Thirty Days of Toothy Tile, Grey Goose and the Baby Tiles
Day 16
Back in October 2007, when Jake first began his contracted fauxmance with Reese Witherspoon, there were many reasons for the professional compact. While Hollywood bearding arrangements mostly exist to primarily promote heterosexuality to mainstream audiences, the selection of a woman with two children was key to Jake's transaction. As a result of Reese's maternal "girlfriend" profile, Jake was able to use family modes of transportation without arousing suspicion. What a great cover for a publicly perceived bachelor who was having children behind the scenes, away from the prying eyes of strangers.
Here's just one example of the humongous vehicles Jake was commonly seen with throughout the Reeke years. A GMC Yukon Hybrid SUV with a seating capacity of up to 8 people:
While the selection of Reese Witherspoon proved expedient for someone who wanted to start a young family hidden from public view, the problem Jake soon ran into by December 2009, when Reese decided her career was tanking and unceremoniously dumped him, was how to remain visible, yet seamlessly blend into a car-centered culture like Los Angeles.
Jake's eyebrow raising answer: Not one, but two Audi Q7s fondly tagged by OMG as The Family Truckster and commercially described as "ideal for daily family use."
The first time we see the Audi Q7 is in late May, 2010. One is gray and one black. A color scheme duplication of the matching vehicles he purchased in 2007, and referenced in his GQ interview (February, 2007).
Excerpt from "The Two Jakes"
Interviewer: "This is not a hybrid!" ...[looking at Jake's car.]
Jake is lightning on the defense. "I'm getting one - a Camry hybrid," he says. "I'm getting two!"
I'm not entirely clear on how getting two hybrids is earth friendly but Gyllenhaal knows what he's doing.
Now, why would a bachelor, with no children, purchase not one, but two Camrys prior to "hooking up" with Reese Witherspoon, and then two Audi Q7s within six months of the "breakup"? The pattern of possessing two vehicles most certainly points to someone who is not single. While the sizing up to a tank-like Audi Q7 easily points to multiples of two passengers.
The Blind Item that boldly predicted the anticipation of one Baby Tile back in 2007 had become, by August 2010, almost quaint and certainly woefully out of date. A father of one could easily get by with a Toyota Camry. But a couple raising an expanding family would need a much larger solution to meet everyday transportation needs.
Perhaps something like a Family Truckster would be more fitting, instead of a sensible mid-sized vehicle.
Family Truckster: Jake's gray 2010 Audi Q7 (nice limousine-tinted windows for maximum privacy)
And, even when Jake was seen hanging out in New York beginning in mid-September 2011 (before Berlinale and his "official" move to NY announced in March 2012), Jake was immediately seen driving an SUV. Even though the public narrative was that he rode his bike, or walked or accessed the subway/taxis everywhere he went.
But, when you have children, hidden away from the world, public means of transportation is no longer an option, except of course when you are posing for photo ops to "prove" otherwise.
— Kristen Hess (@artfulgourmet) September 30, 2011
Taxi Jake May 2012, NY
Walking Jake April 2013 NY
Subway Jake May 2015, NY
Bicycle Jake, July 2013, NY
But, when you have children, hidden away from the world, public means of transportation is no longer an option, except of course when you are posing for photo ops to "prove" otherwise.
pic sources: IHJ, Oh My Godot, reaction gifs
our playlist: Keep on Truckin - Eddie Kendricks
Carefree Highway - Gordon Lightfoot
I Drove All Night - Cyndi Lauper
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