - Genevieve Cortese Padalecki so she could babysit, I mean occupy her merkin, i.e., "husband".  Even more telling is notice that the beard they brought over was Jared's so that Jensen could be free to run amuck with Misha Collins on Saturday. More proof that the shenanigans of previous years (e.g, Jared's dislocated shoulder and mental breakdown) were strategically planned. 


https://spn-j2-blog.tumblr.com/post/155906103574
 

just.....doesn't....quite work, lol.


Nonetheless, her Jared-diversion presence then freed up.....guess who?


https://mrsfitzgerald.tumblr.com/post/144854736068/x


Oh, the fumbling hands!


https://mrsfitzgerald.tumblr.com/post/144805288503/x


And the whole scheme was working until Jensen had a bit too much of that "apple juice" at the closing ceremony and the green-eyed monster got a hold of his tongue and air quoting fingers.  2:20 in this vid clip is pure gold.

But that kind of acting out is the kind of by-product that Management risked happening by bringing one of the beards onto a live stage situation with these two particular men.  There were also gratuitous mentions of Jared having missed the last two JibCons and another "protective brother hug".  Yes, this author is putting quote marks around those "hugs" because they've gotten to be a bit scripted and Milkbone-ish.  


https://berezneva12.tumblr.com/post/144799763119/x
 

And so it was at JibCon7.  Jus In Bello 2017 was without near the drama, but once again, there was the now-essential J2 bro-hug.


and the "Cockles":


and show-me-yours-and-I'll-show-you-mine [what on earth?]:

Uhh....


For unknown reasons, 2018 was even more rolled back, with mild, lame and reaching "Cockles":


Whereas J2 believers were gifted with this pleasant, romantic moment, when Jared presented Jensen with a balloon bouquet. Who will ever forget this one?


Nah, that was too original, let's re-create in 2019 with Jensen and the meard, minus the balloons, but otherwise close enough to taint the organic:


https://inacatastrophicmind.tumblr.com/post/185086701783/x
 

But as far as breakdowns and broken bones are concerned, perhaps the J's were able to take a year off before 2019's JIB,  because Jus In Bello (2018) came and went without incident. With relative calm and ease, in fact,



and then the bottom came unhinged last weekend.


 

Forced...





  


 Miserable?  No, not really.

                 [now deleted tweet and account]


Proactive.



https://bowleggedean.tumblr.com/post/184994440106/x
 

Because you've always got to compare and let the shippers know that you have seen the meard's junk in order to "know this" #elementarymydearwatson:


 

Fans, are you catching this one? Make sure now!



  

Action!   This one is just pretty unbelievable.


And let's throw an inflatable unicorn on stage as a mascot for ridiculing and hiding-in-plain-sight taunting:


https://pathryn34.tumblr.com/post/185052648131
 
Is there a metaphor here?  What is being said?


https://aborddelimpala.tumblr.com/post/185059391098/unicorn-1-jensen-0-x-x-bonus
 

There are differing views on whether or not Jensen was really displeased by the Destiel fan shirt and the Destiel ship in its entirety.  But who can even tell these days? If Jensen can fake tolerance of a Jared hug,

and here,

















and from JibCon7,


it looks like he's well past that 2014 stage of reluctance and displeasure. Let's face it, the "Jared bro-hug and lift" is some of the fandom Kool-Aid, it's part of the whole stage shtick, sometimes kind of cute, pretty proverbial stuff...But in all seriousness, by now it's difficult at best, to argue on behalf of Jensen being "fed up" with Destiel/Cockles when he clearly and proactively encourages the management-manufactured ship.  This is proactive behavior, folks:


https://jensenckles.tumblr.com/post/185037687851/%E3%83%84

This was proactive.


https://winchestersmasks.tumblr.com/post/184904769260
 
 
There is not any wincing, any restraint.  Now, is this author answering with a resounding yes to the question, "Is Cockles in any realm, real?"  Not hardly.  Ackles and Collins are not a One True Pairing; they're not even close to a blind date.  Jensen and Jared have been and remain the true OTP.  They're so together, they should be the Merriam Webster's definition of OTP.

And make no mistake about it: Cockles and Destiel exist because of the real OTP, J2 and their real-life chemistry bleed into Sam and Dean Winchester. And perhaps with the show winding down, just like the ramping up of the fake marriage to Danneel Harris for lingering effect, Management feels it doesn't hurt to pimp the fake sidepiece.  Can't toss away those gay dollars completely, can we?

Here was Jensen at the Upfront's in New York City recently, playing the "I am so ashamed for I hardly see my own children, they live far, far away from me most of the year and my 'wife' is the 'primary caregiver', I'm such a rotten guy and for the fandom, Psst! This translates to I really only wanna be with Jared, neither one of us cares enough about our offspring, this is why we film in Vancouver for nine months out of the year because we are merely sperm donors"  card.



It's really a more out-in-the-open version of Jakers "Jake" Gyllenhaal repeating the mantra, "I am not a father, but I would like to be a father someday; it's a dream of mine *sigh*, alas hopefully it's in my life future, if I'm fortunate".  Perhaps Jake and Jensen could pull a couple of canes out of the ol' steamer trunk and form a vaudeville act with their rinse and repeat denials?


Jensen's version:



“I often joke with my wife that she’s a single mom of three with a sugar daddy that lives in different country. It’d be nice to actually be her partner and give her a little help and be a dad and see my family.”
     
And then he mentions something about taking a few fishing trips with his Ennis????  Oh, LOL! Oh, I mis-heard?  He didn't say with his Ennis, just the fishing trip part?  Okay, my apologies!  You can't make this stuff up, folks.   *wink*

The irony of all this, the extensive effort of  'Cockles' and 'wife' shoehorning, is when Management messes up with this sloppy kind of undermining gaffe, one which originates from this Mother's Day "Ackles family" photo a couple of weekends ago:

Pretty nice, eh? The Ackles children are adorable and then there's beard Danneel's lengthy and self-defensive essay which was pretty eye roll worthy. And it all comes undone by a pair of hands with a two-mile long right middle finger and mis-matched skin tones.


In other words, that is where the conjoining of two different women is taking place, right there in the fingers.

 And so then, one needs to ask why is it Danneel who is the one who needs to be photo shopped into this composite picture?  


;D

 The nonsense isn't liable to ease up or stop anytime soon. Jared and Jensen are nearing the finish line and their public relations team(s) have a set of narratives which need carrying out.  And after watching the antics from these past several months, Narnia's weariness of the fandom Kool-Aid (from all factions) has been exhausted.  Will we continue to follow Jared and Jensen?  Of course - this story is far from over.  But when the manipulation of the entire fandom reaches the blatant levels that exist now, there comes a time when someone like myself needs a good, stiff cup of black coffee to snap out of it.


pic sources:  Manilea Photography, gfycat, YouTube, giphy,
                     magnificentwingedbeast, ohmysupernatural,
                     weheartit, pinterest,  donnagaff wordpress, fanpop,
                     dudewheresmypie, storgram, The Spruce
our playlist:  Pop a Top - Alan Jackson
                     Raise Your Glass - Pink
                     Closing Time - Semisonic
                     Homemade Wine - Ozark Mountain Daredevils

  
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